I have been going through divorce situation since November, it will take a while for things to go through because of a business. There is no way we are going to call it off. I cannot be married to my ex anymore. The question I have is, I have this friend who is an incredible, amazing person. We talk all the time about our situations, his is almost identical to mine. We enjoy eachothers company and when we do things together or not do anything together but talk, It is just a breath of fresh air for the both of us to have someone to talk to and enjoy company with out thinking too much about our pain, but trying to work through it together for somone who understands and just will listen. Oh how confusing, I feel guilt when I think about that I am not divorced yet, but he is my friend and with out him right now I don't know how I would be feeling, or doing. Any imput?

Foottolong- That is how my DBF met....he is still going through his divorce, my post with question is 3 down.

Anyway, DBF is and always has been the ONLY person in my life who understands me and what I have to put up with.His reason for breakup was similar to mine, although my ex was much more agreeable and we divorced in half the time. Take it as a sign and build on the friendship.

Please don't feel guilty. IMHO the minute you stopped living with the ex, was the day you broke up and a peice of paper should not change that particulary if you are in the divorce process anyway.

((((hugs))))

Foot - do you realize what you are saying. You are in an affair. An affair, and you are still married to your husband. Yeah, the friend is fulfilling your needs. Yeah, the friend is being a friend. If you read the Harleys books, what you are doing is wrong. You no longer see your husband as a friend.

Read the books, and the recommendation is that you need to get through the divorce by yourself. Work on yourself. You are being rescued, and you are rescuing him. Don't you see that both of you are showing signs of co-dependency. This is not a relationship of love. This is a co-dependent relationship.

Also, once you are divorced, to not even think of dating till 1-2 years past the divorce. Of course, unless it is your spouse. Cause you haven't had time to work on yourself, at all. You haven't had time to look into your inner self.

You are using this person as a crutch, and he is using you as a crutch. It seems you don't see this, and what you are looking at is a fantasy, an illusion, and there is nothing there for you.

Read, Dr. PHils books too. You need to work on yourself.

FTL
Faith4Me is right, and her tenure here has given her some insight. All the info here at Marriage Builders will explain it. But your words sound like every wayward spouse I've ever heard here on these boards and read about over the last 2 years. IMHO, you're in "the fog" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You are married until you are legally divorced. At the point when the D happens, most counselors and those who've been through it recommend 1-2 years before starting a relationship. This allows time for you to work through all the emotions and cycles that you aren't even aware of deep within you. It also alleviates any subsequent guilt which might occur from rushing into another relationship so quickly.

I agree with Faith.
Blimey, marriage is not just a piece of paper, some dumb a**e people say that.
Finish with the old before you start with the new.

As for getting friendly with the opposite gender is so wrong. Discussing your divorce and your spouse with him/her.

Thats what my W did during our S with a male co-worker, look whats happened. He wormed his way in with a vulnerable, grieving woman offering her the world before we could ever contemplate reconcilation or get divorced. I loathe him for what he has done, pursueing her. She cried on his shoulder and told him everything. She defends me all the time and he puts me down saying I don't deserve her. Manipulation BIG time or what!!

She is definatley on the rebound, but NEVER talk to the opposite sex (unrelated) when you are in this situation.