If any one out there has any insight or suggestions after you read my story, please,please, please, let me know. I have been married for just under 7 years to my 2nd husband, J. I have two daughters from my first marraige, 15 and 17. I spent 8 years single and quite content when I met and fell maddly in love with J. We had to relocate right after we got married because of his job. That meant that I had to quit my job and my girls, 8 and 10 at the time, had to change schools and all that goes with that. Because his job was supposed to move a couple of more times in the following year before he was to settle in one place, we decided that if we were going to have a baby that this was going to be a good time to do that because I couldn't persue y carreer and the girls needed me at home. I was pregnant with in two months. Right away he started to change toward me. He was still always fun, and kind toward me, but it became more and more evident that his carreer came befor all else. To this day I have never been to dinner with him without a cell phone in his ear! Anyhow, our beautifull little girl was born exactly 11 months after our wedding. <BR>It had been a terrible pregnancy, we moved to another town in the middle of it -- I was very, very alone. I complained many times that I needed some attention and stability That year of not settling down turned into three. Then he was fired. I was thrilled. He of course was devistated. He was offered another position with another company almost immediatly and we were finally able to move home for good. We had no chance to enjoy our long waited stability. My oldest daugter, 14 at the time began to behave in the worst ways. It turns out that she is bi-polar. It has been a horrible 3 years due to that. With all of his attention on his carreer, and for the last nine months he has moved into a very fun executive position, lots of travel, perks, recognition....and I have been left to raise our daughter and deal with all of the fall out that the eldest has caused. She is finally stable and going to be o.k. Now he wants a divorce. He is determined, and says he has never loved me. I don't believe him. He says there is no hope. I can't accept that. Our distractions from and our neglect of our marraige doesn't mean I don't love him, I do. I made a terrible mistake about 3 months ago. He was working so much and putting me off when he was home that I got very demanding. I started to protest all of the time. I woould end up yelling and crying. I just wanted him to understand how hurt I was. It didn't work. Christmas day, after he had been so neglectful to every one all day and I finally got angry, he said that it was over. After a lot of tears and a lot of me talking he agreed to stay until the end of the school year so our daughter won't be so traumatized. In the meantime, I am supposed to be incredibly good to him while he tells me every day that there is no hope, he doesn't love me or like me. I do o.k. most of the time, but I have made a blubbering fool out of myself on more than one occassion. If I'm wonderful to him he either says I am fake or it makes him feel so ad that I am trying so hard when there is no hope. If I cry, it makes him mad. He has taken to staying out more and more and I have caught him in a numer of lies reguarding where he has been. Nothing makes him madder than being caught in a lie. I don't know why, he just says I'm crazy anyhow. Yes, he is shallow and self centered and not the most compassionate man on earth, but I chose to spend the rest of my life with him, I share a daughter with him, and I love him. He literally has one foot out the door and committed to having the other follow. I am so scared and so desparate. <BR>

In Agony,<P>I will be blunt. The odds are high he is having an affair. The symptoms are all there. Now what to do. I would recommend that you do some reading. First, see if you can find the book His Needs Her Needs by Harley.<P>Second, go to the "Just found out" section of this board, and look up NSR's general greeting. Within that greeting NSR has bookmarked many articles on this site and others. Please read about Plan A. It is about working on yourself and making coming home attractive to your H.<P>Please read, then post and ask questions. People here will answer you.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

My heart goes out to you, In Agony.<P>I just had the courage to leave an 11-year relationship with an adulterous, passive-aggressive man and can tell you, with a fair amount of certainty, that going through "love withdrawal" is better than continuing to subject one's self to emotionally abusive behavior. If you suspect you are staying in the relationship more out of a fear of being alone, or feel panicked that you'll never find love again (like me), check out this site:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.passiveaggressive.homestead.com/HOWandWhy.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.passiveaggressive.homestead.com/HOWandWhy.html</A> <P>You have every right to feel angry or hurt by his neglect and deserve much better in life.<P>Wishing you strength in whatever choices you make,<P>TaoistGirl <P>