I'm absolutely desperate. My wife of seven years has just informed me she has spoken with a lawyer and is filing for divorce. We have two children 6 & 4. I don't want the divorce, I don't think we have put enough effort into the relationship to decide it's not worth it. I have told her I want to try counseling or anything that would get an impartial 3rd party moderator involved but she refuses to listen, her mind is made up. Her parents are constantly involved in our life together and I believe are acting as a negetive influence concerning the relationship. After all her father actually paid for the lawyer. I'm in my late 30's and she her mid 30's. She Likes to party and since we have been married has ,many times, got so drunk she has become violent and abusive. The police has been to our house 4 times, 2 at my request and 2 at her request. All four times she has been removed from the house. I have never been abusive, but I have made an issue out of her drinking problem, the last time (recently) I even tried to take a tough stand and forbid any alchohol in the house. This is what drove her to a lawyer. there is no talking to her. I hope someone has some ideas for me, I don't want the relationship to end because I truly love her and know that she's worth the effort. Her parents are in total denial that she has a drinking problem, and are very mad at me for having her removed from the house and delivered to them by the police on 4 occasions. They are very "status conscience" people and are imbarassed at the results of these achohol related incidents. I know that what we have is not perfect, but I am willing to work as hard as I can to fix things. I've actually got her to go to counseling in the past but after the third visit she refused to go anymore. I want this to work out very much but have no idea what to do next. The horrible reality is that we will loose the beatiful home we have built for our children, and have to start all over again. She is a wonderful mother, but not a very good mate. All of her freinds are single or divorced and like to party also. Thank you for any assistance you can provide.

Begin reading any books on Codependency (author Melodie Beatty) and find an Al-anon group near you.
Her parents are enabling because that's what they've always done, you have probably been enabling too.
Find an individual counselor to deal with the "crisis" you are now in, and to help you deal with the many emotions. If she has seen a lawyer, you should too, to protect yourself and your parental rights.
It actually looks good for you that they removed her from the house 4 times (rather than you).

Keep trying to get her to MC, but if she insists on separating, and you can't agree on visitation, etc. use a mediator to work things out.
Good Luck. Read all you can on this site, I mean the concepts not the discussion boards. I think there are articles on Alcohol abuse in the Q&A sections.
Seeking counseling to help you deal with this, will be the best thing you can do for your children.

I know how you are feeling but believe me you cannot help her she has to want to help herself, I know that you think that if only she would talk to you and you can explain to her what she is doing to you and the kids that she will see what she is doing. The best thing to do is do the opposite of what she expects you to do. a good book is Love must be tough by Dr. James Dobson. I was in your shoes for 15 years and each episode I did the same thing. I have now had to file for divorce because he walked out and left me and my 8 children. His parent's are also enabling him. I wish you the best and advise that you just work on you and try to let go. I know easier said than done with children are involved, but I guarantee you, you will survive, just take it one day at a time.