Just to give you some background, when my stbxh and I were together he did some work for the office I work at and took some of their equipment with him when he left the state and left unfinished business....well I called him about it today because this is my job that he is messing with...and I need it back. Also, I have all the bills to deal with not to mention raising 8 children and putting food in their mouths. He has no bills to pay at all, no rent, no car no utilities, no food to he has to buy NOTHING but cigarettes!!! He will get a $1000 at the first of the month and will send me $500, yet I am paying all of his bills too....so my credit doesn't get messed up....I know once it goes to court they will take care of him but he proceeded to laugh at me.....I told him he was the meanest, cruelest person I have ever known that he would hurt his children this way..I told him I hope he is happy that he doesn't have to deal with us anymore and he says "conversation over I am hanging up now!" then hangs up on me.....I am so angry I cannot believe he could be so cold, I am going through hell here. I then hung up and called his father because he seems to be my only resource since mom and sis are just as two faced......I beg him to please get the equipment and send it too me and I told him about his son laughing, he said he is retiring today and he isn't looking forward to dealing with him either but he can't just throw him out.....I say throw him out on his butt!!!!! He needs to be in the streets begging for help, I am so upset right now I can't even breath....Thank you for allowing me to vent...I am so glad I have this board to do it on...I want to get in the car and drive straight to Virginia and tell him exactly what I think of him laughing... I can't wait to have my day in court...

I am sorry. Will pray for you and the kids. Remember this: BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER. My stbxh's family USED to be in my corner until they found out that I FILED UNDER THREE DIFFERENT GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE and then they changed their tune. They haven't called me in months or even bothered to buy me a gallon of milk for us when I didn't have a dime.

My x used to do the "conversation over" thing too. It is control. Take back the control. Get to court asap. It hurts, but if I could have done anything differently, I would have lit huge fires under the buttocks of my legal counsel and tried to speed this whole thing up sooner. Do not prolong the pain. Concentrate on what you CAN DO. And that is be a great mom. Work the budget until you get him in front of the judge. And work on healing yourself and distancing yourself and do a good plan B now. He is hurting you and is emotionally abusive. So is mine. Let it go. Move away from the pain. Stay away. When you step far enough back from this situation, you will be objective and think things through without emotions clouding your judgement. How do I know? It took almost a year for me to get that clear view of the situation. Like assessing the damage after a tornado. Pick up what can be salvaged, cry for what cannot be replaced, move and rebuild again on a new foundation. You have to.

No time for meltdown. Cry if you wish in the tub. Take a bubble bath and cry. Watch a good movie. I like "Legally Blonde" b/c she gets dumped, he gets engaged to someone else, she gets revenge by living well and working ON HERSELF. And in the end, she is respected and he crawls back but she dumps him b/c she's grown much more as a person than he did. Plus it is funny.

Vent here, not to your kids.
You won't get through to H either.
So take care of yourself by filing for child support immediately. Also, if you are in a financial bind, find your local women's crisis center. They offer free counseling (particularly for alcoholic issues) and know of food programs and other programs to help you and your children. don't be afraid to ask for and accept help at this time in your life. Consider it a gift from God that resources are there when you need them. If you can, find an alateen program for your children, and alanon for you. You'll find that you aren't alone.
If you pay off the credit cards, he won't have to pay them in the settlement.