Laughin'my a off in GA.

Ok..went out w/the girls last week and then went to park with son. A BALD GUY with about thirty more than he needed approached me and used Seinfeld line about really attractive women secretly liking "quirky bald guys" like George Costanza.

I smiled and tried not to laugh. Just said that he must have alot of confidence and that is good.

And I have lost about six more pounds and look really good now. Almost at perfect weight (college weight) and am in better shape than when Darth liked me.

Ok...Cindy and friends here this is the whole deal: When am I going to find a decent looking guy and when am I ever going to feel anything below the equator, if you know what I mean...

I have lived as a nun for over a year now and am ready to move on.

Must admit things havta change soon. I was watching coverage on war w/Iraq and saw some really cute soldiers and thought about since next weekend Darth has son, that I could just fed ex myself in a big box over there. Ok ok...I know there already is an RSO. I am laughing by the way.

Anyhow, I actually read. I SHALL CAP THIS: READ COSMO AGAIN YESTERDAY. I actually thought about life and dating and yes, read THE ARTICLES ABOUT EQUATORIAL MANAGEMENT ($ex). That is what my girlfriends call it. I am ready to throw in my habit (nun thing) and get a new habit. This is enough.

And I DO NOT LIKE QUIRKY BALD MEN UNLESS THEY ARE ON A SITCOM AND NOT IN REAL LIFE. Friend is different than a date.

I am going to have to do something soon. The financial issues are worse now as this is approaching the fifth month Darth has not paid us except for a thousand dollars. I am emailing attorneys today and am calling like mad beginning tomorrow. And get this, Although Darth has not paid us, he leaves this ridiculous message on my vmail: "If you have PLANS, instead of hiring a babysitter, why don't you use me first to watch our son when you go out". I was madder than heck. He just wants to either find out what is going on in my life or is beginning to figure out that son and I are moving on. And that a deadbeat dad is not a good dad. And a deadbeat playboy dad is a dad wearin' orange in about two weeks. funny, orange could look good on him. Wonder if the other fellas in the slammer will think so.....Gives a new meaning to the word boytoy. Ok. laughing again and with a kinda mean smirk on my face. Or possibly Darth is just wanting me to accept the fog and do the "friend" thing he wants. I am not going to accept it or allow him to be enabled period. He will see his son on visitation days and that is it. Unless there is an emergency. I work hard and want to be as much there for my son as possible. I also want my son to be in a moral environment and will ONLY seek anything with regard to my personal life when son is away visiting. That is my decision. And if should I begin dating someone in the future, will not be thrown in son's face. My little one has had enough to deal with.

Is a year and a half separation along with a divorce final and signed in about a month or less equal time to at least start looking? Am I safe to at least begin on that level with regard to starting over romantically? I just want to know.

What do you folks think? I will be without child next weekend and want to start as the countdown to singledom has begun.

And for those thinking I sound flippant right now, I fought like h#ll for my marriage for almost two years. Darth would not do anything past reading the MB documents I printed off for him. And only responded to plan B. Came home for three days after plan A and then announced he "could not live without his soulmate Ms. MOnkeyho" who has since dumped him and is shacking up with (but as he puts it not "really" living with just sleeping with) Ms. Family Values and her two year old son...All under same roof. Been in plan B firm for over nine months now and counting and no contact whatsoever unless it is about son and no more contact about legal situation. He is in contempt of court as of end of Feb. with regard to no payment of alimony and child support and has allowed one of his luxury vehicles, the one we purchased together while married and under my name and his corporation's name, to be repossessed and has attempted to do everything financially to FORCE ME INTO SUBMISSION AND ACCEPT HIS PENNIES HE THROWS OUR WAY all the while living in luxury with a 25 year old and vacationed even in St. Lucia over december while I wondered how to afford Christmas presents for my son and family.

If I seem lackdasical about my dying marriage now, I realize that it is now DEAD. DOA. And when I refer to DOA, I now mean Dead On Affair. My stbxh never went to counseling once with me and never even once thought about going to a MB conference in our city after my suggestions for six months because he COULD NOT HANDLE BEING TOLD THAT ADULTERY IS WRONG AND THAT MARRIAGES COULD BE SAVED. He didn't want it to be saved. He liked living in the fog waaaay too much.

Well the papers are going to be signed soon and I want to see if that fog is fun. Date. Start life over but responsibly with regard to being primary custodian of son. Want happiness, love, romance some day as well as equatorial management.

So is it ok to start looking now? Not acting on it yet but looking and possibly even marking the calendar with dates yet? I want to be fair and have desired honestly for the d to be final before doing so but this thing has gone on so very long and is over almost. I personally think I could go looking now and just be friends with someone and let them know that I will be taking requests for dates now and placing in my palm pilot calendar for next month. I think this is rational. I am not committing adultery. Just wanting to get a heads' up on being single.

Only thing really concerning me is 1)this situation and its dilemma 2)finances (living soooo frugal that it is amazing...But son is eating great and doesn't want for anything, just me who is wanting..pinching pennies even for gas money. 3)screwed up credit because Darth hasn't paid us over eight grand and out of that eight grand, four of it was for joint accounts until the divorce is final.

Not to ramble, but Darth kept the burden of bill payment with regard to joint cc accounts on my back as a mechanism by which he could control me financially and force me to bend to his choices, which I haven't. He thought it would be good leverage in getting me to settle cheap for child support and alimony with him but all it did was MAKE ME REALLY MAD AND MAKE MY ATTORNEYS EVEN MADDER AND MAKE THE JUDGE IRRITATED THAT HE HAS TO SEE THIS NON COMPLIANT JERK BEFORE HIM AGAIN.

Im in Ga and not bauld......lol

Hey Peach.....what a vent!

Ok, hon...... Darth is a darth is a darth. You though might be pinchin' pennies but your value is worth more than all the jewels in the world. In other words you are priceless, NOT worthless (which is what monkeyho and FM OW are doing). Esp FM OW, what kind of example is she setting for her child? Think she might be doing good but one can only dig for gold for so long before they sink lower than dirt.

So my dear, keep your chin up and if I remember correctly, you getting a date isn't an impossible thing, right? Your son may have to be holding that door shut once you are willing to step out there in that dating scene again.

Take care and B careful, ok?

L.

You forgot a colour of your STBX Husband - YELLOW! Not for support of our troops, but for the chicken$hit coward he is - not owning up to HIS causing this whole mess in the first place! Here's hopin' that: 1 - He sees Orange very soon, and 2 - You see Red for new love and passion in your new life!
May the Lord bless you, Peachy!
Harold

Here's a nice Euro song for you.. The NoteBook Dude is also a DJ - why not? I'm also Sauron, SauronAndGaladrie, DJ T-Bird, LuvDatBaby, and only the good Lord knows how many others...

Blue System - "Laila" by Dieter Bohlen
Laila, Laila, Laila, Laila, Lai
Laila, Laila, Laila, Laila, Lai

Laila, Laila, Laila, Laila, Lai
Laila, Laila, Laila, Laila, Lai

I'm justified and banned, baby for your love
Oh, i need you every day
I don't care, my feelings are just enough
This time, oh we'll go my way
It's not a problem, please don't go away
I don't care what people say

Laila, Laila, Laila, Laila, Lai
Oh I miss you Laila
Laila, Laila, Laila, Laila, Lai
Oh I need you Laila

Oh, Laila it's like ecstasy
Are you ready, oh come fly with me
Oh, little Laila, i make dreams come true
In a land of love for me and you

Anytime i see you, I'm hypnotized
Why we're going seperate ways
The mystery of love, babe I'm specialized
Oh, i miss you every day
Oh, we're searching just together, girl
Baby, for a better world

Laila, Laila...

<small>[ March 23, 2003, 09:48 PM: Message edited by: TheNoteBookDude ]</small>

Peachy, I hear you. I know it has been tough for you. Very tough.

As for the question about the year and a half before the divorce being enough, just read your post. You are still angry. Very angry. And you have every right to be.

But, that anger will not serve you well in the dating world. I think you need to work through some of that before you are really ready to date.

I'm a big believer in counseling. Have you seen anyone? Counselor - not a bald guy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I know you are eager to date. I know you are eager for the validation. And that makes sense. But, while you are giving up the marriage and any desire for darth, you have lots of healing of yourself to do.

After my x left, I felt very little sexually. Until, one day, I knocked on a classroom door to ask a teacher something and he stuck his head out. I looked at that face - at his gorgeous lips - and that part of me was healed. But he was way too young and was married. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

In time. And don't date just to spite darth. Wait till you feel healed. Let your son have some more stability.

You know, I had to do the validation dating about 6 months after ex left. Just sort of had to see if I could still go out there, was even still attractive enough to get a date. I had no intention of doing anything, just wanted to see if I could hold a reasonable conversation with someone somewhere near my own age. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It was fun, dated 2 guys, but realized I was no where near ready to have a relationship. I later sort of "fell" into a relationship... it wasn't something that would ever last other than friends, and 1.5 years ago I made that very clear.

I still really don't think I am ready for a relationship, not even sure I want to date. It nibbles at me at times, but then, I think about having to add more to my plate and I just sort of back off again.

Think we all go about being ready at different times. I remember after I was in a pretty nasty car accident (age 20) that sort of totalled out my face and that the first guy who actually sort of tried a line on me was a much older sort of flabby, florrid, balding guy on the flight to Hong Kong and it just shocked me to the core. It took me about 6 months to go out in public again willingly.

Wonder sometimes if that is how I ended up so vulnerable to match up with controlling men; you can't see the scars hardly at all, I am fairly attractive from what I've been told, but it still doesn't matter. I guess I settled... next time, if there is a next time, I refuse to settle. I want to be right with "my" world before I attempt a relationship.

LOL, I don't see my world being right anytime soon, so am getting comfortable with being single, old, and free to make my own decisions. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Lori <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

[QUOTE]Originally posted by notpeachyinga:
[QB]Laughin'my a off in GA.

Hey there....Ive been gone for a year or so and the last time I spoke to you was on a similar topic.

You were gonna go out and go wild. Well sorta wild.

Im offically available. (Im divorced) And Im a mix of Jerry and Kramer.

Take care kid

Randy

Thanks folks. I am feeling really down today. Stbx Darth calls and keeps asking for son to speak wtih him. My birthday is saturday and I am going to be alone. I am dreading my son going to visit Darth for the weekend.

Let me tell you the situation:

Get call from Darth the other night. Claiming I don't let son talk to him. Son is 4 and not really into the phone thing period. Plus when Darth called, he was (son) in the bathtub and it was seven thirty pm.

Yesterday he calls me and says as I am driving to work and to take son to school that "I should let son talk to him". Son was tired and did not want to. Then I said for him to maybe "just focus on doing the right thing financially for a change for his family". He goes bezerk and calls me a ...get this one..."f'ing fat piece of sh(t." I hang up and once again cry. I do not have any contact with him other than when it directly affects my son. Other than that, which is pretty much 99 percent of the time, I am doing a harsh plan B.

He calls tonight and again does the "wanna taljk to son thing". Then, get this...He says "he doesn't have money to pay us (and yea, Ms. Family Values LOVES HIM FOR THE WONDERFUL MAN HE IS AND NOTHING ELSE...she's another gold digging you know what) but in the mediation meeting wants out of the depths of great honor and love in his soul, wants to GET A FRIEND OF HIS TO HELP ME OWNER FINANCE A HOUSE. HIS FRIEND (WHOM i HAVE NEVER MET) HAS ALOT OF HOMES SUPPOSEDLY AND WANTS ME TO GET HELP FROM HIM. Darth goes on to say that "hey, my credit is hurting too". And that "
you say you want to own a home, a nice one don't you?" And then says that "I would like son to get on a soccer team for the summer and I am looking for one for him". And the last bit "you should embrace this as positive...there are alot of single moms at those soccer games." Geez. Maybe I will find him a date.

Being that in six more days I will be in court with Darth regarding his lack of alimony and child support for the last four months and also in court to compel him to produce financial papers, I was not in the best mood to hear his bull. He kept saying "don't say anything and hear me out". So I blasted him. I do not care,DO NOT CARE IF I LB ANYMORE WITH HIM BECAUSE HE IS HORRIBLE THE WAY HE IS NOW. So I told him that 1)son lives primarily with me and if there is any friggin' soccer playin' goin on it will be in and around our neighborhood now so son has some friends on a team 2)that I want to be free of him and could NOT EVER POSSIBLY TRUST ANY FRIEND OF HIS nor allow him, Darth, into my personal muchless financial business in the future. 3)that I want NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM IN THE FUTURE UNLESS HE WERE TO MAKE A TOTAL LIFE, MENTAL, PHYSICAL, AND SPIRITUAL CHANGE 4) Not to insult my intelligence by ever PRETENDING AGAIN TO CARE ABOUT MY FINANCIAL SITUATION EVER AGAIN AS HE IS THE ONE WHO FOR THREE YEARS HAS HURT THIS FAMILY AND MADE HORRIBLE CHOICES.

I blasted him on three messages. And when I got home found that he'd earlier sent me these stupid group email forwards...One was, get this...Forwarded from MS. FAMILY VALUES to Darth and was VIA MS. MONKEYHO. Oh what a web we weave when we practice to deceive. I had it. I blasted him via email. I sent responses to both of them requesting he NEVER INCLUDE ME ALONG WITH THE ADDRESSES OF HIS PRESENT AND FORMER MISTRESSES EVER AND IN THE FUTURE AGAIN THAT IT IS DISRESPECTFUL AND DISHONORABLE AND THAT I WANT NO MORE OF IT.

I have hit the roof. He is evil. My attorneys also think we have located some of the $$ and its hiding place. CLUE: IT IS NOT IN THE US. He is a consummate liar, cheat and absolutely someone I want to have nothing to do with.

And it was so funny. In maybe the two minutes I spoke with him, he sounded so sincere. So concerned that he had left his family in such dire straits. And his soliloqy about "embracing the future...yada yada yada and soccer moms" made me want to tell him to "you'll wish you could embrace this a- hole."

This time next week I will know if son and I are going to financially make it or not. He has treated us lower than crap. I fully believe that he thinks he can "fix" this poo that man has done to us just in time for the hearing and just in time to make himself "look good" before the judge locks him under the jail. I am not letting him off. And he thinks that he will not be able to pay us. Is he on glue? I am seriously wondering if he is insane. Does he think that he WON'T be found in contempt?

Truth of the matter is this. He has lost. He has lost me and son forever in the way it was. No more illusions of happily divorced ever after as good friends walking hand in hand with the mistress holding his other hand off into the sunset. Or his being soccer coach for son and having us sit together cheering our son on. Nope. Those dreams are crushed and shattered like our vows were so miserably. He lied, cheated, and abused me. It is time for him to see legally his choices and their consequences. He will have no further control of me. No control as a man, husband, or as a father either. He has to relinquish those rights when he signs the paper.

He really thinks I will allow his friend to help me find a home? He said this"he has lots of houses in and around such areas (ones I would like) and I will be happy to get him to help you". I don't want any part of Darth's help or his controlling behavior. LEt him control his mistresses, not me. Not his son. He is not at all happy that this is not going his way. No more little wifey around to believe him or his lies. No more Darth in the middle of my life or in my business to try to meddle in it anymore. I am done. Am through. And the time when I do have any and I mean any contact with Darth whatsoever, I cry. I cry for what could have been for my family. It hurts to ever consider he could have turned out this way.

I am letting him dance off into his own personal fog for as long as he wants to. And I am dancing off into my own fog of defiance as far as I can get from his little foggy storm cloud. This whole court thing is killing me. I want closure instead of any more pain. I want it done and over with. I hate him for all he has done. Hate this horrible thing he has become. A mere shell of the man I once fell in love with; the man I once thought I knew so well. All for what? Because he couldn't handle me being a mom? Not being able to see changes in my body or personal changes that happen when someone becomes a parent and decides that self must come second after the baby? I am still lovely and beautiful. I was just no longer the new toy. It hurts. Hurts like hell. And sometimes I cry still as I am doing now. I want him, this monster as he is today, out of my life forever. Wish the Catholic church could just send an exorcist my way to rid me of this demon in my life and maybe rid him of the demon inhabiting his brain, his soul.

My God...Do WS's really think that we are going to somehow go blank or have e pisodes of amnesia where we are never going to remember what happened to us and to our families? Do they think we will wake up one sunny day and say "the world is beautiful, the day is beautiful, and I am so happy for my x husband leaving and disintegrating my family just so he could be happy and feel good for the moment." I am sorry guys. I am all outta altruistic love for him. I do not want him to be happy in his stupidity. I want him to wake up and in about say, six months be absolutely miserable and sickened with guilt and self hatred for the horrible pains he inflicted on his family fully aware that he put his needs light years ahead of his family. That one day he wakes up utterly alone as I did once. That he cries one day when he sees me and my new (hopefully someday) husband and child happy. And looks around at his life and sees the woman he is with who is not at all worthy of any honor or respect and the trash his life is and how he is only a weekend father. It is a horrible shame. But I want that now.

I wish he could change but it is going to be only a job big enough for God. And I pray
God heals my heart and my son's heart and our shattered lives. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Sauron thanks for the song. Bangarra sorry the dates did not work but they did help you remember you are a cool chick. And glad our friend missing for a year is back.

I deserve to smile now. I am crying but am declaring that I deserve to smile for now on and am praying so hard that God heals us.

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />