A little background: My W and I have been struggling to say the least for about 4 months. I believe the main reason we have not been able to move on to better our crumbling marriage is that she is never home (travelling 5 days out of the week) due to her job. Well, the travelling is almost over now. Last weekend March 8, she did not come home and said that she was not going to until our Retrouvaille weekend on April 5. I met her half way from where she was and she delievered my son to me. Her intention was to see if she actually misses me or just misses our nice house and wonderful child. Well, on Sunday she called and said she misses me. All week she admittedly wanted to come home and see me. Well Saturday morning came, and she showed up when I was expecting a new lease on life. I told her "I missed you these last two weeks, and I love you". No answer. She then said she wants to get an attorney Monday and file for divorce because she only misses the house and our son, not me. We argued all weekend and my W said if I leave and stay with a friend the next two or three weeks that she'll attend Retrouvaille and not file today. We slept in separate beds last night. What should I do? Call her bluff, stay in the house, and see if she files (she seems awfully serious)? Or should I give the time she requests? If I go, should I call and/or try to hang out for an hour a night? Or should I show her what life would be without me totally? I did tell her though, I am coming to reclaim my "turf" after Retrouvaille even if she backs out. Any response on Retrouvaille? What legal issues await me if I take a leave of absence from our home? We have talked in the event of a D, that she would give me the house, but I do not know if I can trust that. D's bring out unexpected hatred I am sure.

I'm confused about the son. Who had the son while she moved out and who would likely have custody in a divorce?

My personal thought after having been promised the world before divorce and then having to fight every inch is that you not leave.

She has not moved out. Just has been gone on business 5 days out of the week for 4 months. SHe is telling me to move out or she will file for divorce. I am desperately doing anything to try to keep that from happening. I take care of the child during the week, but sometimes she can bring himn with her on business and does. She say in the event of a D, we will have joint custody and swears she will not try to fight for full custody. However, she is the one with the affair and the not wanting to try. I do have phone records and pictures.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by wondering111:
<strong>She say in the event of a D, we will have joint custody and swears she will not try to fight for full custody. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So did my now X, then after about $5,000 in atty fees and 5 months of battle, she agreed to it again. But when she filed she went for EVERYTHING, including full custody. When it comes to the matters of the child I would leave nothing to chance. Plus I would not move out without first atleast consulting with an atty. You need to find out what the implications are if you do move out. Could she file based upon "Abandoment"? If you are in a No-Fault state then the affair is of no legal consideration.

I guess through my experience, after the "word" divorce has been brought to the table, the promises are all gone. I would only believe what I have a court arder stating. I hope I'm wrong, but I can tell I was way too trusting at the beginning of my divorce and it cost me a lot.

MEN make the big mistake of being blinded by old feelings and make many wrong decisions,and WOMEN play it to their advantage, If she SAID she wants out,tell her to make it happen, and get yourself a lawyer FAST, EXPLORE your options with a lawyer and be carefull, HER living in your house leaves you open for false accusations of domestic abuse, a card WOMEN play way too much, If this happens you are put at a definate disadvantage, you will NEVER see the inside of your house again, protect your assets and your kids and get a lawyer, many times the one who gets TEMPORARY custody ends up with RESIDENTIAL custody later on, FILE FIRST, you have photos and phone records showing SHE violated a marriage trust. YOU COULD win all the marbals, dont let her get the jump on you.

LH has some good advice for you. If you are in the house, STAY. Most lawyers advise on staying. Whatever your decision, make sure you establish your parental rights to see your child (that means 50/50 overnights).
Document how often she has been away (with signed letters from daycare if possible) to establish that you have been the primary caretaker.

Read all you can, and get into a support group, you may need it.
Stay away from advice on this board which sounds ANGRY and blaming, use that which is helpful and reasonable.

"A little background: My W and I have been struggling to say the least for about 4 months. I believe the main reason we have not been able to move on to better our crumbling marriage is that she is never home (travelling 5 days out of the week) due to her job. "

That and the fact that she had this A right? I'm assuming it's over and she's written the NC letter? Is that correct?

Swears the A was a EA, and "if it was a PA I would have been gone long ago" as the PA would have been her "out". I have come to terms that she had an affair of whatever sort. I just want to move on with her and with our family in tact. I spoke to alot of people today, friends, family, and strangers, they all say to stay home and make her do the leaving. That's what I will do tonight, stay home, pray, be strong, and hope tomorrow shines a new light. I am about to cry while typing. Thanks to all for any more support and help.

Even in no fault states, there is bias upon evidence of adultery or abuse.

And the spousal abuse? Women use it too much? Depends on the woman. My stbxh moved out of house nd then moved back in. Pushed me down stairs and was very abusive. Have photos and police reports backing it up. Not all women are fakers. Just alot of liars of both sexes when it comes to adultery. That is paramount.\

I believe you should stay in the house and get custody of kids. You're the parent at home and the one involved with kids. Doesn't matter if you are male or female. Your stbxw is not trying. Just like my stbxh did. He would not even go to one counseling session. Affairs do that. Warps their mind. I say hire a pi again and sit back. If they do not WANT to end it or work on m, there is nothing to do but protect yourself and the kids.

I am sorry and (((hugs)))) to you through this ordeal. Pray and stand tall for the kids ok?>

How about if I get her to sign a letter stating our intent for the next two weeks. In other words, her promising to go to the retreat, stating that I am in no way abandoning her during these two weeks, and her not filing for divorce until after the retreat. That way, if she doesn't sign, I will know her true intent! Just a thought. BTW, I am scared to go home tonight.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by wondering111:
<strong>How about if I get her to sign a letter stating our intent for the next two weeks. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Again from experience, My X and I each signed a tempory agreement and had it witnessed. Heck my X even wrote most of it. BUT since it was done without legal advice, it was worth about as much as the paper it was printed on in court.

In other words, I wouldn't recommend making a move without visiting with an atty.