My husband was married for 27 years to his ex-wife. We've been married since November 2000 but have been together for a year and a half. He is a very sweet, loving, caring man to me and my 11 year old son. His ex became his ex because she was not faithful to him. She met men on the internet. Both in person, on the phone and in chat rooms. I have not done anything to lead my husband to believe I would leave him for anyone else or want some one else. But... he on more than one occasion has thought that I would. I feel he doesn't trust me because of his past experience. How can I convince him I that he's the ONLY ONE for me? How can I help him to leave the past where it is, move on to the future without this baggage and stop bringing his past problems into our present?

Get a book on jealousy and learn all about it and how to beat it, before he drives you to do the very thing he's afraid of. We all have a way of making our worst fears come true.

The point which may be hard to understand is that it really isn't about you, but about him, his feelings of self worth and security. Twenty seven years with someone who has stepped out frequently is bound to have an affect on him. Conversely, though, if you read Harley's books or the essays on this site (which I highly recommend), if his wife was seeking to have her needs met elsewhere, it may well have been because they weren't being met at home. <BR>You are in a very new relationship- a year and a half is a short time to have been together. It is not at all uncommon for people this early in a relationship to have insecuritites about how to handle arguements, disagreement, anger, etc. For many, based on their previous life's experience, including family of origin, dealing with anger or conflic constructively is difficult, because of the fears of abandonment it raises. Your husband may have issues around that, also- I'm just guessing, because you haven't given a lot of information.<P>What to do? In a nutshell, start making some deliberate efforts to build intimacy, trust, and communication. Look over the materials on this site, for a start. Try out some of the questionaires, such as the emotional needs survey. Review concepts like love busters, angry outbursts- see if there are behaviors either one of you could address that would improve the confidence and intimacy level for both of you. This may seem artificial at first, but in a way it is strage that marriage is one of the most momentus activities we can engage in during our lives, and yet we receive so little training and planning for how to make the most of it. The books from the Harley's and recommendations from other participants in this site will steer you in many useful directions. <BR>It sounds to me like you have a good basis to build on- now, the two of you just need to to take some conscious charge of the process, and build a partnership together. Building this kind of intimacy will do more to dispel jealousy or abandonment issues than anything else I can think of. And if you have trouble getting started, don't forget that phone counseling is available from the Harleys at very reasonable cost- you might find that even a few sessions now, before problems grow, is a very good investment in the future. <P>Best regards, and good luck.<P>Jon

Thank you so much for the reply messages. I appreciate any and all input/suggestions. Yours sounds very understandable. Thank you.