I have been a lurker here at the forum for some time, though I think this is my first post. <P>I have been married for two years. We have a good relationship, but do struggle at times. <BR>I began infertility treatments about 1 year ago. I was diagnosed with a condition that causes many things. Among them, infertility. I am only 25 years old. Every month since we began, our relationship is stressed more and more. I know alot of it is my fault. I feel alone, isolated, confused, angry. Husband does not understand. He says he does, and tries to. But he is not hurting like I am. I am emotionally, physically exhausted, not to mention financially.<BR>He has been involved in all of my treatments, and has even gone as far as giving me injections every night for weeks. He has been a trooper. But at the same time, I feel our relationship is slipping away. <BR>He resents how much this is effecting me. <BR>I resent him because he can't completely understand how I feel. <P>We just failed another cycle, the cycle my doctor called perfect. I am devastated and confused. Hubby just brushed it off, things will be okay, give it time. I don't know how much time I can give this. <P>I am mad that he is not hurting, I want him to cry and scream that No, this is not fair. This hurts like hell. He is dissapointed. But he never shares this. He wants to be strong and keep my spirits up. But it doesn't work that way. I feel worse. I feel that i have let him down once again. He wants to just leave it at that. No discussing. Anytime I want to talk, "everything will be fine", and that is that. <P>I am making sure that I do not obsess over my infertility. It is very hard. I do not discuss it all the time. But when I just finished a month long of meds and injections, and lousy feeling days, and days of blood work and ultra sounds, and insurance arguments..only to find out, that once again, it did not work, I feel that I am entitled to have at least 1 good day to cry and pout. Husband is not willing to give this to me. He wants me to smile and say, maybe next month. I can't. <P>Does anyone have any words of wisdom, or maybe you see something in this post am not seeing? I am lost and I don't know what to do. I don't want to let our relationship crumble because of this. But to be honest, we are getting further and further away from each other.<P><BR>Jennifer<BR>

Invetro? We tried for 5 years. The shots! Collecting eggs! The waiting and the failures. The cost!! Doctor didn't hold out any great hope for us. But we went on and on any way for year after year. It is very frustrating and for my wife a painful process as well.<P>My wife had a certain feeling of guilt do to her infertility. I felt helpless and frustrated and we fought but we continued.<P>Our son is 5 now. The little guy is the wonder and joy of our lives. Was it worth it? YES!! I believe he is more precious to us because of what we went through. His name is Grayson.<P>"Never give up! Never surrender!" that’s a quote from one of Gary's favorite movies -Galaxy Quest. We've watched it about 30 times so far. It's a good motto for this situation.<P><BR>

Jennifer: What you are feeling is so normal. Like the other poster, we went through hell and back to have children - it took us 4 drs and 13 years for our miracle child to be born with 5 miscarriages in between. We finally got to the point where we gave up. Then we moved in with my parents while building a house and wala we conceived. Please put your faith in GOD and when HE feels you are ready he will bless you with a child but you have to do it on HIS terms. When we finally conceived, I was put on a baby aspirin a day until my 8th month. For me I had a anticoagulant problem - where my blood would start to clot and I would miscarry. The baby aspirin kept my blood thin enough so it wouldn't happen and it worked. <P>Remember, Men are different in how the express their feelings. My H didn't show any sign of pain when we would have a missed month etc but I think inside he was feeling it, just didn't know how to show it. Or was afraid to show it around me - felt he needed to be strong. Don't discount your hubby - he is hurting but in his own way. Also, he isn't being poked and prodded as you are so can't completely relate to what you are going through. Have you been on Clomed? Wow I was I'm suprised my H didn't divorce me during that time period - I was a witch from the getgo. Hated that medication! Didn't work for me anyways. <P>What worked for us I think was giving up all methods of science, getting back to enjoying life and each other, putting our focus somewhere else and getting to realize that even if we never have children, we have each other and that would be okay. People would give me this advice and I hated it but in the end it was so true.<P>Hang in there and let us know how you are doing okay. Give him a big hug today on this wonderful Valentines Day! <P>Missy3<BR>

Thankyou both for your words..they meant alot to me. <BR>I ran into some more problems, I began a new cycle and experienced severe pain, doctor thinks I may have endemetriosis (sp?). No way of knowing without surgery.<BR>Anyhow, with this happening, and everything else in our lives (buying a house and staying with MIL till then) and now these complications with my...my husband told me we were stopping infertility treatment for awhile. At least till we get into our new house and we have both calmed down and I am feeling better and stronger. It wasn't a question. It was a decision. At first I was upset. But I know it's the best choice. And I know that if my husband didn't make that decision, I wouldn't have. Sure I talked about taking a break, but he knows I would have never done it. <BR>I feel like a million bricks have been lifted off my shoulders. I can now enjoy life again, enjoy my marriage, get back to what is important. Stop obsessing over my infertility and feeling like the world including my husband is against me. <P>I am feeling alot better. There are issues that I need to deal with, and I will. There are thing that my husband will never understand, and that is just the way it is. <P>I feel closer to my husband and hope that in time things will just get better. It's been a tense year and I am really enjoying this time off. I will take this time to enjoy life once again, not only my marriage but my friends and family that I have isolated myself from too. <P>When it comes down to it, most of our arguments were because of my isues. I can say that. I can say that now..<P>Thank you again...<P>Jennifer

I think taking a break may be great for you...<P>Hope all goes well with the move, your health, etc...<P>Hugs--<P>Kathi