All,

I am about to obtain a divorce, I live in a state where no-fault is allowed. I'll give a little history of my situation. Both WW and I are 23, no kids. I have proof of an affair, and she left the house on Sunday and obtained an apartment of her own. Her affair went on from last Jan or March to probably ongoing...

She is wanting me to file a joint petition for irrec. differences. This would waive the waiting period of 6 months and the divorce would be completed as soon as the judge approved it. The agreement that has been proposed is fair. Both of us work, so we would split the payments on joint debt until the house is sold and it would pay off the debt. The remaining money would be divided equally, with a little extra going to the person taking the less valuable car.

I have until next week to decide to sign this with her or have mental cruelty or some other ground filed against me. At this point, I would need to obtain an attorney, etc. and the legal bills could get out of hand because I would contest this charge and probably counterfile adultery.

I think that the settlement is reasonable. I'm not too worried about getting a judgement against her in court (unless she goes after me). In our state, the reason does not matter at all as far as asset division is concerned.

Would I be stupid to turn down this offer??? I really would like some more time (sell the house, let people know without the fast shock), but she is sure that this is what she wants, etc.

I don't want to stand in her way of divorce.

Has anyone else entered an agreement where the house would be sold? By this, did you wait to get the divorce until after the home sale, or did you just get the divorce and sell the home later? I'm worried about something catastrophic going wrong and financial difficulties caused by entering this type of agreement.

Any advice is appreciated....

In my opinion you need to get advice from a good divorce lawyer to make sure that your divorce goes smoothly without getting screwed in the process.

If we did this, we would be going through an attorney an obtain an uncontested no-fault divorce...she would probably pay the fee.

My advice, as the fact that I am going through the hopefully final stages, is that I would take the agreement and run if you are wanting the divorce. No matter what you do, if you fight this out, you will loose, even if you win. Unless you are both completely atypical 23 year olds, you probably don't have a ton of things to be fighting over anyway. So I think that the best thing to do if you want the divorce is to take this straight forward approach and count yourself lucky that you don't have to deal with all the heartache that lawyers cause.

My opinion is don't worry about what the law says, if you are OK with the agreement. Who cares if the law says she should pay for this, or you for that, if you are in agreement. The law is just there for those of us who have disagreements. If you are fine with the agreement, then don't even think about the thought that you might be 'getting screwed'. Just don't do it. Because if you start looking hard enough, you can find things that will upset you, and she can do the same.

Now if you don't want the divorce, then that is a whole different matter. Perhaps she just had a stupid loss of sense, for which she is sorry. Then that depends upon you to determine what you want, and what you are willing to do to get it. If you want your marriage, to this woman, to continue, DESPITE her infidelity, then I believe that you must do eveything in your power to show her you want her. But fighting the divorce will not show her, in fact it will only alienate her further. To keep a wayward wife, I have no ideas. I was unable to become the person mine needed, or at least thinks she wants. Her lovers provide her with the fantasy that she desires, and she looks back on our marriage as completely horrible. In the last year, she hasn't said 2 good things about our entire marriage of 11 years.

But, once again, if you want the divorce, I would join in and get out. You will be much better off in my opinion, by just walking away if you want it as well. Don't worry about the 'stuff'. It is meaningless. Believe me, it is meaningless.

To be honest, I really don't know if I'd take her back after all of this...

It's a bad situation. I think I'm reluctant to sign just because it is such a large decision. I want to cover my basis. I fear bringing another attorney into the mix will cause issues. We don't have much to fight over. A few grand isn't worth the stress to either of us.

My parents are the only ones pushing to get an attorney and not sign this. I know they want to protect me, but I read the agreement and I am satisfied with the terms.

I'm just wondering if anyone has had any major problems after signing something like this.