Been reading a lot, trying to deal with my thoughts and feelings. I have decided I am just downright angry at my ex. I endured his abuse for years; watched, basically helpless (or so I thought), as he abused the girls. Went through his cruel game of setting me up to divorce so that he could profit best by it, have been harassed legally by his attorney the past 2.5 years, and still the man makes demands and conditions to everything.
We are officially single people now, he has absolutely nothing to do with the older D (who has serious flags of sexual abuse, too) and extremely limited contact with the younger D, which he doesn't do (1 call per week, no physical visitations until he sets up an appointment with a counselor first)anyway. When he came to pick up the last of the property he was awarded, he sent me several emails of the conditions he was setting about returning the things I asked for (3 college books)and everything. I set up a time from 5 to 6 pm and I arrived from out of town at 4:45 pm. Already stressed from the drive, knowing I needed to move stuff out to the drive quickly, I rushed to try and get it done. He showed up early, smirking. I yelled at him that he was early and that he needed to stay across the street until I was finished, I again yelled at him that I was finished and he should get his stuff and be gone. I was on edge, stood inside my house behind the screen door and was mumbling a lot. I was so ANGRY it was horrible. I am furious that he has walked away with absolutely no accountability for what he did to us. As he finished loading the last thing, I said to him, through the door, that I would see him jailed for what he did. Then he had the nerve to call my D and say he was sorry she had to witness that.
OK, I know I didn't take the high road, but it was that or kill him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Anyone have ideas on how to deal with the absolute anger I have right now? I live every day with the consequences of his abuse in how my older D acts out. Knowing what he did and having enough flags raised on what he may have done is hard enough to deal with, having him still email me with his conditions and threats when there was supposed to be no contact just keeps the wound bleeding.
Yes, I have been to counselors, I have read books, I have tried to let it go, I've tried to give it up to God, but it's still eating at me. He HURT my children, maybe irrepairably with the older D. I am having to contemplate sending her away to a behavior modification school system for her sister's and my safety.
He just goes on with his life, acting like Mr Pillar of Society, Publically-elected official, father of the year. Fights the stay away order I had because it "makes him look like a bad guy". He
IS a bad guy.
When I should be thrilled that the divorce is FINALLY over, I am worried sick about my kids. The business is doing pretty well, but I admit, I took a day off today! I just didn't want to think about it at all. And that is difficult when you own the business! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I'm trying to keep my humor about this, but think it is getting a bit skewed lately. I feel like I am in a quagmire and it is threatening to engulf me totally and on the other hand I feel poisonous. I'm drained physically, mentally, emotionally, financially... maybe the anger is the stuff that keeps me going? I don't like it though.
Lori
