Well, here I am. Im finally getting the divorce I wanted. For 8 years it was abusive emotionaly and physically. After all that I have been through with him, I still love him with my entire heart and soul. I cry every night. I miss the "good". I have many times even considered asking him to come back. I know he can be a good man, but I know that he loves himself more than he loves me and our son. When does this pain go away? At times I feel like I am losing my mind. It would be so much easier if I hated him. Is it normal for me to still love him considering what I have gone through? What do I go from here?

I know how you are feeling, I wanted the divorce for 15 years and he left me and my 8 children saying he would never be back. The emotional abuse over the years was horrible. BUT I still love him with every breath that i take, I am consumed with the video tape of memories in my head each night, I feel like I am dying but I have my kids to be there for and I have to let it out. I wrote a pretty harsh letter about how I felt but I should not have sent it. I am trying to work on letting go, I keep calling him and trying to hold on to something he doesn't want any part of. I recommend the book Love Must Be Tough I have read it five times but I still don't have the concept of just letting go down, therefore the book CO-DEPENDENT no more. I am sure doing alot of reading these days. I keep hearing that I will become a better person when I get through this and I believe that. I am forced to accept God's timing and not mine. Hang in there the pain starts to ease day by day. A group called divorcecare.com may be in your area this is a wonderful way of working through these feelings.