I think I just did one of the hardest things a parent ever has to do with their kid. After 2 plus years of counseling, I thought we were getting somewhere, but ever since the stay away order was taken off and she bumped into ex at the neighbors, she has been getting more and more unruly.

Just when you think the divorce is over and maybe there will be some peace, she kept the turmoil going and increased it if that was possible. She was just picked up and was taken to a residential school where she will not only have extensive testing done, she will then be put into an appropriate level of schooling and receive 13 or more hours a week in counseling.

I want my sweet daughter back, the one before she endured all the abuse and became what she is. The counselors and I weren't reaching her here, all I can hope is that the tough love and intense counseling she will receive will bring her back, or at least get her where she can reach some of her potential.

Yes, I am ANGRY at my ex... he badly damaged my kid. I want him to be held accountable for what he did, but that's a whole 'nother issue.

Please send a good thought and a prayer in my daughter's direction. I hope to have her back home in as little as 6 months, but it may take longer.

Lori

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by bangarra:
<strong>I think I just did one of the hardest things a parent ever has to do with their kid. After 2 plus years of counseling, I thought we were getting somewhere, but ever since the stay away order was taken off and she bumped into ex at the neighbors, she has been getting more and more unruly.

She was just picked up and was taken to a residential school where she will not only have extensive testing done, she will then be put into an appropriate level of schooling and receive 13 or more hours a week in counseling. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Lori, that must have just been heartwrenching. Please know that slowly, one by one, we will all be praying for you and for your daughter. Also, please keep reminding yourself over and over that you did all you could do for two years, and she NEEDED this. She is not going to like it, and she is going to be mad as h3ll at you, but you were looking out for her interests and she NEEDED this. It's like doing an intervention on your drug-addicted child...they hate you for it, but they need to have it done to save their life.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> I want my sweet daughter back, the one before she endured all the abuse and became what she is. The counselors and I weren't reaching her here, all I can hope is that the tough love and intense counseling she will receive will bring her back, or at least get her where she can reach some of her potential. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now, Lori, you know as well as I do that your sweet daughter from before the abuse is gone. She will not be coming back, even after she goes to this school and has intensive therapy. As a counselor on the Rape Crisis Hotline, I hear girls say all the time that they just want to "go back to the way it was" and they can't! Good, bad, or otherwise, the rape is part of them now and they can either find a meaning in it and accept it into who they are...or they can keep trying to get back to the way it was and be stuck forever. Lori, the abuse your daughter endured has made her different. Now she has to accept it into herself (as in "her Self") and make it part of her that has a meaning. It was HORRIBLE and horrifying and had long-lasting, long-term affects that will stay with her for probably most of her life. However, it is part of who she is, and the person she is now is precious.

She will be forever different and changed. But...she can learn to control the anger and feelings of hurt, and turn them into something good--and that's what I'll be praying for here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> Yes, I am ANGRY at my ex... he badly damaged my kid. I want him to be held accountable for what he did, but that's a whole 'nother issue. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, I totally understand these feelings. If only our ex's had SOME CLUE of the massive destruction they are doing to the kids they claim to love when they abandon them--dump them like they are worthless--and worse yet, HARM them via emotional, mental, verbal and physical abuse! If only there was some way to hold them accountable for their selfishness!!!

But in reality there isn't. Not the judge who says: "You had an several affairs, dumped your unsuspecting wife and kids, abandoned them, used your power over them to harm them and keep it a secret...so I find you morally deficit and spiritually depraved. You are committed to three years in a monastery to THINK about what you've done, and your wife and kids get EVERYTHING to punish you so you won't do this AGAIN!"

Wouldn't that be nice?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}} to you, Lori. You did the right thing. In your heart of hearts, you know it. Listen to your inner voice. You did what you had to do because you love your daughter. You were willing to do what HURTS you in order to do what SAVES your child. Remember that.

Your true and faithful friend,

CJ

God bless you and your daughter. Noone should experience what I can only guess she has.
God sent her to that place to get the intensive help she needed to recover.

Thanks all,

I have heard from the school, she arrived safely, a little emotional, but she understands why she is there and is willing to make the effort to do everything she can to help get through this.

I'm getting ready to take my younger daughter out for a bit to eat, it has been a long emotional day for both of us. I talked to a friend who is a preacher today and worked through a few things. Dropped off my packet to the DA, and I know my kid is safe! I think I may sleep sound for the first time in many, many months.

CJ, I know I won't get back the innocent loveable child she was once, I meant getting back the child who had the world before her, and enough self-esteem and self love to be willing to accept it that others might care, too.

I'm a little tired right now... thank you all!

Lori