Just found this site, and looks like somewhere that I might be able to find some answers and get some advice.
As my sign in name states - I am lost. My husband of almost 18 years has decided that he wants a divorce. Out of the blue, no warning at all. I mean, I knew we were growing apart somewhat, but I honestly had no idea that this was coming.
We have two lovely children, who don't know about this yet. Or, I haven't told them - they are with their father this weekend. He lives 2 hours away now and they think they were going to visit him just to give mom a break. They are 15 and 10 - I say they already know and we need to tell them. He wants to wait a while yet.
The thing is, I am going on such a roller coaster ride with this. One minute, I hate him. Can't wait for this to be done and over. Then the next, I can't imagine my life without him. I mean, it hasn't been without him for 18 years now, why start now?
This isn't the first time he has left, but it is the first time that he has had papers drawn up. I just really don't know if I will be able to sign them. I told him I would if it made him happy, but I am having my doubts.
Does this process ever get easier? Will I be messed up in the head forever? I am so confused I truly feel lost.

Ok I may be missing something here. You said it come as a complete suprise , but then said it isn't the first time he has left. Hum The kids must know something, why is mom and dad living apart?

What are the reasons he has givin you for leaving, in the past and now? Maybe that will let you in on what may be wrong.

This one was a complete surprise. Like I said, I knew we weren't talking as much, but overheard him tell a friend that he and I were getting along better than ever. Then, two weeks later - "I want a divorce." I thought he wasn't talking as much because of the problems he was having at work. He is the type to keep it in until he is ready to talk about it. Then, one day, he comes in and says " I just accepted a job out of town." It is about 2 hours away. That is the reason the kids haven't questioned us much about the living apart.

As to the reason for this time - he said that he loves me, but is not in love with me; that he can't live a lie anymore; and that "You need to find yourself and learn to live on your own."

Last time he left it was for another woman. And now I wonder why I took him back just to have this happen. The thing is, I love him. I want to hate him sometimes, but I just can't.

I just don't get it.

Am not sure what to say to you at this time, except read everything that you can here!!!! Don't give into him to make him happy, do what it is you need to do for you and your kids.

Here is a site that has been passed around here many many times, it's a good read and you might gain some insight.

Read, Read, Read there is so much here that can help you!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

http://128.121.203.65/hismidlifecrisis.html

"he said that he loves me, but is not in love with me"

This is a classic line that my XW used, and I later came to find out it is a classic line used by wayward spouses (WS's) who are having an affair.

I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts that your hubby is involved with another woman.

Good luck, read up, and try plan A as described at this sight. It won't be easy, it really takes a leap of faith.