He is using his Attorney to fight our battles. Like this morning, he told me that my father had to get a baby gate for his pool if Jared was to live with me there temporarily. If I didn't tell my father to do this IMMEDIATELY he would have his Attorney write another letter. He has been having his Attorney write letters to me for the last two weeks. The last letter said that I had to be out of the house by April 5th.

Why is he using his Attorney to do his dirty work?

Cause he is a BIG BABY himself, and he is acting like ONE.

He is going to use whatever he can TO GET YOU! I know, been there, and I am done with it.

Just agree to everything. Say, okay I will have the baby gate up by such a time. If you want to come over and see if it is installed properly, you are welcome to.

Just do it, don't fight, just do it, and the attorney will see that this guy is a jerk.

Sorry he is acting so childish, and boyish. But one day he will grow up and see that he lost a beautiful wife and mother of his child.

No....! This is awesome.

Do you want to get back at him? Well?

Everytime, his lawyer writes a letter your x gets billed. Provoke your x, play with him. When you get a letter, CALL your husband (don't leave a paper trail just yet) and tell him that you'll take care of it immediately, but that it'll take a few days to find a gate with a color scheme that matches the yard decor.

The only way your x can enforce such ridiculous requests is to take you to court... in court, the worse thing that can happen is they order you to put a gate in. Meanwhile, your x has racked up 1000s of bucks in legal fees and you haven't a single dime.

He'll be irrate after a few days, so follow up with a letter to him. Leave a paper trail at this point and document your agreement to comply. You could also tell him to go screw himself... or that if it's that important to buy a gate for himself... or give you money to move into your own place.

You've got to see the beauty of this from his lawyer's perspective. An ethical dv lawyer would refuse to write such letters at all. This one is in it for the money. Have fun with it.

He's doing it because he 'lacks communication skills' like my H. It's probably one of the reasons the M fell apart.

Lyxa is right, he's just wasting his money. Prove to your atty and the courts that you can and do communicate with him. But waste his money while you are at it.

He wants to play games and mess with you. It's a power trip and he does it because he can. It only goes to show yet another layer of immaturity.

My ex tried similiar nonsense. I started writing letter back to his lawyer. Each letter I wrote caused the lawyer to charge him for his time. I would start getting a little technical, but polite and passive at the same time. If I were to receive such letters and requests, I would write something back along these lines.

Dear Jerk's Lawyer,

As per your last letter stating that I had to vacate the premisis no later than April 5th, I have made arrangements to comply with your demands. I am doing this despite the lack of 30 days notice which is typically required for any evictions because I do not want to be the source of any difficulty even though this puts me in an extremely difficult position of securing a place to live for myself and my child.

Despite being placed in such a difficult position, I have managed to secure temporary living arrangements until such time that I can properly establish my own residence. Unfortunately for me, your client is placing additional demands upon my temporary living arrangements and is attempting to micromanage that residence and my life with his demands and threats of legal action if I fail to meet his demands.

In order to meet his demands, I have few options. I can not meet the April 5th deadline which you set for me in AND meet his additional demands upon my temporary living arrangements even though I would like nothing more than to place some distance between myself and your client. I am requesting that you either extend the move out deadline by 60 days so that I can establish my own residence without the need of a temporary living arrangement, have your client pay to install a baby gate on the pool at my father's residence since it is for the direct safety of our son and is a direct result of his hasty demands that I need temporary residence there, or that your client pay to set me up in my own residence so that I will not need a temporary residence.

While I wish to comply with your client's increasing number of demands, I will need your client to work with me in order to meet his unilateral demands. As time is of the essence given the quickly approaching April 5th deadline that you gave me, your timely written response would be much appreciated. I do hope that you and your client will be willing to be flexible and work with me on this so that I can meet your demands.

Thoughtfully,
XX

I've had many lawyers drop my ex and now he can't find one that is worth a darn that is willing to take him on as a client. The more agreeable and passive and levelheaded that you come across, the more obnoxious and demanding he will appear. That doesn't mean that you have to let him bully you into doing whatever he wants.

I don't know your story, but I can tell you i've been where you are. The level of maturity with men like this stinks, and the goal is obviously to hurt you any way he can. Of course, he thinks his demand are resonable, but he is not thinking rationally...only thinking with his anger.

I wouldn't recommend the revenge approach, but that is just me. I think I would be as friendly as possible and try and comply with the demand for the gate...then he'll have to move onto something else to gripe about and his lawyer will eventually get tired of it, unless the idiot just likes racking up his legal bills.

Remember, the motivation is to hurt you because he is angry about something.

B2L,
Sorry to Hijack

Lorac - you can write my letters anytime. I like them

Back to you B2L - Sorry to hear that he has not changed. He will always try to do this to you, find another way to handle him. He wants to control you always. I like the idea of replying to his lawywer. Might as well let him get billed twice. (or in his case, mommy will be billed twice)

I copied H's lawyer on a letter when H wouldn't respond to calls or letters to discuss school issues. My lawyer said I shouldn't, but that was the quickest response I ever got. His lawyer is not supposed to respond to me, and he didn't.

Re: The babygate. They're right, it's just his point now, next time it will be something else. My H had been telling everyone (lawyers, mediators, psychologists) that I don't dress the girls appropriately and that it's affecting their self-esteem. So the psychologist asked the teachers & doctors and they said the girls look fine. I let them pick their own clothes (withing reason), because they want to be independent but they are always clean and fully dressed.
These are control issues, not about any specific topic.