I am one confused individual. My H and I will have been M'd 7yrs this June. Got pregnant, fairytale wedding, told ourselves/each other/the rest of the world it would all be ok and we've given this M a really good shot. We don't hate each other, don't raise our voices to one another, don't even fight (silent treatment/avoidance. We've become adept at picking up barely perceptible body language), and get along. Make the best of our situation, laugh when we can, get through it when we can't. We have average communication skills, common sense and try to be considerate of one another...because that's what it takes to prolong a marriage, right? My H is a very (VERY) skilled/sensitive lover, very attractive, financially secure, devoted father (we have 2 kids (4 and 6)), and an overall decent person. He's not superkinky or anything, but a sexual free-spirit or hedonist would describe him (into 3-or-4somes, etc). I am very quiet, artistic, philosophical (the phrase 'still waters run deep' applies to me perfectly) and spiritual. I am NOT into non-monogomous relationships as they conflict with my religious beliefs (although I have tried it once to please him). He figures that because I choose to show restraint that I am anti-sex/repressed (not so). I have a high school diploma and a six+ year gap in my resume, no money or assets to speak of and I've never even rented my own apartment! (Went straight from living at home to being married). We can't lie to each other anymore; we are not in love with one another. Do I want to get back what we had? This forces the question: "What did we have in the first place to get back?" Neither of us felt a real 'connection' to one another, but we felt we could build one, for the kids' sakes. Is this enough reason to stay together? Is not being in love (or more correctly, not even really liking each other) reason enough to separate/divorce? If it wasn't for the kids, we'd have split YEARS ago. THEY'RE the ones who get the raw deal here. I'm overwhelmed and confused. Any comments?

Hi:<BR>I'm certainly no expert but they say you can't or shouldn't stay together just for the kids - kids aren't blind and they will feel the tension in the home even if there is no fighting. And yes, you are right, kids get the raw end of the deal - no question about it. <P>However, love is a choice - a choice that both of you have to WANT to try at. If both of you can't sit down and talk your problems through and give it a worthwhile try then I don't see how the two of you will make it. You sound as if you have thrown in the towel already - am I right - or are you convincing yourself there is no other way but out? <P>Think of those beautiful children that you created together - they deserve more don't they? Don't they deserve two parents that are willing to really, really try to make a go of it. I wish my spouse would have tried but "happiness" was waiting for him elsewhere and he is still searching.<P>Missy3