My W finally made a move on the D. I received a copy of her proposed financial settlement. Basically, this is what she wants from me:

50% of daycare expenses
50% of all school related costs
50% of all medical bills
50% of all extracurricular activities
50% of all other expenses
pay for daughter's health insurance

I have no problem with any of this since this is what we've been doing the past 8 months.

20% of my net salary (a little under $800/mth)
50% of my stock options (not sure what she means; if it's my mutual funds, she's entitled, if it's my Long Term Incentive Plan through work, that's fine, it's based on the profitability of the company over the past six years, which has no value at this point)

Now, I want to makes some points. I have true 50/50 shared custody and am already incurring half the day to day costs of raising our daughter. Since I've already been paying half the costs listed above, $800/mth seems quite excessive to me. 20% is the standard in my state, but that's for a typical 80/20 or 70/30 split in custody, when there's a huge disparity in incomes (not the case here) and the expenses aren't split equally.

Also, my W makes no mention of her profit sharing and stocks, which I'm entitled to a portion of. I am not surprised.

I'm sure my W (or most likely her lawyer) is shooting for the moon.

One other thing I found funny, a sentence that read "...any further attempts at reconcilliation would be futile...". What attempts? Doesn't this imply she tried to reconcile? It made me laugh.
Could be just typical legal wording, but I will make sure that in my reponse my lawyer states that my W never expressed any desire to reconcile. Just something I need on the record.
Anyway, I'll let me lawyer do her job and stay out of it as much as possible.

Even with this latest move on my W's part, I'm still not convinced this is truly what she wants, but with custody and the house issues being settled, she had no more excuses not to make some move. In any case, I've got to stand my ground and protect myself.

I'm feeling somewhat relieved, yet sad and worried. Relieved that something is happening, albeit not what I want. Sad that she never gave us a chance and worried that she'll be even more unhappy than ever (which she has indicated), but won't have anyone to blame for the situation she will find herself in.

sad dad

Sad Dad, As someone living through the shared custody route, I thought I’d share my thoughts:

“50% of daycare expenses
50% of all school related costs
50% of all medical bills”

I totally agree with the above costs and distribution.

”50% of all extracurricular activities”

In my state this is actually considered part of “child support”, however I do agree that as long as y’all are making decisions jointly that this is fair. Now in my case we are mandated to make the decisions jointly but as of late this has been a point of frustration.

“50% of all other expenses”

I’m curious as to what this mean????????

“pay for daughter's health insurance”

That’s fine as long as it’s reflected on the Child Support.

“20% of my net salary (a little under $800/mth)”

In my state the child support is not based upon percentage of income, we have a huge formula. However, it allows for adjustment based upon custody.

I would counter offer by taking somewhere between 35 – 45% off the $800 and deducting 1/2 of the insurance cost. Probably putting your support in the $400 range.

As far as stock options, if your portfolio’s are similar then it would be best to leave them alone. If one is of significantly more value then somehow work out half the difference of the portfolio’s.

Her proposal sounds reasonable, but extracurricular should be worded so that you agree on it (but I didn't think it was included in CS).
Child Support:
In my state, from what I understand, the formula for one child is 17-20% of the combined income to go to support, then dependent upon custody, and prorated by income. (2 children is 25%)
Which means that if she makes $50,000, and you make $70,000, of the combined $120,000, 20% is $24,000 which is intended to support the child. Since you have 50/50 custody, then the 20% would be allocated as follows:
You 700000/120000*24,000 or $14,000
Wife 50000/120000824000 or $10,000
So effectively, you would only pay her the difference as child support, or $4000/year, or $333/month. Ask your attorney about this.
You can calculate the numbers for your own situation.

PS. What are you including in the proposal about college costs? I need to find out.
Thanks.

LH & newly,

The numbers you propose seem a little more in line.

Newly, according to your formula (by the way, your numbers on our incomes on right on the mark), at $800/mth, I'd be paying about $17k/yr vs. $7k for my W, almost 71%, even though I earn only 60% of our income.

I have already started an college savings acount for my daughter through a state managed mutual fund called Brightstart. I will be able to make a sizeable contribution (5k+) soon when I get an inheritance due to me.

LH, I know what you mean about just splitting the difference in our portfolios. Here's the catch. My lawyer served my W with discovery for documentation of her profit sharing and stocks. My W had until 2/19 to provide the necessary documentation, but never did. I've already provided my lawyer my info. I can't even begin to negotiate a settlement until all the cards are on the table so to speak.

There are so many possible scenarios and alternatives. I don't want to get involved because it could drive me crazy. I'll let the lawyers deal with it, hopefully narrow the gap until there a very minor details to work out.

sad dad

<small>[ March 17, 2003, 02:39 PM: Message edited by: sad dad ]</small>

Make sure college is part of the discussion. Also, make sure the funds already invested are protected from your X's access, they should only benefit your child.

Good luck with this. At least you are getting reasonable proposals.

Well, the saga and the waiting game continues. My W and I had our taxes done 2 weeks ago and I found out she makes more than I thought, which only makes her settlement proposal more ridiculous. I found out my net income was only $13k more than hers, and in my state CS is based on net incomes. With the settlement proposal she made, I'd be paying her over $9k/yr, so her income would be greater than mine.

To make things even more confusing, she has yet to resond to the financial discovery she was served with in Jan. My lawyer asked her to provide financial statements on her profit sharing and stocks. My lawyer sent her lawyer a letter on 3/28 again asking for her financials, and she has yet to provide them. Until she complies, I can't respond to her proposal. I'm meeting with my lawyer on Monday to discuss if there are any legal options to compel her to provide the necessary documents. It's very strange. She wants this over, but won't cooperate with a simple request.

sad dad