I have been really strong doing the love must be tough thing, Sunday night is when H is suppose to call kids between 7:30 and 8:00pm well no call, kids are crushed and inside I am dying saying oh my God he really doesn't love us. Well this morning I get up and there is a message on my cell phone in which I turned off last night as I always do and he called at 8:30 and wanted to talk to the kids. He was suppose to call on the house line. Anyway, he sounded all pitiful, he hasn't talked to me since Thurs nor have I called him which is a shock to him because that is not be at all. SOOOOOOO he tells me he is working on sending me some money to help me out???????Am I suppose to pat him on the back and say Thank you. He is the one that walked out on us and he sounds like that is a favor....UGH!!!!!!!

I'm not sure I have any great words of wisdom except keep telling yourself that you are strong over and over. We can be accountable to each other because I need to be strong too.

Blessings,

D

My prayers are with you! Look how powerfully strong you are and have taken stand to protect yourself and your children inspite of your broken heart. YOU ARE AMAZING! It isn't easy to take such a courageous step bold step into the right direction as unpleasant and uncomfortable as the journey is. YOU HAVE TREMENDOUS COURAGE UNDER FIRE! LOOK HOW FAR YOU HAVE COME IN SUCH A SHORT TIME!

You have have stood up for your respect/dignity/sanity and your children's! I applaud your efforts/strengths.

The "rejection" part hurts so much doesn't it.I still am feeling the knife churning in my own heart and feel the gaping empty large hole. We have been sadly placed in a situation where we have no other choice than to stand up, say no more, put up the boundries protect our families from further harm/destructivness.

Sad isn't it to experince that awful feeling that don't love us or thier own kids. That wound certainly stings deeple.

I am having a rough day myself but am encouraged by your personal strength.

I know others will come along and guide with excellent support/advice......

My heart goes out to you! Billions of warm hugs sent your way and to all your children!

Thank you so much for the support, my heart is really breaking today, the tears have just been streaming. I really need those hugs, and the encouragement. I know I am doing the right thing it just hurts far more than I ever imagined it because deep down I really never thought I would not be with him. I feel so betrayed and hurt and he hangs up the phone telling me he loves me but doesn't like me...how cruel is that, I just hung up as fast as I could..I feel like I can't take the pain anymore, but yet I make it another day. God is wonderful...you all are such a big help again thank you.

Be strong and whatever you do DO NOT READ MUCH INTO HIS WORDS. He is probably in an A. I haven't read too much and just want to let you know I am starting in on reading your situation.

As far as mine went, did plan A and B (still in B although d is imminent and just a few weeks to being final) and LMBT approach with plan B and in writing B letter. LmBt approach helps me spiritually, but th ere is a time to let go.

He is consumed by the sin of the A probably and a classic "cake eater" learn from us. We aren't here posting because it is fun, it is because we
've made it through and are wanting to help others who unfortunately must follow our lead. I do pray for a recovery for your marriage, but remember these words are CLASSIC AND HEARD EVERY DAY BY BS. I was also told that he Loved me yet did not Like me. That we weren't friends. That we should have never married. It is all a bunch bs and I don't mean betrayed spouse here ok? It is a way to throw us off of their guilt and their shame ok? But he is doing what feels good to him and makes him happy and forget about how it hurts his wife and his eight children as long as daddy is happy and getting (whomever) and whatever he wants.

Wish the one thing I could've done earlier was see that for the truth. We believe because we hurt so much that somewhere inside the WS soul, there is hurt also and that it is tearing them apart. Maybe. Maybe not. I first thought and bought dobson's view about it tearing them up inside. But that is before filing for D and walking out. I don't believe he is hurting too much. My stbxh Darth, used to think I was making things up when I told him our then two year old son would "wake up screaming" for his daddy. He sure did. And did it matter to Darth? Nope. When it did matter, Darth did to him (using WS mentality and alot of fog) what was the only right thing to do and that was to take the child on a fabulous week long trip to fog central (Disneyworld and also where Darth and I stayed on honeymoon and at same hotel). He was such a loving and caring guy that he thought it would be nice to SHARE THIS WARM AND HEARTFELT EXPERIENCE WITH HIS MISTRESS MS. MONKEYHO ALONG WITH HIS INNOCENT SON. Bull poo. They are eating cake and trying to do it well. A little vanilla cake here, a little chocolate cake there. That is the truth.

He filed. You need to go to plan B if you did not do a good plan A. However, it sounds as if you may get more from plan B from him and most of all FOR YOU. YOU NEED PEACE NOW. Freedom from this torture and pain. Your stbxh needs to wallow in his new life and see how he's abandoned his family. He may come back, may not. But SHOW ME THE JUDGE WHO DOESN'T PROTECT THE RIGHTS OF AN ABANDONED WIFE AND HER EIGHT CHILDREN AND I WILL SHOW YOU AN IRAQUI JUDGE..LOL...Your stbx will be buried legally under the court for his actions. Start by healing you and cutting off ties until he is willing to agree to all points. And you should possibly do as I did and counter file using the REAL grounds for divorce. I filed first, then never had him served and when stbx Darth threw HIS WIFE AND SON OUT OF THE FAMILY HOME TEN DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS, it became apparent to Darth with his foggy mentality that maybe he should re file first so he could beat me to the punch on the grounds. He filed under irreconcilable differences (which is also bull poo if you are a reasonable person and one willing to ever work on a marriage in the first place). What he did NOT FORSEE WAS MY within twelve hours COUNTER FILING WITH GROUNDS OF ADULTERY, CRUEL TREATMENT(ENCOMPASSES BOTH MENTAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE) AND IRREVOCABLE BREAKDOWN AND i ALSO THREATENED TO FILE GROUNDS OF ABANDONMENT ALSO.

Call his bluff now legally and don't let him see you crying again. Stand strong for your babies and cry to us only ok? Pray hard and know we will pray for you too. Some have reconciled here, some haven't. That part isn't up to us. Some of the WSs never get it and dance away forever into the fog of stupidity and selfishnesses and find themselves too far gone to ever find their way back to us. It's a shame, but they have to live with their consequences someday just as we live with ours now.

Do all you can do and no more. That is it. I believe it is time for extremely tough LMBT and a harsh plan B letter. Read up on Plan A and B and show us your plan b draft so we can help. He COUNTS ON YOUR TEARS, YOUR PITY, YOUR KINDNESS AND IS USING YOU. Remember that. If his little fun doesn't work out, he can return to his wife and kids right? But remember CAREFULLY THIS ONE THING...WITHOUT A REAL AND INNER CHANGE AND A DRAMATIC CHANGE AFTER MB COUNSELING OR MC FOR A PERIOD OF TIME AND NO CONTACT WITH LOVER THE PROBLEM IS TEMPORARILY BURIED. How do I know this? Mine claimed to have broken up with Monkeyho several times and it was all a ruse. Just for show or for some personal gain.

Focus on you and the kids. When and if (I know it's hard when you're a mom) you find the time, pamper yourself and do good things for yourself. Hey, remember he is living himself in a self gratification state where each moment is self indulgent so a little facial or pedicure now and then is well deserved I think. Work on YOU. Only thing you can change is YOU AND THE WAY YOU ARE REACTING TO THIS AWFUL SITUATION. And if the marriage does end in D, you like I will have peace knowing you did everything you could and that you are standing tall for your children. God is going to bless you and the kids. Don't ever stop believing that. We dont know the whole story he's written for us. But it will be good and a wonderful one if we are the ones FAITHFUL TO HIM. Ok? Forget the H now. Focus on You, the Kids, and God. And make some nice friends here. I have several nice friends here and we've been good support for each other ok?

You CAN ONLY BE IN CONTROL OF YOU AND WHAT YOU ARE DOING/REACTING TO THIS.

Many hugs and thank you ((((((((((((notpeachinga)))))))

I really am glad I have all of you for support because I am hanging on by a thread each and every day. My 15yr old son said to me today that I am mad because Dad can do whatever he wants and I have to do it all now. Well I have been doing it all I just never realized it until now. He was the cause of all the tension everyday and now that he is gone that has really disapated. I am very angry as he acts like what he did was not abandonment, what else would you call it??? I am going to try to get a moment to myself. Me and my friends from work, one is going through the same thing, we are going to dinner and a movie Friday night. I want to just laugh until I can't laugh anymore. I want to live life to the fullest every minute of everyday. I want my children to live life everyday knowing that they are my life and as long as I have them I don't need anyone else. God and my children is all I need. I will be strong, no more crying on the phone to him, HE DON"T CARE!! I am going to live, he may have had a hold on my past but not on our future.

THANKS AGAIN TO YOU ALL!!!!

Many hugs and thank you ((((((((((((notpeachinga)))))))

I really am glad I have all of you for support because I am hanging on by a thread each and every day. My 15yr old son said to me today that I am mad because Dad can do whatever he wants and I have to do it all now. Well I have been doing it all I just never realized it until now. He was the cause of all the tension everyday and now that he is gone that has really disapated. I am very angry as he acts like what he did was not abandonment, what else would you call it??? I am going to try to get a moment to myself. Me and my friends from work, one is going through the same thing, we are going to dinner and a movie Friday night. I want to just laugh until I can't laugh anymore. I want to live life to the fullest every minute of everyday. I want my children to live life everyday knowing that they are my life and as long as I have them I don't need anyone else. God and my children is all I need. I will be strong, no more crying on the phone to him, HE DON"T CARE!! I am going to live, he may have had a hold on my past but not on our future.

THANKS AGAIN TO YOU ALL!!!!

momma,

Take responsiblity for your own actions and only yours, those are what you have control over. WH and his actions are his responciblity. I have
learned that natural consequences have a great deal of effect.

When WH is to call on a certain night at and a certain time and he doesn't, then calls at another time, just politely say "that the children are busy and they were expecting your call at such and such a time, did you want to set up a time to call back so that the kids will be available." He is going to be pissed but, hey he is the one that didn't call when he said he would that is a natural consequence. It also shows that you and the kids are moving on, he probably won't like that either, but hey he is the one that choose to leave, which allowed for your moving on!!!Natural consequence! See how it works?

Also babble back at him, this is another one that is effective. But go in search of a thread from orchid on babble talk, she is awesome at it and sets alot of good examples.

These are things I am telling you to help you gain strength, you have come so far already!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />