I'm in the early workings of a dissolution. We've been seperated a few weeks, I've got my lawyer picked out but havent filed just yet. I'm really battling over whether or not to take my maiden name back. It wont cost me anything if I want it back at the time we sign.
I've only got 3 reasons to not do it, one is pretty weak.
1. I'd have a different last name than the kids.
2. I'd have to change my name everywhere, get new checks, a new SS card, ect.
3. I know he's going to flip over this. (this is the weak one, cant you tell? lol)

If I didnt have any kids, hell yes, I'd change my name back. And if I ever got married again my name would be different from thiers then. I know this is my choice(my name) and not his, but I know he'll see it as 'your trying to erase me from your life...' or something like that. The same reason why I've put off changing the answering machine, rearranging furnature, painting the kitchen, you name it.
I also think tho, I dont want the last name I have now going on my tombstone!! ( 'My Name Here; mother and exwife!')

What has everyone else decided on this and how has it worked? Or any points of view I havent thought of?

To change your name back to your maiden, will result in differences in your home. Your kids will have a different last name, but so what. It really depends on you and what your feelings are. But there is one solution to solve the problem of your tombstone, and anything else. What about hyphening your name. Example: Married name is Sue Smith, she divorces and maident name is Sue Jones. So now she can be Sue Smith-Jones, or Sue Jones-Smith. This was brought up to me, and I liked the idea. That way, when you are signing checks, you can sign it Sue Smith or Sue Jones. Then you won't have to change any of your ID's, J's, or anything. And your tombstone can be your married name only. It gives you versatility, and you can use the name of your choice at that time.

Legally, both names are yours to keep for the rest of your life. So you are allowed to keep the names anyway you want to. That way, EXH won't beable to say, see I told you that you would keep your married name. Just say, I kept your last name for the kids, plus my maiden name was given to me by my loving parents, therefore, I will use both.

So think about this, and it solves many problems. That is one thing great about being a man. They keep their name regardless of how many wives they have.

But now the women get to have a choice. And if I were to marry again, I know how my name would be.

So just a little information for you to think about.

I've been trying to figure out the same thing. I have the same reasons too. I have to add one to the list though. My college diploma has his last name on it. I'm still trying to figure out what to do to.

I had the same dilemma myself so I just used my maiden name as my middle name and hyphenated it with my married name. That way I would have the best of both worlds and wouldn't have to change any documents. I still use my married name. I have a son and decided that I didn't want to confuse him when he got older since he's still too young to understand. I did this on the advice of my Attorney.

GL,

That was an easy decision for me...I kept my married name...

1. because the kids have been through enough, this is their name and I am very proud to have it with them...

2. Because they relate our family to the....can't say real name, but let's say "Brady family", I don't want them confused.

3. If I get married, which will be a long, long time from now, after the kids have more time to adjust, I plan to take my husband's name, therefore, the kids won't have to go through two name changes with me...only 1.

Take care,

ANNA

P.S.

I did however keep my maiden name as well, it's now my middle name...

<small>[ March 27, 2003, 09:05 PM: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</small>

Have to jump in here!!

For the time being I have kept the name that my children have, my youngest is twelve and when she graduates I will change it. My reasons are the same as everyone elses.

However I did have it put in the decree that my name can be changed when I want to. I have to go to the court house and SS. This way I don't have to go back to a lawyer.

I painted a sign for the front of our house that reads "The B*l$$r@n and Mom". My kids love it. It's us!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I TOOK MY MAIDEN NAME BACK WHEN I WAS DIVORCED A YEAR AND A HALF AGO. HAD ABSOLUTELY NO DESIRE TO KEEP HIS NAME. MY KIDS ARE 11 & 10, AND IT DOESN'T SEEM TO BE A PROBLEM FOR THEM.

COULD NOT HAVE EVER IMAGINED THE EX GETTING MARRIED AGAIN, AND HIS NEW WIFE HAVING THE SAME NAME AS ME - NO WAY.

I'm not changing my name back, because my children are young.
But my friends suggested I begin using an easier pronunciation (a local newscaster has the same spelling).
For work, I have always used both my maiden & married names (not hyphenated), and it's very long.

I filed for divorce and requested my wife take her maiden name back. Although the decision is hers and hers alone, I think it will provide her with a 'clean new start'. Also, if she feels that our marriage wasn't any good, she should be able to erase it, at least in name.

I never took my husband's name to begin with, so, assuming we divorce, there won't be a problem. That wasn't the reason I didn't take his name in the first place, however. Twenty-odd years ago when I married I didn't want to have to deal with changing all my documents (and the high likelihood that at least one of these bureaucracies would mess up, resulting in my receiving no social security in old age or some such scenario!)

Next time around, ladies, I would really advise holding on to your name. I felt I could never love anyone so much that it was worth giving me up my very identity for them.

I have a son whose name is different than mine. It's not been a problem at all. In the US at least, eyebrows have practically never been raised. Now that I live in very conservative Switzerland, things are a bit different, however.

Interestingly, my teenage son, whose relationship with his dad has been strained by his dad's affair, has taken on my last name!

BridgetJones

The only reason I took my husband's name when I married is because it sounded nicer than my maiden name (his is french). I immediately took my maiden name back, even before we divorced. We got divorced after I got my Master's degree, and I wanted my maiden name on the diploma.

I will be a PhD soon, and the name on that diploma will be the one I was born with as well. In some ways, I'm glad we got divorced when we did. I couldn't imagine getting divorced years from now and having his stinkin' name on my diplomas. If I have children, they will have my name as well....that is, until babies come out of a man's body. If the father wants ownership rights, he can change his name to the woman's name or like some couples, they decide on a new name together and they both change their names. Sounds fair to me.

I am hyphenating my name. It is Peachy E...-S..... So I am also lucky. Graduated from college two years before meeting Darth. And at the state meeting this May (I am prez of our state med. society for our specialty) they just sent out flyers with my hyphenated name. My maiden name comes first and I like it that way. Darth threw a fit last year when he found out after trying to call to get my new number from the phone co., that Peachy S... didn't exist. But that there was a Peachy E....-S.....

As an adolescent, I came to dislike my last name. Didn't like the way it sounded. Got teased about it. Always had to spell it for people. Just didn't like it.

Married a man with an easy last name. Sounded nicely alliterative with my first name.

Then came the divorce. Didn't want to keep his name and didn't want my maiden name. But couldn't afford a court order to change it to something else.

Then he married another woman - 5 years after he moved out and 2 years after the divorce. A lawyer friend offered to get it changed for me at cost.

So, within 48 hours of starting the legal ball rolling, I had a new last name. Used my grandfather's, father's, and son's middle name. Took the original of the court order to Soc. Security administration and to state office of vital records. And Vital Records changed my birth certificate. Now I am:

originalfirstname(hyphen)originalmiddlename formermaidenname newlastname

Now I have to spell my first name for everyone.

And what would I do if I ever married again? I don't know. I just really don't know. My SO says he thinks I should keep this last name forever. Not all men would be so understanding. We'll just wait and see how life unfolds.

It depends on what you want to do. I have hyphenated my name about half way through the marriage, I now just use maiden name as middle name, married as last name. I know it irritates ex as he will not put married name on any correspondence, lol. Actually, the kids and I can see how mad he is by the way he writes out the check. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

My kids wanted to take my maiden name as theirs, then the OD decided she just wanted a whole new identity. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Lori

This one's been on my mind too. I don't have kids, so that's not an issue. Yeah, it costs money to officially change it, get new id, etc., but that's minimal.

My real big concern is the fact that I'm a teacher, and my married name has been my name for 7 years and it gets used every 5 minutes while I'm at work. I can't quietly change my name back to my maiden name. I will have a couple hundred students asking me why my name changed, not to mention a whole bunch of colleagues all over the place who really don't need to know I've gone through a divorce - I'm married to another teacher in another school in our district. By being blatantly obvious about our divorce and changing my name, I also fear how people may choose loyalty to me or him and draw lines in the sand.

So I have lots of reasons to just keep my H's name for now, unless I change schools at some point, and go somewhere where the kids don't know me. Problem is, I just changed schools last year to pretty much the best school in the district....and I don't want to leave. So it looks like I'm stuck with his name for some time....

But if he remarries....I don't know if I could stand to have the same name as his new W.

To be honest, I already feel somewhat like a sham using his name when we no longer have a happy marriage.

Do any of you have any thoughts on changing my name, considering that I'm a middle school teacher?

Jen

PS: To hyphenate my name would result in a name with 6 syllables and 15 letters, not an option.

<small>[ April 02, 2003, 10:11 AM: Message edited by: Jen Brown ]</small>

bump....suggestions or thoughts anyone?