I'm going totally nuts. My stbxw finally agreed that I can have my daughter during our separation. Yes, this is a very good thing. I'm supposed to take her to the W's house tomorrow. I'm just freeking out because I know she is seeing someone and she is lieing straight to my face about it. She keeps saying he's just a friend and that she going to church with him. Now she wants to take my Daughter with her to spent time with him. I really feel uneasy about this whole thing. I feel like I'm doing way too much for her. I want to treat her like my Wife still and its hard for me not to. She's expecting me to get her car fixed that she wrecked into a tree last week. She expecting me to take her places, she expecting me to file her state taxes.. She wants me to do all the paperwork for the seperation and divorce which I want neither of. I just don't know I'm so close to telling her to kiss off and do whatever she wants to do and don't ask me for a damn thing. I'm just afraid if I do that she will not let me have my daughter. I want to wait till I have the legal seperation done so I have in writing that my daughter will be with me, its just so hard. I wish someone would smack her in the back of the head and tell her to wake up and realize what she is doing. Oh, also she hasn't thanked me for ANYTHING I have done for her over the last few weeks. I moved all of her stuff into her new place. Its like she expecting me to bend over backward for her and she isn't willing to give anything in return and its driving me up the wall.. Sorry, I guess I just needed to vent a little bit. I would probably feel better if she was telling me the truth. She's never been a good lier. I know when she is telling the truth and I know that she is not right now. The bad thing is she know that I know too and she still does it. I think I'm going to buy a punching bag..

I know just where you are and where you will have to go in the future. I was there for so long myself going through uncharted waters. Loving and dispising. Distrusting and hearing lies "to my face" as well. So many lies in fact that I couldn't believe that she was capable of really saying the things that she was saying. Stupid lies, idiotic little lies that she knew I knew the truth about, but she had to say them in order to 'prove her point'. She also said there was 'No one else'. I won't go into this, but I encourage you to read my posts starting about last June or July.

I would go into it again, but I don't want to stir up the feelings, even though I think that I have worked them out rather than pushed them down. I would rather not relive those dark days. But if you do a search on this board for 20900 and have a LOT of time on your hands, my story and posts may be something that will help you to see what happened to me and how I dealt with it.

Did I do it right? I don't know. I did it, and I still have my boys. Did I get hurt by it? Undoubtedly. Would I do it the same way again? Yes, with a few minor changes, I would do most of it again.

How do I view things? I run them through the most incredibly sensitive filter of all... "Will this benefit my boys?" That is such a black and white filter that finally I have found an easy way to deal with things. It quite often takes me to the point of doing things that I don't have to do, legally, morally, or societally. However, because of the way she views things, in order to protect my boys, at this time I do things that my friends and family cringe at. But I trust in God. He has led me through this mess, and delivered me on the other side.

If you have the time, read my posts. You sound very similar to where I was last summer.

Thanks FC, I'll take a look at those. I do feel better this morning than I did when I wrote that last night. I know when she calls to tell me to bring my daughter to her I'm going to come close to snapping again though. Just have to wait and see I guess..

Read the posts suggested, but also make sure you read the material on this site, not just on the boards. Learn about Emotional Needs, and definitely read up on Plan A which you appear to be doing without naming it.

Also, since you are currently "separated", rather than file papers, see a mediator to work out the terms of the separation (even though its not what you want) particularly time with your child. This should put you more at ease. In our state, many mediators are lawyers, but you are paying for one rather than two, and if you are in agreement about particular issues, it really helps.

Good Luck.

Actually, we do agree on everything. I don't really agree with being seperated or divorced but I am going along with it. We already have things set in motion to get the seperation done. Hopefully Monday. Neither of us can afford anything since she bailed so we're trying to do it all the cheapest way possible.