Talked to W this morning. She saw divorce attorney on Friday and thinks that is what she wants. She is staying with a friend from work tonight.

Thing is, she seemed much, much more upset while we talked today. I could not show any emotion at all. Both of us are very numb after all that has happened (I am BS), and I don't really know what I want at this point.

Before she left, she insisted that I call her if I need her. However, she is 100% sure that this is what she wants.

Welcome h4b,

Welcoming someone here is sort of bitter sweet, no one wants to be here, but if you are in this situation, this is a great place to be.

Since I don't really know your story, could you post more here? Have you done plan A? What are your feelings at this point - do you want this too?

Blessings,

D.

Basically, W had affair with someone who was a close friend of mine. Not completely sure that it is over, but I think that it is not due to her reluctance to open up and share information with me (cell bill, email, etc.).

She thinks that I cannot forgive and that is why she is leaving. I feel I have been more than patient, and not enough has been done to restore trust. She's just giving up.

I have posted a lot under the other categories if you want more info.

I don't really know what I want. I really want closure to this. She does too. I think the divorce is the only way that she thinks closure can be attained.

Tried plan a, but I guess it is B time...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She thinks that I cannot forgive and that is why she is leaving. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">most likely, she is projecting her fears onto you, when she says this. Most likely, she cannot forgive herself, and she is not taking responsibility for her actions with that statement, which is commonly the fog. . . .

so do not take these words literally, but work on your emotional boundaries, which would be politely rebutting that statement and asking for her feelings. . . not how she thinks you feel or act, but her feelings. . . .

sounds fairly typical of a mistake by a person that does not deal well with mistakes, but chooses to run away from themselves and their mistakes. . .

wiftty

Hoping4Best:

It's difficult to decide in these instances whether the WS is sincere about reconciling, or paying lip service, out of guilt. You HAVE to assume she's sincere.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She thinks that I cannot forgive and that is why she is leaving. I feel I have been more than patient, and not enough has been done to restore trust. She's just giving up.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...I suggest you read JenBrown's thread (it may even be her), for insight from the "other side" so to speak. It is just as hard for the WS to face the issues that need to be faced. Don't rush these things, and don't expect immediate and complete remorse or "making up". This will happen over time, as your spouse appreciates the qualities in you that allow her to rejoin the relationship, without being made to feel as if she's on trial.

Her hyper-sensitivity around her own guilt, will likely cause her to mis-interpret any attempt by you to approach this issue with a view to her understanding what it is that you suffered. Try to get this understanding & healing help from IC, or from this board. You will end up pushing her away with too much "pressure" . Acceptance is the key here.

Good luck
muzohead