Hi.

I know H is planning to leave for the 3rd time.
What do I do first? What do I tell the kids? He had promesed he was back for good this time. At least we don't fight.I hope I'm able to keep kindness in my heart. I know they did not do this to hurt me. Sometimes I can hardly breath. I would be very glad for any advice. I feel so alone.

Thanks, Kathy

What happened that he needs to leave again??

We are all here for you! Don't feel alone, you are among friends.

Inturmoil,

The first time my H left was right before Christmas. He cryed to come home. The second time I told him it was ok but he had to make his mind up. Then after 3 years of sobriety he drank while he was living with OW. He was 302 (court commited ) He told OW in front of me and my kids it was over. He has had no concact with her. I know becuse we talk. I know he is in love with her.

I know he dose love me and the kids. But he tells me he feels dead inside. This is not what I want for either of us.My heart is broke but I love him enough to let him go. It's so hard I been with him since I was 17. 23 years. Ti is good to know I'm not alone.
Thanks, Kathy

Hi,

Any one out there with some advice.

Thanks, Kathy

Hi Kathy, Have you been to Al-Anon? My H is an addict/alcoholic. He started drinking again after many years sober, then ran off with an OW 26 years younger than him. I told him, soon after he moved in with OW, that I loved him enough to let him go, if that's what he wanted. This actually encouraged him to come home, for a month, but he was unhappy and kept sneaking off to meet with OW. After he left again, he continued to promise to come home again many times. After 1.5 years of this, I finally had had enough. I gave him an ultimatum, me and sobriety or OW and getting high. He chose OW, drugs and alcohol.

I don't know how I would have gotten through the past 2.5 years without Al-Anon, as well as MB. Since your H was sober 3 years and you've been together 23 years, you've already experienced the insanity of living with active alcoholism. You know that sobriety is the only answer for him, but unfortunately it's a choice only he can make.

Until he does, the choice between you and the OW is almost irrelevant. I learned this the hard way. Please take care of yourself and, if you haven't already, try Al-Anon.

Letstry,

I used to attend meetings I havent in awhile. I shouldn't laugh but H started to drink while living with OW. She called me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> After he took sleeping pills while drinking. I told her call 911 she did and they 302 him.(court commited). He told OW in front of me and the kids he wanted to be with us. He knows there is no drinking in the house.

OW is also younger by 10 years. I talk to OW I told her that is just a taste of what I'v lived. She just dosen't know. Not my problem. WE are supposed to start marriage counseling tomarrow. He has been sober since he's home and working. It seem as if were strangers he bearly talks to me. He is attending AA meetings almost daily. Him staying sober is the most important thing he's no good to anyone drunk. His kids need him there 10,13

Since D-day I have realzied how alone I've made my self. There no one to call. I so glad for the support I get here.

Thanks, Kathy

Kathy, I started going to Al-Anon almost 20 years ago in order to figure out how to get my H sober. After years of dropping in at meetings in time of crisis, I finally started going for myself.

It took about a year to detach enough to make plans to move out. I bought a trailer and moved. Since I was supporting my H at the time (he'd lost his job and his professional license because of his addictions)he was desperate and called his parents who took him to a treatment program (probably #8 or 9) where he finally got sober.

After about 6 months, we got back together again and two years later we moved to the mountains and got married. He finally got his license back and we started the business we've owned for the past 8.5 years.

Once we moved and he'd been sober for a while, I thought I didn't need Al-Anon anymore - I'd gotten what I wanted, hadn't I? Looking back, who knows, but if I'd stayed in Al-Anon things might've turned out very differently.

I'm in Al-Anon now for myself. My H, too, started using drugs with the OW, before separation, and I haven't seen or talked to him in almost a year. Does that mean I don't need Al-Anon? NO! Al-Anon is for ME, not to help me deal with an alcoholic or to help him get sober. Of course, I wish I could have helped him, but I can't. Remember the Serenity Prayer?

Although I have no active alcoholics in my life, I still attend 3-4 Al-Anon meetings a week and hold service positions in the program. I don't do this for anyone but myself. I have been as affected by the disease of alcoholism as the alcoholics in my life. Remember, they at least have the excuse of being drunk when they do what they do. We do it stone, cold sober... I don't know what I would've done without the support from my friends in the program.

I don't mean to be preachy. No one else knows what's best for us. All I can do is tell you how it was for me.

letstry

I stoped attending meetings when, the only one I could get to no longer had child care. I'v been thinking about what you said. Now that my kids are older I think I'll will start attending again.

I need a list of meeting places. I can't post my work e-mail address. But if you have one you can. I'd like to talk more. Here is mine at home. I only have a free service 10 hours a month. SO I don't use it much. kplennert@mail.com If you wright me I'll give you my phone number maybe we can talk.

Do you have meeting list for delware county PA.
I am trying to take one day at a time.

I get up at 5 so I'm in bed early. I will chack home e-mail in the morining.

Thanks,Kathy