Well this is what happened my daughter called her dad and asked if her and her sister can go to their dad's for spring break. There is a restraining order so impossible. Anyway I get told by the girls that i am trying to keep them from their dad, and i keep telling them i am not this is what your dad chose when he walked out on us but they just keep after me. Well i said enough your not going and i won't discuss it anymore. Well he calls at his scheduled time and again says to the kids come up here for spring break your mother doesn't have full custody...blah blah blah...he hasn't received the papers yet...anyway they get off the phone and begin yelling at me my daughter screams i want to live with my dad at the top of her lungs and runs up the stairs. I grab the phone and say "that is it no more contact you are causing too much chaos and i won't tolerate it, no more contact until the judge decides and hung up" My daughter then screams again and I try to open the door to her bedroom she kicks and slams it into my shoulder and low and behold in 30 minutes i am on the way to the hospital due to a dislocated shoulder and then on the way to surgery due to a rotator cuff tear, my poor daughter feels so bad because she is angry for what has happened to our family and then i get hurt. I don't blame her for the anger she has been keeping it in. I blame him for what these kids are going through...I am home today in alot of pain and no sick time at work so i will lose pay until wed. But, I will say God works in mysterious ways, the longing I have had for my husband is gone, I no longer am hurting I am at peace. I am disgusted by him, and want him out of my life, what he has done to my children, I will never forget. I am getting the kids in counseling this week Thank God!!! My daughter is carrying alot of guilt today but I keep telling her it is ok, we all do things we regret and I know you did not intentionally do it. She does realize now though the impact that he has had on all our lives. Thank you for helping me be strong.

For Peachy---you go girl!!!!on your non-date HAHA

Hi momma! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm really not sure if keeping the kids from talking to their father is a good idea or not. Yes, he may upset them (and you) and cause some arguments for you and your kids. But he's still their father.

My kids' father is similar to your ex. He tells them things that aren't true and tells them he'll do things with them and then doesn't. But I still let them call him if they want and let them speak to him on the rare occassions that he calls. I figure in the long run, they'll figure out how he is on their own. My ex is also an alcoholic and drug addict. He was also physically abusive towards me and my children saw it all. It didn't take many broken promises before the kids started seeing just how uncaring he is. He hasn't called my house in over 2 years (the kids have to call him. He says it's their responsibility). He tells them that he calls and leaves messages and I don't tell them. That's never happened.

I think you should allow the children to at least talk to him on the phone. They do need that contact with him, even if it is upsetting for them.

Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Momma---Sorry for your injury. Hope you heal fast. You have a tough job cause no matter how rotten a parent is, a child wants and needs to be connected to their parents. This man that has left you all is their dad even though he doesn't fit the job description fully. There are many relatives I have that I don't like but I have learned to accept them where they are at and keep some space and distance as I still have a connection. I just don't let them push my buttons and that keeps me from reacting to them. There has to be some contact but it sounds like it may need to be limited or supervised. If there is some way you and your STBX can work together for the well being of the kids, I pray that you will find the balance.

Hope your pain subsides soon and that you heal completely. I am so glad you are forgiving to your daughter. You many need to begin forgiving the jerk you married. He does not deserve it but you do. Unforgiveness and resentment will only destroy you.

TW

{{{{{{{{{{{ BALLOONS OF HUGGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Oh I am soo sorry to hear about your injury and hope you are able to get some much needed deserved rest.

I hear your pain and agony over your children. The overall strain must be unbearable at times like this.

You are doing such a wonderful job in standing for yourself/family. I am relieved to hear that you/ your children are going to receive structured nuturing support through counceling. Tremendous load and internal pressures for young children to bare. The guilt, the doubts, the rejection, hurt, tears, courage, pain, loss, grief, self blame did we drive daddy away. Sad emotions swirling around in their young tender hearts.

The contact issue is such an emotional issues, knowing what the correct thing is to do. I wonder how you would feel if the judge recommended he revists a treatment center, takes a parenting class, sees the children under supervised visits with limited hours and under no alchol influence. Maybe with social worker to help him.

Would you feel better and more a peace under such circumstances?

I am of the belief parents should earn/prove, re-educate if need be, their rights back and prove themselves especially to their children/families. I am aware others might feel quite differently that parents/parents no matter what.

I have struggled over this for so long-- as my STBX and his family are such dangerous, destructive sick influences, persons. If they were good, semi-decent or caring folks I would welcome the interactions/encounters with open arms or my STBX for that matter. Well hold that thought, if he was a good, semi-decent caring person we would be still married and living thousands of miles away from his family.

For the next couple of days I do hope you are able to just REST/RELAX and give your weary nerves a well deserved break if possible. I hope you have your family that can offer some support during your family tradegy.

HUGGS!!!