This is my first post and I'm little nervous about the whole thing. I have been married for over 10 years. I love my H dearly and would do anything to please him intimately, but it has been almost a year since we have shared an intimate relationship.<P>He and I have begun communicatig more which I thnk is a positve sign, but there is no sex. Affecton yes. That lack of communication is according to him the root cause of our lack of intimacy, but I know he has been and is having an affair online. I have seen him chatting with this person and they are very intimate. I know she thinks she is in love with him.<P>He tells me, that he's not having an online relationship, but I know it is not the first time, but this one seems to have lasted the longest. <P>I want the intimacy in my mariage that we shared befoe tngs took a wrong turn.<P>I must take my share of the blame for not paying as much attention to what was going on, but I thought it was a physical problem.<P>We went to the doctors, had all the test, they could find nothing wrong.<P>Then we finally had a really long discussion about the problems we were having.<P>I am really trying to re-adjust my attitude and behavior, but feel like a one legged duck swimming in circles.<P>Recently he told me he wasn't sure if he wanted to work things out or not.<P>I was devasted by that remark, and wonder what is really going on.<P>I want things to work out, but if this keeps up, I may lose what small grip I have.<P>How can a person not want the one they supposedly love at all but have a sexual relationship with someone online. I am feeling betrayed...I don't know if I should believe myself or not. Am I wrong? Am I allowing this online thing too much power over me and my desire to save my marriage and regain the intimacy we have shared in the past?

fightingformylife,<BR> Yes, he is cheating on you with this on-line romance. I suggest that you read Dr.Harley's advice on surviving an affair. <BR> Good Luck!<BR>hope5

Article on online infidelity:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/print/mbi5028p_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/print/mbi5028p_qa.html</A>

I saw a recent survey of women who's H's have been caught using cybersex and the concensus was that they all felt betrayed and terribly hurt. Your feelings about this are perfectly normal. In fact a lot of people get hung up on the cybersex and never learn to see past it. The result is that they never resolve the issues in the marriage that led to the betrayal in the first place. It ends in divorce. <P>Recovering a marriage is a difficult task. It requires a lot of commitment and emotional energy. But it can be recovered and ussually results in better marriage than before. The most difficult part of recovery is accepting that we cannot change our partners and that they are not responsible for our happiness. If you can handle these two RULES then you will find it mauch easier. <P>The phlisophy of this site is to focus on changing yourself. Learn to meet his emeoitonal needs better than he could ever imagine. Rebuild the emotional trust you once had and the love will come with it. <P>Read everything on this site first. Then post again. You will find the Emotional Needs forum has more posters.

Anything that comes between husband and wife needs to be eliminated, especially if it involves emotional and sexual domains that should be exclusively marital. He needs to come to see this. Good luck.