Boy, talk about a lot of things occurring in a lifetime, much less a year.

I remember when I was actively involved with MB on a daily, if not hourly basis, I would be reading the trials of those of us that were in our different stages of turmoil.

For those of you who were 'before my time' My wife left me in June of last year after having 4 affairs. Blamed me for everything under the sun as well as forcing her to have the affairs. Tried to take my boys from me several times. Treatened, attacked, etc the entire time. I paid her almost twice what I had to, tried to be civil at all times. Realized that the woman that I was dealing with was not the person that I had been married to nor could stand even looking at any longer. Initially she wanted an immediate divorce. That changed when she realized finances were not what she had thought they were going to be.

We have had several bad times between us, the last in the last couple weeks. However I think we have finally come to the place that we both want this completed. I never wanted it, and plan A'd significantly after the first 3 affairs were revealed. However, after 4 months she said no.

But everyone, I still recommend doing it. Try your hardest, because it is not for her or him. It is for you. I learned so much about the person in myself that I had lost in our marriage. The person I had become was not who I wanted to be nor who I used to be. I had changed because of several reasons, not the least of which was dealing with a wife that could never take responsibility during our marriage, blamed me for much more than was real, and felt controlled those times that I finally put my foot down and said NO.

Anyway, hopefully we will be going to mediation in the next couple weeks. We should have done this 6 months ago as was planned, but she decided to jump the gun and go through the lawyers. Almost went to court, and almost had to do custody battle instead of stay with the 50/50 we have had. Our boys are doing better than I could ever have hoped given the circumstances. Not as well as they deserve with a whole family, but better than I expected nonetheless.

On the brighter side. I have stayed completely faithful to my marriage. Even given that I have been asked out 4 times in the bookstore by women that I have casually met there in the isles. Also I have been approached by several women in my work. I know that I am not yet ready for anything serious, but I do think that I would enjoy going out to dinner with someone that doesn't require that I cut her food up for her, and to have conversation that doesn't include the obvious merits of Yu-Gi-Oh over Pokemon. Heh heh heh

I just wanted you all to know how I was doing. I haven't been posting lately, because I have been so preoccupied with so many other things. And truthfully, I didn't have much to say. This board and those on it have been a tremendous part of my healing. And although, I know that I have not completely healed, I have come so far in the last 15 months, that I am completely confident that I will make it.

I recently accepted a job here at home. It is a great job, just not what I had wanted to do, nor where I wanted to do it. It will allow me an incredible amount of time with my boys however as well as tons of time off and a great income. So overall, my main goal is met in that I will be able to provide for my boys in the best way possible. My 'carreer' so to speak will not turn out how I had hoped and my education will not be completely utilized, however I will truthfully earn more, work less, and have less stress than I had counted on. Sounds crazy to be complaining about this doesn't it? It is just that I have been being educated for the last 29 years of my life, and find at the end that I am not doing what I really would like to do...

I will try to stop by more often and give my 2 cents. I hear so much of the past in these new posters. I hope that you will just keep understanding that you will make it. I thought that I would not. I knew that I was the worst off, in the worst position, with the biggest heartache and heartbreak ever. And that all those other people really COULDN'T UNDERSTAND, in truth. But let me tell you. They do. We do. And you will realize that as you progress. Take things and thoughts given here as just that, thoughts and things, not absolute truth. People will often post to you by posting about their situation and how they dealt with it. It is helpful for you as well as for them. Take that for what it is meant to be, help, not a hijacking of your post.

Take care all,

I am doing very well.

Formely Confused - So glad to hear such a positive attitude - Good for you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> !! You sound at peace - Though I am divorced now that peace part is still having a hard time reaching me somedays - but I hopefully will realize it soon. I know what you mean when you say that you have learned so much about yourself - it is quite an eye opening experience getting your world flipped upside down huh??? Well I just wanted you to know that I am glad you updated and I am so very glad - that you are happy ...

FC, so glad to hear from you. I was wondering how you were doing and glad you are ahead of the game at this point.

My therapist jsut released me after only 6 months of counseling. She says Im doing great and plan on continuing that way. Things are not good with stbx..but that is because he is still stuck in his childish bully state. I refuse to let him push my buttons anymore and I just wont deal with him when he tries. I never in my wildest dreams thought that in 6 months I would recover the way I have. Alot had to do with everyone on this board and you too. You are a great inspiration.

I am happy and healthy and getting more so every day. My plan and Gods plan were to continue my marriage..3rd party had other plans, so once I accepted that I was able to move on in a way that has benefitted not just me but my kids as well <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Take care..drop me a line
Dawn

Really good to hear from you FC. I'm glad you're beginning to find some peace in your life. What a road to travel...

A few weeks ago I was making a journal of all the posts I'd had since I joined MB and in re-reading them, I realized how much of what you said to me had been so helpful, insightful and encouraging. I thank you for that.

Hope you new job goes well and leads to nothing but the best for you and your boys. Take care.

FC:
I was just thinking about you on Friday, and there you go, a post from you.
So glad to hear things are OK with you & your boys. Good luck with new job, sounds like a dream.
Thanks for the message of hope for those of us who are not quite there yet, where you are.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">blamed me for much more than was real, and felt controlled those times that I finally put my foot down and said NO.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...ditto.

Unfortunately, I'm still struggling with issues regarding this, now, 8 months after the fact. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I recently put my foot down to the ex, and received a barrage of abuse & insult reminiscent of what she'd dish out in the M., for the same reason.
I'd appreciate some additional input on how to handle this from you. Originally, I'd decided just not to "rock the boat", largely once again for the sake of peace in my life, but cannot continue to being manipulatively controlled by her in this manner.( Isn't it ironic, THEY accuse US of being controlling?) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I think one of the best responses, is none.....tell me if you agree with that.
Good to hear from you again, buddy!

muzohead

PS how's the Flamenco Guitar coming along?

You sound good! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> We all do make it through the divorce; usually stronger and more at peace with ourselves when we know we tried in the first place. I think that is what is so good about this forum, using the techniques of Plan Aing and all improve us as people, which in turn enables us to come to terms with all the changes we have to do.

I think about some of the first posts I made on this board and wonder who that person was. Certainly not a healthy one, lol.

Enjoy everything you are doing; may the sun shine on you and your children now that the storm is over.

Lori