Just wondering, do we BS have withdrawal symptoms? Last 2 weeks was really rough, some final steps were taken to leave behind my hopes and dreams. It really got me depressed. The grief was unbearable then I got this yucky cold. I laid in bed all day Sat as I slept and read throughout the day. I was so overwhelmed with a heaviness and unbearing feeling of depression. I did not want to get out of bed (unlike me). I was missing every tiny little thing about my former life with WS.

Had to go to my house on Sunday to do various things (take care of cats, do income tax with WS, wash clothes, etc) and while there and after I left, all the depression lifted and I feel strengthened, energized and totally at peace now.

Was I going through a form of withdrawal? Is it good for me to "visit" my home and the things I left behind? While I was there, I did not feel like I wanted to move back or work things out with WS. As a matter of fact, his couple-of-beers attitude made me so thankful to be away from the indifference that drinking brings to a M and his irrational/fictious way of life. I saw alot of positive things for my reasons for leaving.

Anybody experience anything similiar? Just wondering?

TW

Yes. I've been absolutely separated, as in she's a 30 hour drive away, for only a month now... and every morning I wake up wishing she was with me and hating myself for wishing that. At night, sometimes I cry and I shake, holding myself, wishing she would call... knowing I can't allow myself to pick up the phone if she does... knowing I can't call her.

YES! I firmly believe that I am going through withdrawals or the grieving process. When I'm really lonely, it's almost like I block out all of the bad stuff and miss what good stuff was in our marriage. Being around him is like getting a reality check because then I remember all of the bad stuff that I had to put up with which made what good there was not worth it.

While I am resolved in my decisions, I haven't been wanting to go do anything. I've been moping around the house. Every once in a while, I get a break from feeling so down and I start to get excited about life again. It's a rollercoaster.

I can totally relate because I am in the midst of that. I do know though that I am going to be better off without him, but you are so use to the other life even though it was destructive that you think that was what is normal..at least that is what I am thinking. The nights are the worst, I want to hold him in my arms at night and lay my head on his chest I well up with tears just thinking about it, but then I say to myself, remember the smell of the alcohol on his breath and the smell of the sweat on his chest because he wouldn't shower for a few days. Then I get grossed out and feel better. I know sounds insane, I really think that once we have a closure and accept the loss we will feel better. Stay strong and I pray for peace for you.....I am grateful to all of you out there....

You're definitely having normal grieving symptoms. The loss of a M is HUGE, and you must allow yourself the time to withdraw into yourself.

Here's something that was in my April "bereaved families" newsletter, which I just got in the mail yesterday:

Part of discovering my
new self has been learning
to listen, not talk.

Turning inward requires a
silence, a quietness - not
only on the outside, but on
the inside. I keep listening
until I hear something.

Patience brings discovery of
a new me. And as I listen,
I begin to like what I hear.

As I change I learn to
retreat - to say no to
always staying connected to
a world outside of myself.

This art of pulling in
ultimately creates a
newfound I, full of spiritual
integrity and overflowing
with love.

Withdrawal
brings new life

- Alan Wolfelt

At first I cringed when reading this... after all, it was talking about "withdrawal"... with our MB experiences, that's such a nasty word for us, b/c it tends to refer to our WS's. But I've read it through a few times, and I can more easily see how withdrawal can be a good thing... a natural (and subconscious?) way that our bodies are telling us to slow down, reflect, learn, breathe.

I"m sorry you're sick with a cold. Take care of yourself, and drink lots of tea or chicken broth. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

When I'm really lonely, it's almost like I block out all of the bad stuff and miss what good stuff was in our marriage

Lorac---AGAIN it is so great to have some others to relate to. I understand what you say about blocking out the bad. Consequently or fortunately, reality check is only a visit away.

Lyxa----sorry you are in such pain. Keep working through those feelings and find a way to deaden the sting. Don't do things that will stir up your confused feelings about your spouse. Hope you are finding answers and help here on these threads.

Topie----very interesting thoughts on withdrawal. Have to ponder them more.

Turning inward requires a silence

There certainly is silence in my life----living alone is so new to me. Thanks for giving me some new ways to look at the aloneness and its benefits to me.

I am doing great right now and feel like I have weathered those past storms well. I know there will be more. It is very evident that I am growing and healing inside. I can "see" it. I am so amazed at the human spirit and the way God uses circumstances in our life to strengthen, redirect and build new things. I WISH THAT I DID NOT GET TOO ATTACHED TO THINGS AND PEOPLE, THOUGH.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> As I change I learn to retreat - to say no to always staying connected to a world outside of myself </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This reminds me of something I just read in my daily Alanon readings. I am learning that I can enjoy something beautiful without needing to own it. It seems I need to have other people and things to be complete and worthwhile. I never understood solitude before BUT guess what, I am getting a fuller picture. I know the answer is not to become individualistic cause I believe we are a group, a team, a family, a community here on earth but I cannot let the group, family, etc define me anymore. Hard metamorphosis needed.

Have a good day Sunday and hope you get to church even though it is such a difficult thing to do now,
TW

Your MB name is so appropriate to all the feelings we all go through -tossedwave - it's like the waves of grief and loss wash over us, then subside for a bit and we can see a distant horizon that fills us with hope, then another wave crashes again, then a clearing....eventually we will get to the crystal clear, smooth as glass sea. Then we can set the sails and glide on. Until then, the waves of withdrawal are part of the process. And it is withdrawal, there is no other way to put it. Withdrawing from the "comfort", the "stability", the "identity" of the family unit we knew for so many years. Even with whatever problems there were within the marriage, we had grown used to coping and dealing and in many cases overlooking them in order to keep things on an even keel.

Some days I feel like I can conquer the world and I will be okay. Other days I can hardly face getting out of bed. Somedays I cry over and over for the husband that I loved and still love. I miss his smile, his sense of humor, his presence. Others I seethe with anger over the way he treated me, deceived me, blamed me for things HE did, and now avoids me at all cost, as if I am a worthless nothing.

I guess the withdrawal pain varies with each circumstance and each individual. The length will vary too. But one thing you said in your post I disagree with. You said that you wished you were not the type of person who gets attached to people and things. Don't wish that. Our ability to empathise(sp) and have compassion and emotional attachment to people and things we value are what make us unique and special. Where would the world be if everyone could just make their own rules and throw away anything, anybody, anytime?? Just leave anytime things got boring or hard or drab or "everyday'??

Carry your dreams with you, they are part of you. Your compassion and ability to love in the face of difficulty helps define you as a person of integrity and worth. Remember that on the dark days. Take good care of yourself.

I can get a glimpse of the horizon every now and then...white beaches, sunshine and peace.

(Hope I didn't ramble to much!)

Thanks, Broken, your name is very appropriate too cause don't we feel like we are broken in a million pieces sometimes. I sometimes feel like I am broken and never will be fixed.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Where would the world be if everyone could just make their own rules and throw away anything, anybody, anytime?? Just leave anytime things got boring or hard or drab or "everyday'??
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wow---I can see your point....isn't that what has happened to us? But I still have no right to "own" another. I can't explain fully what I mean by owning another person or something of value but it is very codependent and it is not healthy. I agree that we need to treasure and value others but owning is strangulating.

Thanks for helping me understand the withdrawal pains and seeing that they are normal.

TW