we have been together 7 years, married for almost 3 and have a 2 year old child. He left last year in november and started seeing someone he had an affair with in 2001.

that has ended and we see each other once a week for a 'date'. he says we should 'keep it civil and see what happens'

he often makes reference to 'if only we had done this before we split etc'

i want this to work and i am confident it will if only i had the patience to let it work out naturally instead of trying to force it and pressure him.

any ideas?

You should be on a different board....it seems as though you may have a chance to work on your M. Did you try the recovery board or NEEDS board? Have you read the Harley marriage building articles? It is important that you learn what your needs are and learn what WS needs are. Be thankful for this opportunity to learn about each other. He may not be willing to change anything and you could be in this turmoil or worse a couple of years from now. You have to search and learn what has gotten your M to this place. Is he just a philanderer and uncommitted spouse or does he need something that he is not getting from your M?

You need to ask yourself why do you want your M to work? Why do you want him back? Is it just to stop the pain of rejection than that is no basis for a reconcilation? Recovery is hard and both partners have to be committed to rebuild.

Pray alot----asking God for wisdom in decision making and start to learn what choices you have to be a part of honest, committed, loving marriage. I am praying you will come to know for yourself if this dating is a waste of time or not?

TW