My W has done nothing but lie to me in the last year. This is the second time in 8 months that we have been seperated. The first lasting 2 months with me finding out she is a drug addict. I have decided to get off of the roller coaster and file for divorce. She agrees on the divorce. The question I have is how do we divorce without being hateful to each other? Everytime we talk about the divorce we get into huge fights. I had written her a poem telling her that I appreciated all the memories that we shared. The poem was very nice. She calls me yesterday morning to tell me the poem was very nice and she began to cry. She said she just knows it would never work out between us. She said she would always care for me but it would never work. My wife has been gone for 3 weeks. While talking on the phone to her she tells me she likes someone new. I asked if it was serious and she said no that she did not want a relationship with anyone. I then popped the question, Have you had sex with this person? She said yes. This did not bother me much until she told me that the sex was unprotected. She said neither he or she used protection. I went off. I have never felt hatred to anyone in my life until that point. How could she care for me the least bit if she is having sex with someone and not even using protection? She could become pregnant or get a disease. I told her that I hated her and wished I never met her. I told her I regret ever knowing her. I have been with her for 8 years. Even today when I woke up I still feel the hatred for her. She makes me sick. I changed the locks on the doors to the house. She is hanging with a bad crowd. She is heavy into the drug scene. I thought the divorce was going to be an easy one for us as we have no children. the only thing that we had not aggreed to was the house. We had been talking about what the plans were for the house. I dont ever want to talk to her again and I cannot afford a lawyer nor can she. How do I resolve this? Can I still file and let the judge decide who gets the house? I dont know much about divorce or how things work. Most everything we have together has both of our names on it. How does a judge determine who gets what? This divorced is based on my wifes drug addiction and her infidelity. I have asked her many times to get help for the addiction but she refuses. I just want a little insight on what judges look at when it comes to divorce. Thanks

The judge will look at things based on a number of factors:
- Whether his breakfast that day was good.
- If his commute into work was nice.
- If his stock options are doing well.
- If his favorite sports team won.
- If you look like that one kid who bullied him when he was 9 years old.

Ummm... what I'm getting at is that you can't count on the judge to look at your situation the way you do. You really need a lawyer. If you can't afford it, document whatever proof you can get about the drugs and infidelity, get a divorce kit, and start figuring out how to do it on your own.

Incidentally, whether you have the money or not, SHE'LL somehow find the money to get a lawyer when she decides to dv you. Protect yourself and if you need to... your dv (like mine) will be about cutting your losses... not fairness.

The judge will do what's legally fair... not what's just. Make sure you've covered your bases.

Get in touch with the law society in your area and explain that you can't afford a lawyer. They might provide legal aid, that is, get you a lawyer that is just starting off and can use the experience. Good luck