I've been unhappy at home for some time, i've never cheated on my wife, but i get accused of it a lot, i tend to turn inward when things go bad, i'm a surviver, and I deal with stuff, maybe too much, my wife tends to be depressed, and it really bugs me after a while,I just dont get how life can be that bad for someone. when we met i felt we were about 75% common ground on a lot of stuff, but now she seems to hate everything about me and my life, and i cant tell her anything, we have teens, and they have lots of issues, and the more issues THEY have, the worse she gets,there's never any peace, all these block heads fight all the time, My wife is a bigger CHILD than the kids, she engages in every argument,I dont get it, i tell her DISENGAGE and assert your ADULT athority and WALK, but she instead argues with teenagers. She complains that she's over worked, she works full time, but she refuses to deal out chores to the teens, she claims its more work getting them to do it, I disagree,I COOK 4 nights out of 7 and help with our 8 yr old,but she claims i dont do enough either, I help her food shop, and put away,and I do all the yard work,along with maintenance of the house, My parents dont see where she has anything to complain about, my dad did NOTHING in the house growing up, my mom said she wishes my dad did HALF the stuff she sees me do for my wife. I'm sick of her whinning about how hard life is, i just feel that the load we carry is normal, but her reaction to all the weight we carry is not, I'm ready to walk, but i just cant make the jump, why do we stay and endure all this crap? anyone else feel like this?? I'm wasting my life on the fence, i really need to decide, how did you decide??

OK MB'ers

Before you reply go and read his "response" in EN to MarriedGirls post. He pops in to a really serious post about child molestation and says how much he digs Classmates.com because he likes to meet up with females classmates to make his wife nuts.

This guy is a snert...he needs to be banned.

How dare my human side come out !! after you deal with a nutcase for 10 years you tend to get this way, I'm working on it.... I'll pray for your healing too, hun. thanks for all your loving thoughts....

Case and point why have you been with the "nut case" for 10 years....Its called being sick...I know because I stayed for 15 years..I wrote a timeline of the last 15 years and it scared me to death how I could remember every horrible detail of the cycle. My stbxh has bipolar ?? is an alcoholic who was sober for 12years (dry drunk behaviour stayed alcohol went, replaced with prescription meds) began drinking again placed our kids in danger and drove with them drunk...I lived with this man, I chose this man I had 8 children with this man...who sounds like the one that was really sick here...I was because I allowed it. Now I am looking forward to a future with my children that is alcoholic free and the disease that festered for 15years is now in remission....

Case and point why have you been with the "nut case" for 10 years....Its called being sick...I know because I stayed for 15 years..I wrote a timeline of the last 15 years and it scared me to death how I could remember every horrible detail of the cycle. My stbxh has bipolar ?? is an alcoholic who was sober for 12years (dry drunk behaviour stayed alcohol went, replaced with prescription meds) began drinking again placed our kids in danger and drove with them drunk...I lived with this man, I chose this man I had 8 children with this man...who sounds like the one that was really sick here...I was because I allowed it. Now I am looking forward to a future with my children that is alcoholic free and the disease that festered for 15years is now in remission....

Case and point why have you been with the "nut case" for 10 years....Its called being sick...I know because I stayed for 15 years..I wrote a timeline of the last 15 years and it scared me to death how I could remember every horrible detail of the cycle. My stbxh has bipolar ?? is an alcoholic who was sober for 12years (dry drunk behaviour stayed alcohol went, replaced with prescription meds) began drinking again placed our kids in danger and drove with them drunk...I lived with this man, I chose this man I had 8 children with this man...who sounds like the one that was really sick here...I was because I allowed it. Now I am looking forward to a future with my children that is alcoholic free and the disease that festered for 15years is now in remission....

To summarize a great article from AskMen.com... women nag because of a falling interest level in their man. Doing things to intentionally make your One and Only jealous is... <looks for an appropriate word> CHILDISH, ASININE, IMMATURE, <could keep going>.

Depression is hard thing to deal with. Domestically, you could be superman, but if you're letting her down in some other way... that might be worth focussing on. It'll be hard because of the depression though and I wish you luck with that.

Read it, Allison.

41,

To you "Marriage Building" and posting here may be a big fun game, but most of our members are seriously trying to resolve marriage conflict and/or survive the worse devistation of their family's lives. Please try and respect our boards.

Best,
Jo

Resiliant, i dont feel that i've said anything out of line, when someone insults me i'm going to respond. I keep being accused of NOT READING the rules, I have, several times, and i've applied several of the principals to my dealings with my wife. I came to this site for some insight and some suggestions like everyone else.I sometimes make fun of my situation because I've cried all the tears i'm going to cry over all the BS I've gone through with this poor, sick woman. The big losers in my situation will be me and my daughter,her mom will get well enough to "reel in" another guy to carry her through another 10 trs or so untill she does the same thing to him, her mother did the same thing to many men untill her death a few years back. DUMB ME didnt see the pattern untill it was way too late. As the days pass i still morn the loss of a second marriage,and i'm sad for her, but at the same time i dont feel I deserve a life sentence with a sick woman who refuses to acknowledge she is ill, so I'm now in protect ME mode. IF I was the only one seeing all this stuff maybe i would have worked harder to save the marriage, but I have several older married folks telling me she is playing me for a fool and ruining the lives of the kids with her problems in life, which would be managable If she would seek treatment.I'm getting the guilt trip from her about tossing 10 yrs out the door, but i'm thinking it was 10 years of roller coasters for me, what am I really losing?? I just cant do it anymore. I get visions of my grand kids getting treated like she treated my kids, like imposing visitors, and i think i would snap if i had to see that one more time. The tears for my wife have stopped, but the tears for my poor little girl will just be starting, and now thats breaking my heart, please pray for her.

41,

I have read several responses on other MB boards of yours to new members telling them to leave their wives without another thought, to kick them to the curb.

I know our own experiences color our responses to others, however, my perception of yours are you're not taking the MB prinicpals very serious.

I apologize if my perception is off-kilter, but perhaps you may indeed need to read a bit more here before offering such radical advice.

Jo

And 41, I have such compassion and empathy for your situation. Unfortuntely, I know the hurt all too well.

There are so many wise people here, so much to learn. Make your goal to be a better you .... read everything and then read it again.

There's a good reason there are so many MB members, the principals DO WORK.

Lv,
Jo

In my OPINION certain behaviors by a spouse are unacceptable, like CHILD MOLESTING, HOOKERS,and BEATING WOMEN, ALCHOLISM,FALLING OFF THE WAGON, REPEATED DRUG abuse, what makes people think all this stuff will just "go away" ?? Let GOD forgive these people, and let them find a mate just like them so they can see what they've done to others, sorry if that sounds bitter. people in this world make too many excuses.

41,
Are you taking any responsibility? Thou dost protest too much.

Aly

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by fortyone:
In my OPINION certain behaviors by a spouse are unacceptable, like CHILD MOLESTING, HOOKERS,and BEATING WOMEN, ALCHOLISM,FALLING OFF THE WAGON, REPEATED DRUG abuse, what makes people think all this stuff will just "go away" ?? Let GOD forgive these people, and let them find a mate just like them so they can see what they've done to others, sorry if that sounds bitter. people in this world make too many excuses.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We are in agreement then, 41. Not all marriages should be recovered.

I am not referring to the "Child Molestation" thread, or even a "Beating or Alcoholism" thread response, 41. Your advice in general to most has been to ditch their spouse. And IMHO, to post that to a new member is not appropriate. Especially considering you yourself are fairly new.

Take some time and read stories here, people like BrambleRose, WAT, LostVA, K ... etc.

The meaning of success does not necessarily mean you recovered your marriage, as much as it means you recovered a better you in the process.

Lv,
Jo

<small>[ March 31, 2003, 10:08 AM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

A better me is what i seek, i've made so many mistakes that i seriously regret, and i've wasted so much of my life wishing i had done better,I've been forgiving to a fault in my two relationships with women, to the point that i lost what was important to me trying to please others. i'm tired of women trying to mould me into something I'm not. I was taught to be respectfull of women and honor them, i really wanted to have a life long relationship with a woman who could share my dreams and show me a few things too. i used to think people who talked about their "soul mate" were full of it, but i'm starting to think i really need to look for mine, somehow i dont think a soul mate would take you on a life long roller coaster ride like i've endured. i'm a very trusting person and my next woman will really need to be the same,i'm going to have to work very hard to leave all my baggage behind and start with a clean slate, its real easy to lump people into an SOS syndrome.