Hello all!

Well, the past year I have been dating, and recently met someone new.

It's the first guy I have been out with where I think there could possibly be a serious relationship...possibly....maybe not...I just know there's an attraction and we seem to have so many things in common.

He and I talked for about a month before he asked me out, then we went out two weeks ago.

He asked me out on Wednesday for Sunday because I was busy Friday night and he was busy Saturday night with his children, so Sunday was good for both of us.

He was going into a business meeting and said, "I will call you with the details later."

He ended up calling me Sunday morning. I almost changed my mind and told him, "I thought you changed your mind, so I made other plans." Then I decided not to, because he seemed like he didn't even know there was a problem with calling the morning of. Which, to a man, maybe there isn't, to a woman, it's awful; I like planning what I am going to wear and that would depend on what we were going to do, I like knowing a time because I didn't know whether after church I would have time to go swimming or not...It's just much better for me to know, even just a day ahead would have been nice.

I really thought it is too early in the relationship to go over these things when we don't even know if there's a true romantic relationship yet...

So, okay, the date was very good, we seem to both hit it off. I have friends teasing me because he gave me some choices in what to do and I picked the zoo. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It was such a perfect outdoor date. The animals were all out, and a few little newborn baby monkeys made it so special. Triplets were born that morning to a set of monkeys...anyway...

I know he enjoyed it as much as I did. We ended up closing down the zoo. Then we went and ate afterward.

He kissed me at the end, a small kiss on the lips. That was perfect to me, not overdoing it, yet for a day like we had, with great conversation, it was a nice touch to end it.

He wrote me a very nice email later saying he had a wonderful time and hoped I did.

I called him after the email and talked to him, then he's called me several times since...

I told him I can only date every other weekend when I don't have the children. I don't want to introduce anyone to the kids so early in a relationship. He said he was going out of town last weekend, so that was perfect timing, because this coming weekend I am free to go out...

Here's my problem, again...it's Tuesday...he called me tonight...he didn't asked me out for the weekend...

Will he wait til the last minute and call on say Friday or Saturday?

Will he ask me out at all?

What's the norm for asking a woman out? How many days before? I don't know how the dating world even works any more.

For me, I want to be asked out early in the week. I want to be important enough where I know he's not thinking, "I'll ask her if I have no other plans, I won't ask her if something better comes my way..."

Yet, I know he has custody of three children, and I know even though they are 17, 15 and 12; it is still harder to plan things, especially since he doesn't have the luxury as I do to have his ex take them every other weekend, she just doesn't do that.

I think he could at least say, "I want to see you this weekend, it's hard making plans but I am going to try." Something! Anything!

I know also we've only had one date, we have both expressed a desire to take it very, very slow. I do want to take it slow, but at the same time, I want to know when I'll see him again with a little advance notice.

Sooooo...Help! Give me some advice here. Please.

ANNA2K

<small>[ March 25, 2003, 07:37 PM: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</small>

Wow Anna dating haven't done that in 2o some odd years!!!!

I would say that you shouldn't accept anything that you are not comfortable with (time wise)!!! If it were me and he called Friday and asked you out for Saturday, I'd say "sorry, I've made plans already, wish you'd asked me Tuesday when we talked" That would let him know that you are not sitting there on your weekend without kids waiting for him to ask you out. And hopefully get the hint that he needs to get your time by asking for it earlier!!!

But hey I am not the one dating so am not sure that this would be approperiate.Wanted you to have some input though!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Anna Anna Anna,

Hmmmmpfh...

It depends upon the man...some men call a week in advance to make plans...some don't..

Remember if it BOTHERS YOU...Talk to him about it

and if your going to take it slowly...then you don't "need" to go out every other weekend--yes, it would be nice..but it's not a must..

And I would have to agree with Dawn, if it is really a big deal to you..then make other plans
and don't wait for him to ask you out..

you could make plans that he could be included in if he wants to...like you could make plans to meet friends some place..and then when/if he calls later in the week to ask you out..you can say you have plans..but he's welcome to join you

Or it could even be to stay home and order pizza and rent some movies..again something you could invite him over to do...

As Dawn said, it shows your not waiting by the phone for him to call and ask you out...and if spending time with you...is important and he wants to go do something else with you..then he'll learn to call you in advance to ask--

You can also make other plans with friends and don't include him..just say, "I'm sorry, you hadn't mentioned anything before, so I made other plans, would you like to do something during the day tomorrow or after church on Sunday?"

Then you have a bit of time to plan something..
and again...he'll learn to ask in advance <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

The crux of the issue:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I want to be important enough where I know he's not thinking, "I'll ask her if I have no other plans, I won't ask her if something better comes my way..." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">the projection of your feelings onto him to expect him to act a certain way. Not good, bad habit to get into, very bad, disrespectful. Its not a gender specific trait, its more of a personality trait, not related to gender. Some people are spontaneous, others are less so. You and he have different concepts of spontaneity, no big deal.

This spontaneity difference will build resentment if you do not communicate your differences. Next time you go out, pick a time and mention, in a positive light, that you generally have your weekend activities planned by mid week, and that you aren't as spontaneous as you appeared that last weekend and have difficulty responding to short preparation notices. Now, this difference could be a relationship killer to him, it would be to me. But its better to figure out this piece of the interpersonal puzzle earlier than later. . .

Fortunately, my GF is extremely spontaneous, as am i, so that is not a problem.

wiftty

<small>[ March 25, 2003, 08:57 PM: Message edited by: WhenIfindthetime ]</small>

Dawn,

Are you ready to date yet? Let us know when it happens!

Thanks for the advice. I had thought about telling him, "I would have loved to but I planned something since you didn't ask me." but then I thought, isn't that kind of like punishing a child and teaching him a lesson, he's not a child he's an adult. And, why should he even get a lesson taught when to him it's okay to ask at the last minute...

TR, TR, TR, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> hehe

Thanks for the advice and thanks for talking to me on the phone during my last dating crisis. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

It is important to communicate to him. It's hard to know how much to communicate without making him think I'm assuming to much about a relationship that isn't there yet..

Wift,

Well, I disagree about that being a "disrespectful judgement" and I respectfully think you are overreacting to that comment.

I like feeling special enough, especially in the beginning of a relationship for him to ask me out in advance....especially the first few times. If that's disrespectful...then call me Ms. Disrespect. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Also, I did leave out something that didn't seem important but as I read your post, I realize I probably should have stated this.

On Friday at around 5:10 p.m., I called him, I didn't realize until Sunday morning my mistake, but I had called his work by mistake instead of his cel. I left a message that teasingly said, "Hey there! Soooo you ask a lady out but then don't call her to let her know when or where or anything. I would love to know in advance, call me."....Didn't click until Sunday that I left the message at the wrong place and he didn't get the message until after our date...So, I did convey to him how I felt about it.

As for being spontaneous, I just recently dated a guy and there were lots of times we were spontaneous about our meeting but there were those weekend dates he let me know in advance as well, I like the balance there.

For me spontaneity is perfect when you are in a relationship that isn't so new or in a marriage...it's much easier and there's not all that newness, you know the person more... When I was married, I would say to my now ex..."Let's go here or let's go there...let's go to the beach, let's go swimming...walking...whatever...and hoped we would take off right at that moment..." My ex on the other hand hated spontaneity, and would always say...but, but there's no advance notice, I can't...then again....I'd say on Monday I could say, "Lets do something this weekend." He'd say..."I can't make plans in advance..." He just didn't want to do anything, bottom line.

I'm glad you and your girlfriend have so much in common...and I sure am glad she's your girlfriend and not me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> hehe.

Take care,

ANNA

Anna - if this bothers you, I would state your feelings. Say, I would like to have some notice. But also, I like surprises.

Having your kids every other weekend, I see by what you wrote, you opened the door for him. But I sort of felt you were stating that you are waiting for him. To make things look more natural. I would set something up on one of the weekends that he and you could do something. And say, sorry I already made plans. Like going to a concert. Or something like that.

Just letting him know you are not sitting around and wiating for him to call.

Be honest, and get things out in the open before you get romantically involved, and heartbroken later. Be honest up front.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I like feeling special enough, especially in the beginning of a relationship for him to ask me out in advance....especially the first few times.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">how is he to know that? I think you should put a disclaimer statement on your answering machine, to be sure that tells first time, interested guys trying to be friendly, that you require 5 days notice for all first, second and third dates, so they know ahead of time your level of spontaneity.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, I disagree about that being a "disrespectful judgement" and I respectfully think you are overreacting to that comment. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">the disrespectful part is that you are putting your interpretation upon his actions, by assuming that if he behaves in a certain way, you assume that he does or doesn't have a certain motive or opinion or feeling towards you.

it could be he is just different than you in that respect, it could be alot of stuff and chances are, its not what you are asssuming or projecting.

So, you like spontaneity sometimes, but when its convenient for you? how does someone else know when you will be and when you won't be without asking a spontaneous question? and if he misses it wrong, because only you know when, don't be assuming his reasons because of your fickleness.

will save you alot of miscommunications and hurt feelings to just be direct and not assume to interpret other people's actions without first finding out who they are.

wiftty

<small>[ March 25, 2003, 10:18 PM: Message edited by: WhenIfindthetime ]</small>

Anna, I've been dating one guy for almost 7 months now. Even though I've been separated for 2 years and 4 months and haven't seen or spoken to my STBXH in almost a year, I'm still not divorced. Many here would not approve. But, I think I can at least relate to what you're going through.

After a long term relationship followed by betrayal I'm extremely reluctant to make any kind of commitment. I want him to make the first move. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately under the circumstances) my BF also had his heart broken in his last relationship.

You don't need advice,you're just going through the normal anxiety of having your feelings stirred up by someone new. Take one day at a time. There is no way to know how this will all turn out. Remember, think back to what we've just been through, there are no guarantees.

Just have fun.

Anna,

I'm not dating and I don't play a date on TV, but am I missing something here?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Why don't you just talk to him and tell him the truth? Seriously, why don't you just say, "Hey, just so you know, I don't mind the occasional spontaneous get-together, but what with kids and visitation I prefer to plan my weekends ahead a little bit. Would you mind if you planned our weekend dates by Friday night? How do you feel about that?"...then let him tell you how he feels about that.

Also, girlfriend it is the 21st century!! Why are you waiting around for HIM to call you for a date?? CALL HIM. You ask him out, let him pick "what to do", and you pick the steak restaurant for afterward! If you want to go out with him, take the bull by the horns and call...and don't give me the "it's not me" speech or the "oh I could never" speech either. That's just nerves talking.

Finally and in conclusion, I suspect the day is going to come where he didn't call, you had to make plans for a Saturday or Sunday, and then he'll call and ask you out. Guess what? It's no big sweat. Just tell him that you had to make XYZ plans because your friend invited you to dinner this weekend, but if he wants to "hang out" with you he could come over in the afternoon...or if he wants to bring over a movie and some soda, you'd be willing to spend some time the next day...or whatever.

I guess this is just my opinion--and I get it that the guy is a really neat guy--but why are you acting like stopping the rest of your life based on whether he calls or not?? Hey--keep living the happy life you finally found there chick, and let him join in! You join in his life a little! Just carry on being yourself--and if part of being who you are is wanting to plan weekends by Friday night, just tell him that and stop worrying.

That's my $.04 cents worth (because it was long). Heehee <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

CJ

P.S. I'm happy to see you've found someone nice!

Sorry I took so long to respond. I read all your responses but I wanted to get every thing straight in my mind.

Thanks to all for the advice, it helped me with coming to some conclusions.

LetSTry,

You said so much that I needed to hear. Thanks. You are so right when you said, "you're just going through the normal anxiety of having your feelings stirred up by someone new." That's very very true.

BTW, he hasn't called since Tuesday night. I know he's busy; he's got three nights of racket ball, weekend tag football, and three kids he almost fully raises on his own...However, here's a little of what I've been thinking...

There's a difference in spontaneity and inconsideration.

Sponaneity to me is positive when for an example, it's a beautiful day out...your kids are both at friends houses for the first time in a long time, and you think "Wow, I have a free day I didn't know I would have, it's beautiful out and I would love to take off to the beach I wonder if so and so would like to come..."you call,Wow, he's free as well...and the next thing you know the two of you are at the beach...

or second example...

You and your date are going to the movies, one of you say, it's beautiful out, I would really rather go to the park and a picnic instead....and you both decide not to do the movies but the park...

okay...inconsideration...real example here...

a couple of weeks ago when the guy I went out with asked me out and said he would call in advance with time and location...then calls the morning of...and it just occurred to me today...that's just inconsiderate not to take 5 minutes before the day and call...

Another example..and I really don't know if this is what is going on or not...it's just of what is not spontaneous....

A guy knows he wants to start a relationship with you, but he thinks "I'm not a planner guy, I'm a spontaneous guy, so therefore I won't tell her I want her to go out with me until the morning of, then I'll say, "Hey let's go out tonight." That's so not spontaneous! that is just rude and inconsiderate.

Okay and here's also what I know...

I know I don't want to see a guy less than every two weeks, at least for the norm...I know there are circumstances where it can't always be that way...Since I only date one guy and take one relationship at a time, but for the most part I want to see the guy more than 1 time a month.

I also know in the beginning of a relationship, I prefer the guy to ask out, not me, and hehe CJ, yep, that's just me, and yes I hate it when people say, "That's just how I am." but I am saying it here.

However, just so there's no misunderstandings of whether I want to go out with him or not...I made it obvious that I want to see him again. He knows that...I told him I really am excited about meeting him again...To me the ball is in his court and he isn't making a move, also, he's calling, but not asking me out...two weeks since our 1st date...if and when he calls again, I plan to ask him why he hasn't asked me out as well as talk talk to him about what I want in a relationship, ask him what he wants, and see if we can come to a compromise and a mutual agreement...

If he doesn't call...I'm fine with that now as well...

Well, it took me a while to think this all through..but now thanks to you guys, I am very comfortable with talking to him about my feelings.

THANKS!

ANNA

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">if and when he calls again, I plan to ask him why he hasn't asked me out as well as talk talk to him about what I want in a relationship, ask him what he wants, and see if we can come to a compromise and a mutual agreement... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">sounds like a MB ambush after the first date. . . geez, i suspect that going from a nice date and some phone conversation to why haven't you done what i need, and what do you want in a relationship anyway, just jumped from step 1 to 7 in one conversation. . . .

don't be surprised if he is taken aback. . .

Anna, you have your dating life structured to follow your script. life and relationships don't always follow a predefined script, unless you are a controller. . . take it easy. . .

wiftty

wiftty

Wow, and I thought *I* was fast. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Slowwwwwww down on that relationship talk. It's only been ONE date!

Okay, I'm running away before you thwack me in the head. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Lucks:
<strong>Wow, and I thought *I* was fast. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Slowwwwwww down on that relationship talk. It's only been ONE date!

Okay, I'm running away before you thwack me in the head. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thwacking Laura on her head! hehe... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Okay, let me elaborate...we seem to be able to talk about anything when we talk, we have hit on so many subjects, even religion; both of us expressing what we want in a partner in many ways...the one thing never expressed is what we both need and want during an early dating relationship. I think since we have touched on so many other things, it would be fine, depending on how I approached it with him, to also ask him to communicate with me a little more on what he expects since we are still talking after our date, and since we are still even talking about actually seeing each other again...

If you guys read above, almost everyone on the post said, "Talk to him, communicate with him..." Well, they are right, the guy can't read my mind...

I don't know what he will say in the course of conversation, but if he says in the course of the conversation, "My life is full and I only have time to go out, say once a month, or not even that..." Then to me, that pretty much sums up this guy may be nice, and maybe if his life becomes a little less full we could date, but the guy wouldn't be for me. I don't want any early relationship to be that spuratic on dating and as long as I go along, then he'll never know....and the bottom line is and like I said before, we both know where each other is coming from on many topics but dating...

Wiffty,

re the control line...There's a huge difference in setting a persons own boundaries and being a controlling person.

I can't ever remember having a predefined script, I know what type I want to date and what type I don't, I have had many dates before my marriage and a few after my marriage...I will compromise on what the man needs as well, but not to the point of compromising my own better judgements and not to the point of feeling uncomfortable about my decisions...

I think the best thing is, I am happy with who I am, with or without this guy...so that makes it very easy for me not to compromise my own better judgements, to risk communication early on, not in a demanding way but in a way of solving any type of concerns I may have, and to also make decisions in my best interest. I know who I am, and I like me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

ANNA

Anna,

you are confusing dating with DATING!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">we seem to be able to talk about anything when we talk, we have hit on so many subjects, even religion; both of us expressing what we want in a partner in many ways...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This quote is an EXCELLENT description of dating for adults. Wehave busy lives, but have a desire to learn about the other person. Personally, that is how my GF and i got started, it was after one date, and then we talked quite abit because he both had busy lives. She was within a day's drive, but she was just out of convenient distance to being around all the time, so we discussed over the phone instead of in person. The nice part about the conversational dating first is that it lays the ground work for understanding the person first before making more time commitments.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"Talk to him, communicate with him..." Well, they are right, the guy can't read my mind... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Correct, but there is a difference between asking him what he expects out of a dating relationship, (too easy for him to step on a land mine, which he might think you are laying) and letting him know that you prefer to have your weekend plans semi planned by Tuesday. . . and you don't handle spontaneous pickups very well

Now, my suggestion is that you asking him what does he think about spontaneous plan making? or how how spontaneous are you? Or bring up a conversation starter about what you didn't like in those overly spontaneous guys you mentioned, and guage his reaction. . .

That way, you continue your conversation and, letting him know directly, by saying I prefer that way, and then give him a chance to decide if he is willing to put forth the effort. You may be just making decisions on assumptions way too early without allowing someone to respond or make a minor adjustment. have an open mind, and be honest about your preferences and abilities.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">but if he says in the course of the conversation, "My life is full and I only have time to go out, say once a month, or not even that..." Then to me, that pretty much sums up this guy may be nice, and maybe if his life becomes a little less full we could date, but the guy wouldn't be for me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">for how long will his life be like this?
Is his life like this because he hasn't met someone like you yet and is just keeping busy?
Is he finishing commitments?
Does he negotiate well around these?

my description of controlling was probably not the best use of words, i agree, but predefining exactly what you want is more descriptive. and then trying to find the right person to fit inside that description appears to be the method you are using. That is fine, however, maybe you are not conveying enough for us to get a sense of you conversational eloquence in bringing up the subject. . . or you are structuring the box so small that you are going through the dating motions, but protecting yourself from serious involvement with a predefinition that changes slightly, person to person, to keep you safe,
or hard to satisfy.

so good luck,
hope you find out the information that you need,
and i hope you leave the door open
enough to find out what he is capable of.

wiftty

Anna -
Hey I just wanted to pop in and let you know my situation ... I have been dating this guy - I have actually known him for about 15 years but he is also getting a divorce - and it is funny - he says he will call but then he just simply forgets - he tells me you know I am not used to this - and you know what he isn't - then I start to panic and think oh god he is gonna blow me off - and he isn't gonna come over or we aren't going to see each other but the simple fact is - he isn't used to dating --- He is a good guy and for me right now he is easy - he is someone to talk to and hang with - Somedays I start to feel down thinking gee I wish he would call more - or I wish he would pay some more attention to me - But again I am not really looking for a relationship... So I have basically just told him - you know what don't tell me when you are gonna call me - so I won't be waiting for that call - I kind of have in my mind that we are gonna see each other one night during the weekend.. So I sort of work my plans around him - but if something else comes up then he is out of luck... But when I want to see him more - I believe I will simply tell him you know what I would like to see you some more... I think you should be honest - but don't let your mind take you away like mine does - thinking oh I am not good enough - or oh no he is never gonna call.... We all need to start feeling more secure... Be honest with him and yourself... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Wifty,

I think sometimes not being able to see each other in person all the time is good, because it allows us to write and to talk on the phone more and really get to know each others needs in relationships, it sets the tone...

I do appreciate your help as well, and there's some good points in your post...but then there are some that are still so far off from who I am, it makes it very hard to take your post seriously.

The parts of your post about asking him questions on spontaneity makes me think...."Did he read my post at all? Is he listening to what I am saying at all?" At this point, there is no discussion I need to have with him about spontaneity. When you say, "Talk to him about not liking those guys that are overly spontaneous", they are not overly spontaneous, they are rude and discourteous, there is a big difference in the two. It has nothing to do with spontaneity, I don't know how many more ways I can say that.

I guess as an example of what I don't like and what I do like is this...

My ex freaked if the smallest thing changed in plans, such as if I say, "The plans for going out to dinner have changed to 6:30 in leiu of 6:00..." He'd freak, he couldn't handle it...or if I say, "I didn't know OS had a school open house, he forgot to tell me and it's tonight.." Again, he'd freak, even if we had nothing going on and it didn't matter...

I dated a guy resently that was just the opposite, so incredibly spontaneous and I found it very, very refreshing. We would take off in his truck and plan to go one place and end up going several different places. At the same time, he was very courteous as well, he would let me know early on that he wanted to see me on certain weekends, and yep, sometimes something would happen where we would get together on weekends at the last minute.

As far as my conversational eloquence there are times I insert my foot in my mouth by saying the wrong thing, there are times I talk way, way too much, which is mainly and especially when I am nervous or excited, but, I have been told that I have a way with talking to men, a way with expressing myself in a positive way, and a way with getting men to talk back, that was told to me by several men, so I suppose I believe it.

From every indication he has given me, I have no big problems with conversing with him either...I don't know if this will help or not but here's an excerpt from the guys email to me after the zoo date...

"Hope you had a good time Sunday.
I had a good time just talking with you."

As far as protecting myself from a serious relationship, predefinitions that changes slightly, or being hard to please, I think all of those are inaccurate. I want a serious relationship, a year ago I protected myself from it, but now, I want it, but the key is, "With the right person." As for being hard to please, I'm soooo easy to please, and I've been told I communicate above normal on the things I need, which are very simple things.

Although, I do have to be careful because I don't want to be in too big of a hurry to wipe a guy off the list because once I made my mind up that it's time for a serious relationshp, I know me... I tend to not want to waste my time with the wrong one so I may wipe a guy off this list before giving it a good chance...and I have thought about, and hopefully will since I am aware I may do this...I will be more cautious.

The questions you asked regarindg is his life like this because he hasn't met someone yet and is just keeping busy? and all the other questions that followed, are very good questions, most I have already thought of, and I know I probably won't get an answer unless a relationship blooms.

After rereading this post, I don't particulary like this post, I feel like I am going on and on about "me", but I am trying to give you some idea of what I am about and not about. Although, I can write a book here about my personality and bore the heck out of you and everyone else, and it still doesn't really show anyone what they are about because it's seeing me from my side and that is so one-sided, and not ever getting to know me in person...so I will spare you guys and stop.

c'ya,

ANNA

Oh and an update....He hasn't called since Tuesday, it may be he got a virus or one of his kids or sick...it may be he decided I wasn't a person he wants to get to know after all...who knows...I have decided not to worry about it this weekend. I do have my weekend pretty full now, I was out tonight, I have lap swimming tomorrow, baseball game tomorrow afternoon, and cleaning house tomorrow night...I have church Sunday morning and lap swimming in the afternoon...that pretty much will round out my weekend.

Maw,

It's very cool you are dating someone you like and he is treating you well. You need to realize though, and always realize this, you are just as good as him. There is no one in this world that is better than another person.

He's asking you out and seeing you, he must think you are very special.

The only thing that crossed my mind that probably shouldn't have, is there are 20 year old gold diggers out there who would love a chance at him, then I think, if that is what he wants, he can go get 'em. Although, I don't think that is what he is looking for at all, and if I did, I have not respect for men like that so I wouldn't date him even once.

c'ya'll,

ANNA

ANNA:
Sorry I didn't get to reply in time.
When I read your post, I immediately knew what you meant- as it turns out, you were right, anyway.
There's nothing wrong with having a list of "bull****-detector" requirements for whomever you choose to let into your personal space. You should not be afraid to test anything which seems odd or unnatural to you.
On the other hand, as others have said, there's also nothing wrong about making the 1st, or 2nd move! Guys DO enjoy that, speaking for myself. At this stage of our lives, it's good to have reciprocal interest demonstrated loud & clear.

Guys have as many insecurities as gals, you know.

0.02$
muzohead

Muzohead,

Thanks!

Here's an update...

He emailed me and said he was met someone in his town and he wants to give the relationship a shot because it takes distance out of the equation.

We were two hours from each other. I do understand what he means, it does make it harder. I guess my life is so busy during the week, I didn't mind.

I haven't responded back to him, yet, I plan to, but not now, I will do it in a few days. It will be a "I'm happy if you are happy, and I will always consider you a friend. type email back..."

Odd that he called me 4 times Monday night when he couldn't get a hold of me, but perhaps he wanted to tell me that night...

Anyway, I am putting my faith in God that his hand is in this and either he is not the man for me, or maybe not the man for me just at this moment.

I am okay with it, of course sad a little, because the way he looked at me told me had an attraction, as well as did I, not just physically either.

This reminds me of something JFK Jr supposedly said when he met his wife Katheryn, "I now know why all the other relationships didn't work out." I know some day perhaps that will be my words.

Well, life goes on, and I have a ball game to attend.

C'ya'll,

ANNA

Well, just had to say, the day even got better... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

My ex decides to take his girlfriend, her kids as well as my kids (he has them this weekend), to my son's ball game. I don't want him back, but this was not a good night for them to all show up...and I am very blessed he is with her and not me, but I still feel this little twinge of, "Why do the ones that destroy the marriages almost always end up dating first?" Then again, perhaps they are the ones that divorce quickest as well, because they jump into a relationship head first without thinking.

Well, I am trying hard to stay off my pity potty tonight, but struggling back and forth...

BTW, I wrote a draft email and will send it in a few days, just in case I decide to change the wording, here's what I wrote, tell me what ya'll think.

Hi *****,

Well, if I said I wasn't disappointed I would be lying. I am a little of course. You are the nicest guy I have had the opportunity, even though it was just once, to go out with since my divorce. I know the woman you are dating is very lucky and you deserve to have good things happen to you.

Thanks for writing me, being honest, and letting me know as soon as possible as well. It shows a lot about your character and just proves my instincts that you really are a nice guy.

Of course we can remain friends. I am glad I got to know you, even for only the little bit I did and would always enjoy hearing from you as a friend.

Wishing you the best.

Your friend always,

ANNA

Okay...there it is. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

ANNA