Well, Monday my W was saying that she would file for a D if I did not give space by leaving for 3 weeks until the Retrouvaille weekedend which I think she may or may not go to. After much advice from family, friends, and you guys, I cowboyed up and told her if anyone was gonna leave it would be her, that I am staying put. This INFURIATED her Monday night, since we kinda were leaning to me actually going. Anyway, here is a rundown of the night.

She came home, asked when I would leave, and I declined and cooked a great supper. She of course told me wonderful things when I tried to initate conversation like "SHut UP", "I hate you". I kept a good attitude did not argue, smiled, and told her how diappointed I have been with her actions. I saw her crying on the sofa while I was in the kitchen. (First time I saw emotion from her in months) As a side note, my W somehow thinks a D is going to be nice and easy. After putting our son down for the night, she said one of us will not sleep here tonight. Well, I wasn't going anywhere, so she packed a bag and headed to her mom's. I tried to give her a goodby hug which she would have no part of. I did bring her suitcase to the car for her. She left at 10 pm.

However, I was awoken at 10:30 by the door opening. She slept in the other room, but came home. Ha. Ha.

Well yesterday she should have filed for a D, but of course Mrs. "Fencestraddler" did not. She came home, and as a reward to her, I went to the gym, to a friends house, and did not return until 12 am when I found her in our bed. I crawled in, without 100% desire from her, but what the hell, I am not the deserter here, she also has legs that can carry her to one of the other 4 beds in the house. This morning was friendly.

Sometime yesterday when I thought she would actually file, I started talking to many friends and co-workers who were not aware of my circumstances. Funny thing, most people said "You can't do anymore, the ball is in her court." I finally have fully accepted that notion, and damn near all of my anxiety left within a few hours. It is her loss, not mine. My chin is up, and today is brighter. Who knows what the future holds. Worse case scenario would follow the old saying, "If you let something go and it comes back, it is yours to keep." Thanks.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "If you let something go and it comes back, it is yours to keep." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Detachment is a wonderful place, when you realize you can only change yourself and your actions, but have no control over others.

You did great. Stay strong. I still suggest you see a lawyer. There are many spouses who make accusations and call police when nothing has occurred, then once you are out of the house, the spouse assumes you won't come back.

Yep, gonna see a lawyer tomorrow at 10 am. I have no intention to file. I just want to load my gun so to say and run through a few scenarios with him.

PS See my other post. Document your parental skills and time with your child. Especially since she's been out of town for so long. I don't recommend a custody evaluation, try to work it out. (Yes, I know that if we could work things out we'd all still be married, but try).
My H first wanted full custody, then would only settle for 50/50. I offered 6 of 14 days. He refused. Now he'll only get 4 or 5 of 14 days.

I know you want to salvage your marriage. Try as hard as you can to do this. My marriage wasn't salvagable. There are many books to help. I hope the Retrovalle helps, as well as this site. Have you read all of the MB concepts? Are you doing Plan A. I never believed I'd be divorced, and I don't recommend it. For me, it is the right answer.

Have been in the plan A for about 4 months now. SHe still adimately says it was a EA and is over now since end of Jan. But at the same time she became really, really withdrawn from me. I was headed to the plan B stage with the whole 3 week move out plan, but I thought since she has been gone for so long, it would make it too easy for her (not to mention may give her the reason to file). I think she has not had the time to consider the pain a D would cause for her, me and our son which is why plan B seemed like a good idea, but after weighing the pro/cons, she should be the one to move if that is the last resort. I am thoroughly convinced that if she left and we went to a plan B stage, she'd come crawling back rather quickly. Basically, she wants her cake while eating it too.

I have gotten toll road bills showing her whereabouts for the last 3 months which were not at home, phone records to OM (129/month at very odd hours and days), a picture with them snuggled up, emails him asking her on dates (which on those she declined), emails from me asking to repair the M but her awful responses like "Don't send me this s**t". Daycare knows I drop off and pick up every morning because she it out of town. I think she will be in for a rude awakening in court. I'll see what the attorney says tomorrow.

I hope you've made photocopies of all of these items and are keeping them stored somewhere outside of your house. If not, give them to a friend.
I'm sure from what you may have read on these boards that adultry doesn't mean much in divorce court.

wondering, just stay in the house, do not cooperate with the divorce, and make her follow through with her requests. . .

keep up the Plan a, and continue as you are doing. . .

take teh EN quiz for your wife and try to hit those targets. . .

wiftty

wondering111

I agree with the other, show a good PMA, always upbeat, practice good active listening, and make it a point to say your are looking foward to the Retro weekend. Quit snooping, it will only drive you crazy.