You know that other thread called, "Rough Week--I could use a hug?" Well that could pretty much sum up my life this week.

This week, my bipolar BPD stbxH played every single one of his usual mindgames with me: "I love you and I want to work it out; I'm not willing to do anything differently though; I see no need to go to therapy--what for?; Oh, so now it's YOUR way or no way?; That's YOUR definition of a healthy relationship; I can stop having affairs and raging any time I want; f*** you AND the kids; I don't care; I tried over and over to reconcile with you and you'd never just shut up and let me move back home; I miss home; I miss the family; I miss you; I love you and I want to work it out..." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

When I stood firm in Plan B, and kept ignoring his phone calls and insisting on email only--he decided to have a temper tantrum and hurt me, so he's trying to get ALL the proceeds from the house (a bogus maneuver but it ties up court time anyway) and he's trying to take my puppy away claiming it's half his. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

We had a blizzard here on Tuesday and Wednesday, and the kids were on Spring Break, so we were all trapped in the house for two days. The kids are teenagers, so they were climbing the walls and listening to loud music--so I got a pretty decent case of cabin fever myself.

On Thursday we unburied ourselves from all the snow, but the toilets backed up--so did the shower. Turns out each toilet had its own clog and it took the plumber two days and a second mortgage to fix it. You try living once with one toilet and no shower, laundry or dishwasher for two days with two teenagers and snow up to your eyeballs! It wasn't pretty!

On Friday night, I had ENOUGH and went out for pizza and a beer with a group of friends (yes, btw, ONE beer). While I was gone, the toilets overflowed and my kids panicked and called their dad. I was gone from 6-9pm and he left me five nasty messages: "Where are you?" "I can't reach you" "You MUST call me--it's urgent" "Are you out on a date or what?" and "Too bad your date means more to you than your kids." oooooo...I wanted to punch him when I heard that last one because he ABANDONED the kids and I--hasn't paid one penny of child support or made sure his kids are provided for--and couldn't care less if I have a job or money to pay for the kids' things. I take care of EVERYTHING from bills to getting the kids to and from school...and I take 3 lousy little hours off and I'm accused of my date meaning more to me than my kids??!!!

Geez! It was an overflowing toilet! You throw down a couple towels and wait for mom to come home! How tough is that??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Yesterday a friend of mine has a big crush on someone but has been kind of ignoring me, so I heard all about how wonderful someone else is...and it made me cry because it's only been about 10 years since *I* was wonderful to someone. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Then today. Today he drops the bomb about the house: He claims he used inheritance money as down payment on the house--so when the house sells he should get his inheritance money back and split the remainder 50/50. I say he used proceeds from the sale of our previous house as down payment for the house. Either way, the house became marital property and when it is sold we should split it 50/50. However, now I'm thinking that I have been the caregiver of the kids for years while he had his affairs and used his money on OW. I should get 70-80% of the marital assets when it sells. HA! Then he also dropped the bomb about the puppy. Seriously, I think he's only doing this to hurt me. Anyway, four months ago he walked out and has not taken care of the puppy ONE IOTA. He has not bought the puppy food, walked him, washed him, brushed him, clipped his toenails--nothing. And the puppy has bonded with the kids and I and become our little buddy...heck he sleeps at night on the bed! (He's a maltese, so he's pretty small.) It's just ridiculous to come up now and say, "Oh I dumped the puppy for 4 months and didn't care if he was taken care of, but he's mine now." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Sigh. What a week.

Okay--group hug!!!

CJ

<small>[ March 23, 2003, 08:54 PM: Message edited by: FaithfulWife ]</small>

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((CJ/Faithful Wife))))))))))))))))))))))) May the Lord bless you, keep you safe, and heal your broken heart in this time of sorrow.
Peace to you,
Harold

((((((((((((((((((((((((CJ)))))))))))))))))))))))

The attorney should know about the money issues. There is only so much you are expected to know. Fight this man, if you have to. And, I bet you have lots of friends who would be willing to come and kick him in the shins with our work boots or pointy-toed shoes.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((CJ)))))))))))))))))))))))))

and

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((CJ)))))))))))))))))))

Blessings,

D.

PS CJ, I just realized that whenever WH used to travel a lot, that anytime he was away, a plunger would be required on something .... the sink the toilette. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Does that mean he dumped all his crap at home and left ??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

<small>[ March 23, 2003, 11:50 PM: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FaithfulWife:
<strong>

Okay--group hug!!!

CJ</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">{{{{{{{{{{{{CJ}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

BEWARE the yellow snow around CJs place! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Seriously CJ, it sounds like you are handling everything about as calmly as could be expected. Take care you wonderful person you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

HoFS

CJ,

Your right, it's not about the dog..it's about hurting you...

I know of someone else here who went through the same thing...their stbx h..fought about the dogs and cats..when they didn't want them to begin with..

reminds me of Solomon in the Bible and the baby..
should we cut it in half and share it??? come on..

{{{{{{{{{{CJ}}}}}}}}}}}

You did all right, kiddo! Tell you something, take your teens and show them the angle stop (the little hose and shut-off valve) at the back of the toilet. Next time a overflow happens, tell them to turn off the angle stop and that will stop water to the toilet and therefore STOP the overflow. Make them remember this mantra, LEFTY LOOSEY, RIGHTY TIGHTY. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Seriously, most valves all turn counterclockwise (left) to OPEN, turn clockwise (right) to CLOSE.

Your stbx is being, as usual, a jerk. He is doing everything to hurt you because he wants some sort of reaction from you. You deserved that night out more than anyone I know and don't you dare let him make you feel guilty for taking some well deserved time for yourself. As far as the puppy, whose name is on the registration papers? If it is just yours, no problem, show that as legal documentation of ownership. If you co-own with stbx, not sure what to do. I only have one dog that ex co-owns, but I am surprised he didn't stoop to that level of hurt.

Well, I need to get to work. I'll put my thinking cap on about the puppy. And BTW, it sounds like your water lines may have frozen and that is what caused the blockage. Not normal for everything to block up at once like that.

Lori <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Harold, Princess, WGTT, HoFS, ThornedRose, and Lori:

Thank you all so much for writing and participating in the group hug. It was AWESOME wasn't it? We should group hug every now and then just for FUN!!

Anyway, I'm doing much better. No contact is a wonderful thing--it Soooo helps me keep my head on straight. Well that and the snow is melting and the toilets are fixed! heehee.

So, Harold, what can I say? Thanks for the big old hug!! Back Atcha {{{{{{{{{{Harold}}}}}}}}}}

My lovely Princess--always the most beautiful at the party! {{{{{Cinderella}}}}} Yep, the attorneys and courts will figure out the money and I'm not actually worried about that. It's just that over the weekend, it was an emotional blow for no purpose other than to hurt me. If he gets stinky about it, he spent most of his inheritance on the OW, and I have the kids 90% of the time--so I don't think he's really going to be able to support getting "his inheritance" first. It's just a ploy to either tie up court time or hurt me. But it just SUCKS that I gave my youth, my life, and my self to a man who now basically wants to just use me for all I'm worth and dump me (and the kids and the pets). AARRGGHH! I would rather not fight, but I'll be d*mned if I will have worked all this time, this hard--and given so much to this marriage and this family--only to come out of it with nothing and no way to give my kids a home! That just isn't going to happen!

WGTT--you know what? I think we are soul-sisters or something. Don't you? I swear our H's are brothers! I suspect it is a funny metaphor AND reality that they dump their cr*p and then leave! Oh, here's an encouraging hug anyway: {{{{{WillGetThruThis}}}}}

HoFS, YELLOW SNOW?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Haha, you're a trip--or you're day tripping (or something)! Thanks for your big old warm hug! Look--the snow is melting already from the warmth. You get an extra big hug because of your special day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> {{{{{{{{{{HoFS}}}}}}}}}}

ThornedRose, you are right about cutting the baby in half. Funny thing is, I have a feeling he would agree to cutting the puppy in half--who cares if it died? He'd have his half! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Well, like I told Miss Cindy up above, I realized it was just an attempt to hurt me, and in through me for a loop emotionally--but once I settled down I came up with a reasonable alternative suggestion. Now we'll just see if he will choose to be reasonable or fight over a dog. Yes, BTW, I love the dog, but it's not the hill I will die on...the equity in the house, OTOH, IS the hill I will die on! {{{{{ThornedRose}}}}}

{{{{{Lori}}}}} Well, business before pleasure. The water lines were not frozen; what happened is that there was a large clog in the main line--this backed up all the smaller lines and clogged them. We ended up having to roto-route four lines, but that cleared it all out and we are running fine! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Next, I showed my kids that valve, and now they know to lay down a towel, turn the valve and just wait--if/when that ever happens again. Regarding the puppy, we bought him at a puppy store with our joint account and no one person is named as "owner"...thus, in some ways we do both own him. Honestly, I intend to say that I have grown attached to the puppy and he has grown attached to us...we took care of him and fed him while H didn't contribute...we would REALLY like to keep the puppy; however, if it's going to stop the forward progress of the divorce, I'd rather give on this one issue and I'll get my own puppy. If I'm willing to give it to him, I doubt if he'll want it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Thanks again, everyone!

CJ

Faith,

I am sorry that you have had such a rough week, that was me last week!!!! Much better this week (or to date anyways). It will get better for you too, I know!!!

It is nice to come here and let it out, read back over it and laugh!!! It's great to have people here care how it is I am doing and to support me when I need that friend (there are so many of them here) and hug.

Stay strong, you are doing an awesome job!!!!!
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

CJ..Sorry you feel poopy. I believe it about the plunger bit. When Darth first left, the hot water heater busted and had several overflows. Think massive dumping must have happened.

Notebook Dude; Hey bud! Find us a song and find me one for the new post today.

I know how you feel, I have a bipolar stbxH too. Tired of the mind games as well. Mine trys the angle of guilting me into comming back to him and that the source of his problems is his illness all the bad stuff thats happened to him (so see, he had no choice but to hurt me didnt he? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )

The dog is just to get at you. My stbx is the same way with the kids; acts pitiful about how much he misses the kids but when he does stop over 'to see them' he just sits there and trys to make me feel guilty, doesnt try to play with them or spend time with them at all.

One phrase that has got me through whenever I feel him starting to mess with my mind is 'his actions speak louder than his words!'