Well. I see there are lots of new faces. I am sorry to see that. For those who don't know/remember me, my xh and I divorced in 1996. He left for Ow and I was glad to be rid of him. He wasn't worth fighting for.

At any rate, I am morose right now. My relationship of 4 years just ended a few days ago. Xbf decided he finally couldn't take any more of my Christian "b.s." His words...

Now, I do drink alcohol once in a blue moon (not just wine at communion), I am trying to quit smoking (hard to do right now), I have been known to lose my temper and fuss someone out, and I wear makeup, cut my hair, and at times say something a bit stronger than "crap." I also believe in God. and, no, I'm not a great Christian. Lots of back-sliding.

He is an Agnostic. His explaination of it was, he doesn't believe in God, nor does he *not* believe. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I called it fence-sitting. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

When we first started dating, I was very vocal about my opinion of his beliefs or lack thereof. However, I loved him and stayed with him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> In time, I actually relaxed about it and would just leave the subject alone. It was a hot button that I didn't want to mess with.

Recently, I have done some overhauling of my religious practices... Where I never went to church before and was a non-practicing Christian, I changed. I began going to church and bible study. I started praying (never in front of him). and I pulled the rug out from under him and decided that I couldn't be a hypocrite. So, I decided to become celibate until marriage.

Now, you saw where I said we had been together for 4 years. Yes, we did have sex. Now, I truely couldn't do it outside of marriage, and not be a hypocrite. It was a tough decision.

He lost it on me. yelled. said he would look elsewhere, then. Said I could take my Christian B.S. elsewhere, and said we were done.

Later told me I had no right to make this decision without "consulting" him first. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

He has since confirmed that we are not going to stay together or work on things. He does not care one bit about my convictions. He is not willing to wait for me. He is done. The day before all this we were talking about furniture and buying a place in Florida, and Marriage! He has cried since this started... said this stunk and he was sad... I don't know what to think anymore.

Here's a kick in the teeth... I have a 9 year old daughter. He has been in her life since she was almost 5. She loves him and he professes to love her. He thinks I am going to brainwash her and force religion down her throat. Interestingly enough, she was reading the Bible my mother gave her long before I renewed my faith. I didn't force her to go to church, she loves that we go now and seems to sincerely enjoy it (could be the little breakfast after services).

At any rate, he wants to continue contact with us. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
We are maintaining our current living arrangements so my daughter can finish the school year here in SC. Then, my daughter and I will move to NC to be closer to family.

I am resigned to this and I am so sad. I don't regret my decision though. Sorry this is so long-winded. I don't expect anyone to have answers for me. But, I could certainly use a few words of support... Actually, I do have a question...

Was I wrong?

Thanks for reading all this if someone gets to this line, lol. Good stamina.

Mynabird

<small>[ March 14, 2003, 02:28 AM: Message edited by: Mynabird ]</small>

Mynabird,

No I don't think you are wrong. Remember that being a Christian is a journey, it takes each of us a differnt amount of time to walk our paths, just like people walk at different speeds physically , so do they spiritually. You have reached the point in your walk with Christ where your spirit has spoken to you ( convicted you )about the sexual side of your relationship with this man, you listened. Good for you.

He is an agnostic by his own word, he has no concept or understanding of what you are dealing with.

Remember Mynabird the bible warns us not to be unevenly yoked, and that is just what you would have been had your marriage to this man happened. Believers are not supposed to marry unbelievers, it is one thing to be married and then one of you becomes a believer and the other doesn't. But to go into a marriage with this issue is just asking for trouble. The Lord may have saved you from some really big future problems. You can't save him, but that doesn't mean there is no hope, pray for him, pray that the Lord will put someone in this man's path can reach him.

Who knows what Gods plans are for your future, what ever they are you can rest assured they are good ones.

Deb

I can certainly see his point. It is difficult for me to understand how an adult can change his or her core values - I do not understand how an adult can change her mind about something as important as whether sex outside of marriage is wrong or right. If I were dating someone who changed such a core belief, I would have to wonder what other core belief would go out the window next.

BTW, as an atheist, I would not want someone praying for me, and I would find it terribly disrespectful to ignore my wishes in that matter.

Sorry to hear about the relationship breaking up, but it looks like it was doomed from the start. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I also consider myself to be agnostic, and it's not "fence-sitting." Agnosticism is a very rational philosophy, and religious folks often make the mistake of thinking that an agnostic is someone who really wants to find God, and its only a matter of time until they "see the light."

Were you wrong? It is hard to be sure, given the limited information available, but it appears that you're both equally to blame for the end of the relationship.

As for your being "vocal" about his lack of belief: That's a disrespectful judgement, if I'm not mistaken! If someone I was dating belittled my beliefs, that'd be the end of that relationship.

Ditto to him calling it "Christian BS." Very disrespectful of your beliefs. Mind you, he didn't say it because he's a non-believer...he said it because he was being a jerk.

I think people with different religious beliefs can make a relationship work if they respect the other person's beliefs. It is pretty clear that you don't respect his agnosticism, and he likewise doesn't respect your choice to delve deeper into Christianity.

Religious beliefs aside, I can understand why he would be angry about your decision to suddenly become celibate. You DID pull the rug out from under him. If you didn't "consult" with him first, and just dropped this in his lap one day, I'd say that was terribly unfair to him. While you weren't married, I would think that the POJA would apply if you've been together for 4 years and were talking marriage.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Mynabird:
<strong>Was I wrong?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A lost sheep that finds it's way back to it's master is not wrong in my book.

Actually, the only place where I can fault you is that you allowed your child to get attached to this person because it is her who suffers the loss. As for the brain-washing, I would be extremely concerned that he will be the one doing the dishes.

Since no one else has, I'd like to welcome you to the Brother/sisterhood that is through our Wonderful Saviour. Please remember that you will never be perfect, as Jesus was, but God has not called us to perfection and promises to save us through Faith, not deed.

Quite frankly I find it AWESOME to see someone take a stand as you have done.

Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers

Okay, I finally got back here. A lot has happened in the past week or so... Last Sunday, xbf asked me to move out. I complied... Not easy with a 9 year old. But some wonderful ppl from my church have graciously taken us in until the end of May... daughter will be able to finish school here.

Found xbf profile online at a dating service... had a gut feeling (little voice) and went with it. Wish I had listened to that voice years ago. Want to know something funny? He states in his profile that he is a Christian! Odd? you bet.

I feel better... still have plenty of sad times... but realize that this never would have worked.

To Deb: OMGosh! you're still here? Wow! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You always were good for inspirational words... keep it up and thank you.

For Nellie1: I never stated that I "changed" a core belief... only that I could no longer be a hypocrite. There is a difference. I never felt that sex outside of marriage was right. Quite the opposite in fact. And I went with the easy way... no fuss. Just do it and ignore my feelings about it.
As for me praying for him... First: he never told me to not pray for him. Even when I told him I would pray for him. Second: you call it disrespect... I call it caring for him. I agree to disagree with you on that one.

For Cjack (I remember you, too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )
I have heard what you are saying from him. Only his definition of Agnosticism was that he "didn't believe, nor dis-believe." He said he needed physical proof, and wasn't ruling out the possibility of a God. He has blown me out of the water with his apparent change-of-heart though... with his stating that he is a Christian on that dating site. (I know it is him, btw... was in his puter history)
As for the disrespect... I absolutely agree with you. It was like that on both sides. I'll be the first to admit that I was completely disrespectful of his beliefs. I was wrong to be that way, too. I know that, now... unfortunately I was never very good with shading my opinions. I have always been a fairly blunt person... I did show disrespect, but not outright hatred for his beliefs. But I was very obvious about my inability to understand where he was coming from.
As to the sex issue.. I thought it was pretty outrageous that he was so upset... we rarely had sex to begin with! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Seriously... maybe 2 or 3 times a month. Believe it or not, it was never brought up as an issue.

For LostHusband: Thank you for your words of encouragement. I did have some help finding my way... The first was God, of course, the second was this book I am reading... It's called "The Purpose Driven Life." Written by Rick Warren. The subtitle is :"What On Earth Am I Here For?" It was very good for me, because I had a lot of doubts as to what I was doing with my life and why I am here... this book is not the end-all-be-all, but it was very helpful.

Thank you again, everyone for replying. I do appreciate it.

A sister in Christ,
Jeri aka the Mynabird

Let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God - what is good and is pleasing to Him and is perfect.
~ Romans 12:2b (TEV)

<small>[ March 27, 2003, 10:08 PM: Message edited by: Mynabird ]</small>