Last night my H and I had fairly lengthy conversations, the point of which was that he had decided he didn't think he could forgive me, that he doesn't think he ever will be able to, that he doubts we could be together without him bringing up my A all the time, so it's time that we agreed to a divorce and that we both moved on. I told him that I felt the same way, sadly enough, but that I didn't think we'd tried everything possible to save our M yet (I wish we could try MC), but he said he felt we'd done all we could. Then the convo kept going, and by the end we were discussing the pros and cons of each other as spouses. By the time he hung up on me (he's famous for that now), he said, "See, you've got lots of reasons to divorce me."

Now many hours have passed, and I don't want a Dv. I want my H back. I wish we could find a way to get back the amazing marriage and partnership we once had. I've been an emotional wreck. AFter days of quietly being alone and thinking to myself that a Dv was probably the answer, actually talking about that reality with my H, it doesn't feel right.

I sent my H an email today, something I rarely do, because he never replies to emails, but I had to send it. In it I said, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You may want to wait to read this until you have some quiet time alone.

H, I fear you got the wrong message from me last night. The last thing you said was that I have a lot of reasons to divorce you. I don't want to divorce you. I will go ahead with a divorce if that is what you truly want, but still I don't want that.

I do not want to lose you H. I want to be your wife, in every sense of the word. I want to hold you, talk with you, laugh and cry with you, comfort you, and share the joy of raising a family with you. I want to grow old with you. You still hold a very special place within my heart, and always will. I still love you, and have great difficulty imagining a life without you by my side.

I don't want to lose you, but I fear that I already have.

Please let me know if you ever change your mind and you do want to try to save our marriage and be together.

Being at home today is certainly not a good thing. All it does is give me time to sit here and get more and more depressed. This hurts so much H. I can only imagine how much it hurts for you. Once again, I am so sorry for doing this to us. I wish there was something I could do to make things better.

I love you H, and I always will,

Jen</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've been with my H since we were 17 and 18, and wonder if that's part of why I don't want to lose him, that he's just so much a part of who I am, that I'm not capable of really imagining life without him. So finally, onto my question: How many of you have been together with your spouse for most of your adult life, and now find yourself about to be alone and unsure of your future, all alone?

Thanks for reading my longwinded post on a day when I'm feeling really low.

Jen

My X and I had our first blind date when we were 15 (her) and 17 (me). Believe it or not it was a full year between our first and second date anyway after a lustful courtship we were married at 16 (her) and 18 (me).

Married 12 years. She moved from one man to another so never really had to face being alone. I, however, know what lonliness is and have brought my life to a much more fulfilling level.

Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers

I'm right there with you LostHusband, heck, I should change my name to LostHusband2.0 or something. Me and my wife met at 16(me) and 17(her). She once again has never been alone. I probably had as many G-Friends my entire life as she had B-Friends in HighSchool. Now she is leaving me and there is no A involved, no physical abuse involved. We have a 3 year old Daughter. I just don't know what has come over her. Now she wants to be alone and it killing me to be alone. Figure that huh? Such as life.

Best wishes and I pray for your M to work out Jen.

All I can manage to get out right now is that you are a gem, Jen and I pray that your H wakes up very soon, like yesterday, perhaps and comes back to you.

I sent my own ex-wife an email expressing my love and gratitude to her and she said that it was lovely, but that it made her uneasy to hear it.

I can tell your H, from first hand experience, that not one thing I have been through in my life comes even a little close to the pain of the ending of my marriage and I have lost both of my beloved parents during my 30's.

Your H cannot even begin to comprehend the Hell he is in for if he cannot forgive you and make a proper marriage. He will have a new life alright; it will be a life of pain and loneliness the magnitude of which are beyond his most dire imaginings.

The pain of a WW is zippo compared to the pain he will have with the knowledge that he could have had her back and did not take that chance.

And to answer your original question, I have known my wife since she was about 2 years old.

A

I too met my husband when I was 16 (he is 7 years older and married before), we got married when I was 17, the day after my high school graduation to be exact. I was 20 when I had our daughter and had a son 5 years later. So now I am looking at 23 years of marriage that has fallen apart. We have been separated since January. I too feel like I cant make it on my own, since I went straight from my parents house to his. Basically, I grew up with him. Although I have worked most of our married life, I have never had to support myself on my own. I have a brand new house and car to pay for, plus my son's braces and he'll soon been 16 and driving, daughter in college....it seems to overwhelming to even think about at this point. I will also say this is the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life. My mom commited suicide 12 years ago and that was horrible, but death is final, there is no feeling of being in limbo forever waiting to see what will happen. Oh, and at this point I just want to choke those well-meaning people who say everything is going to be fine and you are better off without him!

I met my husband in the beginning of 7th grade. I've been with him ever since. A typical cheerleader/jock thing. We married 1 year after I graduated from high school. In July, it will be 20 years of marriage for us. I have two boys, 14 and 15. It was very tough in the beginning but in all honesty, I couldn't imagine life without him.

I met my H when I was 16, and he was 17, been together 13 years this March 27th.Hard to believe I was ever so young. 16 is so young....... engaged at 17 and married the day after I tunred 18. IMHO alot of our problems came from marring young, but its about 50/50 when I think about doing it anyother way.

I dated my H when I was 16 and he was 17, smae hometown, same high school. We'd break up, he'd date another, I would date another, we'd get back together, we'd break up, get back together. Typical HS, college stuff. He even cheated on me back then, with 2 of my roomates and a couple of other girls on the side. Of course, this was the early 70's <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> , and messing around was expected, especially for young guys.
I had a double standard (well, it's cheatin, but not really cheating...)
Anyway, after a few months in Uncle Sam's Navy, he decided we were truly meant to be, we got engaged, married at 20 and 21 respectively. Didn't have our first child until I was almost 24.
We were so happy and we had so much fun right up until the last few years. He got what he wanted in his career, and I guess in many ways I didn't meet his expectations.
But we've been a part of each other's everyday life for so long that I struggle daily with reality. I don't think he does though. It doesn't seem to phase him one bit.

I was 16 when we met, him 19 and in the Air Force, first time away from home so on. Says that he was engaged but she broke it off because of him being in the AF (asked his best friend and siblings about this, they don't remember them announcing there engagement). We were friends before we ever dated, and talked about this at length. He finally left me for her 21 years later, says that he thought of it many times over the years but didn't do anything about it.

He went to visit her and her family while on a business trip in the middle of a Middle Life Crisis and fell into a "What if" thing and came home and said that he wasn't happy and that he needed to be happy. Wasn't un happy though either!!!

FOG!!!!!! It's so harmful!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks for all the responses. I had a feeling there would be quite a few of us who'd been together since high school. I am not sure to what extent getting together so young has had on our marriages and the lack of fidelity in them or not, but it does seem fairly certain that when we've gone "from the nest" into their arms, and never been on our own that it's pretty difficult when we're forced to do it.

NMWBTWBD - I really appreciate your kind words. I would show them to my H, but I doubt he cares what anyone thinks but himself. My guess is he doesn't think he'll be lonely, he's got his 2 female best friends and his 4 brothers, and he's got to spend a lot of his time with his now widowed mother. Maybe how busy he is right now is affecting his reaction to things, who knows.

NMWBTWBD and Canlethimgo - Thank-you for sharing that you feel that losing a spouse through divorce is more painful than losing a loved one. I can begin to understand your point. I can accept that God has taken my FIL, and it's done, there's nothing more anyone I can do to bring him back. But my H and I are both alive and well, and here we sit, deciding to be apart. It seems so senseless.

I got out of the house for a couple of hours, and thankfully, I'm not quite the mess I was earlier. It's good to hear from people who have some of the same feelings too.

JB

I was 18 and he was almost 19 when we met. I was just getting out og highschool and also went straight from home to him. Never been alone before. I was pregnant when we got married and also had a lot of problems the first 7 yrs but after that things were better and this has just floored me. Sometimes it seems he is coming out of the fog and other times not. It is very confusing but I don't want a divorce and he has never brought it up even tho he is practically living with the OW. If that is what he wants then he can go file but I won't. I love him and believe we can work things out and I won't give up on us. It's just so hard sometimes.

I was 18 & he was 19 when we met. We married 3 years later.