I have not posted in a long time, he was reading everything and I have been trying to protect my daughters to get to this. H had affair, now looks like multiples of them over 22 yrs, we have 2 daughters, he's a cop. I really am doing well but tonight feeling everything crashing in, the divorce should have been final in Oct or Nov of 2002 but he would not turn in income, special detail income or bank statements, finally worked out what I knew I needed to take care of my daughter and I and pushed for mediation and finally divorce. Divorce finalized on 2/26/03, my 45th birthday but worse our oldest daughter (lives in another state) had gone into the hospital on 2/22 and then ICU the night of 2/25, my youngest had to have a kidney test on 2/26 (I had to know she would be ok for the trip to her sisters) or I would have postponed final hearing but still had to have her test done, so I knew I would not have both girls sick. I drove straight through (18 hrs, my mom an dad helped) and I held my daughters hand from that Thurs. morning till Monday morning before the Dr.s could say that she started to show any recovery, they are the single worst days of my life. She was on a ventilator, for 2 days heavily sedated, when I first walked into that room, I thought my legs would buckle, she was so swollen, almost unrecognizable. But I took her hand and told her I'm here Baby it's going to be ok...she gave me a little squeeze on my hand. The nurses had papers, I still not sure what I signed, pneumonia, kidneys failing, she was bitten by a rat, was cleaning the cages of exotic birds, she is recovering, spent 9 days in ICU, only 2 test came back positive for post strep infection that hit her kidneys, so far everything else negative. Sooo... I count my blessings. On Mon. 3/3, the Dr.s came in smiling for the first time, her lungs were starting to work again. My youngest daughter stood by me and her sister, my sister came, a hard step, I adopted this child from her, my sister and mother have not spoken in over 2 yrs and we all held it together those first critical days. I stayed with her until she was released from ICU, she is home now recovering. And her Dad.... Well Dad left during the divorce hearing for her hospital room, borrowing money from everyone in order to do it according to him but he did not get there until after we did, not even sure why he came, at first his tears seemed real, then the BS came then he lied about what the Dr's said, then he left the next day. How can you be so self absorbed, lack of feeling, what is it that can let you walk away from your daughters, he has not taken our youngest to do anything since the middle of January.

Honestly I don't know what I am asking for here, outside of Thanking God for the recovery of my daughter. Amazed me how the people I work with are so great, so supportive and prayed so much.

Divorce wise the last thing on the list is my refinancing the house and that is next week. But I am so numb at the moment, not sure how to feel. Hug your children, I love mine, they are so great. I am still sleep deprived, time to get some sleep, this may not make much sense but God Bless you all, Lila

Lila, are you my twin sister?

I understand your pain, and want to say that you are a ROCK and are awesome for your girls. Yes it's hard and especially when multiple crisis fall on you and emotionally leave you frozen.

My dad died three years ago. Less than six months later, discovered WH in affair no. 1. Then I file and withdraw papers. During that brief time, son was one and a half and hospitalized for rsv (he was a preemie and the vaccine wasn't yet out or he would have had it in a heartbeat). The next Christmas, my grandmother dies (dad's mom) and find out Darth is in affair No. 2 with Ms. MOnkeyho. I am unable to grieve. And just like your stbxh, mine has not in over a year presented papers to show income and for financial purposes. He btw, is probably hiding $$$.

Don't sign until you get those papers ok? You have the law on your side. Have courts compel him. Isn't he an officer of the court as a policeman? Think that can be accomplished. And so I also gear up for this week thinking that today would be mediation day and I relive this whole event (s) again. And one week ago my mother has a stroke. I think we have the same story, just different verses that is all. Feel like my name should be Job.

Just remember that like when a silversmith is refining silver, he must make a reeeally hot fire. Then he heats up the silver and the impurities sink and the pure silver rises to the top. When we are faced with situations, trials by fire that God places in our lives and for unknown purposes, remember that the pure silver, the real treasure is what is revealed. You are that treasure. Soon this trial will be over. I am praying for you, your daughters (and for a complete recovery) and for renewal in your lives.

In my heart I believe it will indeed be happy for you guys soon. Please do not give up. Do not. Grieve and cry. But find little joys. I find the simplest joys are best now. I used to be materially wealthy, but now I am realizing that my real riches in life are the ones only given by God. Foremost, my son and family.

Healing is coming. Renewal is coming. Life is going to be great if you keep having faith and looking heavenward.

Thank you, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. My oldest was in the hospital 18 days, 9 in ICU, she is doing great, at home now, about a 4 week recovery. My youngest, well her kidney test was negative thank God and turned out to be a reaction to an antibiotic. I had biopsies done and came back with A-typical cells but had to put my Dr. on hold to take care of the girls, going back next week to see him, he said no problem, he wants to try a cancer prevention drug to see if that stops the changes.

I got a good nights sleep but could still use some more. I really can't wait till I can start doing things on the house. As far as his paperwork goes, I let it go when I got what I knew I needed to keep everything going. Let him have it. The scary part is he had a girlfriend who liked the bondage that he does, she bragged about it in front of her 14 yr old son and he told my 16 yr old daughter about it. D does not know how to look at her dad anymore, she said it is weird. Don't know how I got through the evening when she told me, I even took the time to explain that each intimate couple decides what is right for them and if they both agree, then its ok, the problems are if you don't agree and if it is forced then it is wrong. they don't recognize the violence, control and fear that it causes nor what is happening inside themselves that they need this. The scary part is, he and this g/f seem to have broken up and he is out searching, even has a personal ad out and its such a lie, he does not realize that he is listing qualities in himself that don't exist anymore. But it also made me look at myself and my likes and dislikes, am I answering them because they are what I like or because I am just familiar with and now I need to see for myself what I want.

I can't wait til the house refinancing is done, each time that I have put my name on something, I have felt good about it, better. No one can make those decisions for me again. I even took on more debt than he did, just to get it over with. But I am happy, I have had more peace in the past year than I have in the last 5.

Well, time to accomplish something! I will try to be more supportive of everyone on this board, they have all been great! God Bless everyone Lila

That is what people have told me too. The PEACE is the biggest gift you will receive. Material items mean nothing. Like my stbxh, he is getting a lot more than he deserves. He has shown to me and the kids he doesn't care about us. Let him have it. What I know is God sees his actions, and he will get his in the end.

You have had a difficult time and look how much stronger you are. I had 4 deaths during my husbands affair. My father being one. My husband was not one to be there for me. He was physically, but emotionally, I see he wasn't there. I am in counseling with a group and individual. And we had a session about this. He was doing his act, stating things, so others would see him as a good person. But to find out, friends and relatives saw through him.

So, glad you are moving forward. I am getting beat by my husband financially through this divorce. Never thought he would do this to me, but you know what, let him have it. I really don't care anymore. This just shows the uncaring, unthoughtful man he is. Just shows that he is greedy, and knowing the physical condition I am in, he doesnt care. He is a selfish, untrustworthy person. And one day he will get his payback. Just like your husband, his turn will come.

It is so sad they we all sound so similar. I really do feel however that all of these people that have cheated & lied & are simply "selfish". And because we are not we are amazed over & over again by their continued selfishness. It does however help us to recover knowing that the WS's are selfish about almost everything...it isn't our fault..they prove it ever time the prove their selfishness.

Thank God there are caring, compasionate, & empathetic people in this world !!
God Bless & Good Luck.