Well Peeps, it looks like my xW is going to go for Custody.

I have an issue here in that my xW receives a UK Child Benefits Book although the Children live with me. Initially I agreed to this thinking it was OK but after talking to my Solicitor and the various Agencies in the UK it appears that they all agree that I should have the book.

My xW is claiming Benefits off the back of the Book and this will disappear. She says that it's all above board, the Agencies tell me it's not so I am stuck in catch 22.

Now I have formally requested the Child Book back from the Agency. As a result my xW has thrown a whole load of abuse at me and my Brother-In-Law who previously had been very supportive of me and against the various OM# has also done the same. All this doesn't bother me but what does is that the Girls are now being told that I am trying to keep the Girls away from their Mum which is far from the truth.

Do you know I had to contact her on Mother's Day and ask her if she was going to see the Girls after they had made Cards for her? Then two daughters really didn't want to go when she arrived with OM. In the end one stayed home with me and the other two went. I wish I hadn't have bothered.

She now says that I am stopping her being a mother and it's not about the money. She has told the Girls she is going for Custody and I spent most of last night calming them down. One daughter is back to being highly stressed by it, the other keeps being sick in the night and the little one won't leave my side. It's like I have just wasted all that Child Therapy getting over the Christmas OM4 issue.

My Solicitor has advised me on what to do which I am doing now but I hate seeing my Girls hurt this way, no good will come of the way she keeps hurting them.

Anyone else have been through a similar sitch?

Best Wishes Neil.

<small>[ April 28, 2003, 07:42 AM: Message edited by: Porsche ]</small>

Not the fight yet, but the total lack of understanding for the children.....yeah just recently.

Porsche, keep to a solid Plan B right now, and keep being the best Dad you can be. Anything you say can and WILL be held against you in the home of your X. So it is best to say nothing at all. I have learned that lesson lately, and although I feel like they are gagging me, I also realise it causes me far too much stress trying to do battle with people who cannot see the wood for the trees.

You ARE the better parent.

How old are your kids?

Love and light,

Jacky

My kids are 11,11 and 8.

My xW is going to her Solicitor to progress Custody tomorrow at 9:30am. She called me to say that and that she expects the Children to be living with her by the Summer. She suggested that I think long and hard about taking the Child Benefits book away from her because I was bringing it on myself.

If I let her keep the Money she would not go for Custody.

Neil.

My! That threat ought to look real good to a Division of Child and Family Services? Any chance she put that in written form?

Hey Neil,

Not in your situation, but saw some info on www.dadsdivorce.com that might help you. Good luck. And, in spite of double-standards, women don't always get child custody.

Be strong.

Thanks but I am in the UK. We have a different process here. My xW should have been at her Solicitor's today deciding her approach for Custody.

It will take many months to resolve and probably won't even be heard until the late Summer. As if we haven't suffered enough the Kids are going to have to go through all this again. I am done though. I am not going to be treated like this anymore. I am so sick of the constant threats that I realise it has to be resolved.

She completely ignores what the Children are saying to her, is going to the School crying that I am cruel. Hell she has even got one of the Teachers saying that she should go for custody! So much for being unbiased. I am considering what to do about the Teacher at the moment after taking legal advice. I'm sure the Board of Governors would be none to impressed particularly after the Headmaster assured me they would not be involved or biased.

I think now that she has forced me to make my choice. I have spent 15months protecting her from harm to herself and now because I am trying to get my house in order she is not letting it go. She has the Divorce she wanted, she's on OM5 at the mo' and yet it's still not enough.

Neil.

Bumping up to let you know that we are into Court this Wednesday for the first Finances Hearing.

xW has apparently dropped the Custody Fight so that has relieved my daughters no end, they were very upset over this issue.

Latest problem is that xW told them Friday that as she doesn't have enough money she will have to move about half an hours drive away near to where she works (and also apparenetly where OM5 lives) in order to live with "friends". She told myself and the Children that she will not be able to see them during weekdays as it's too far away and won't be ale to see that on her scheduled weekends until after the financial settlement is completed. We have no idea why and the girls are rather upset and confused about this. I can't think of any reason why she can't see them other than she'll probably be living in OM5's house and doesn't want us to know that she's cohabiting.

Then later after all this she tells us she doesn't know what she is doing as her lawyer has advised her not to move away. So we are turned upside down almost all the time.

I keep looking forward to just one week of stability and it hasn't come yet, no wonder the girls are in turmoil as to what is happening.

I am hopeful for a quick financial settlement, I know the limit of what I can do and that's it. If she doesn't agree then it's back into court and let the judge rule at great cost to us both.

I was out shopping with the Girls on Sunday (food shopping) and spotted xW and OM5 out doing their shop. Kids ran over, I didn't look but it tore me up yet again.

I've had text messages from her that indicate some level of feeling, last was that she had lost me her best friend and soulmate, then I see something like this and it just wrecks me again even two months after DV. I see it as nothing more than lies, cheating and deceipt, just more manipulation. I suppose if all her words were true then she would be trying non-stop for family after all there was nothing to stop her coming home other than herself.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that the consistent behaviour has not been of one of recovery or even attempted recovery. It's been one of blame and justification of A's and Abuse. Well I'll always be there for her to blame so that's fine. I just worry about the role model my youngsters are seeing...

Best Wishes, Neil.

I don't have much in the way of advice but will be praying that things turn out better than you're expecting Neil. Keep on keeping on and one day it'll get easier...Good luck!

I too, have nothing I can add in the way of helpful advice, but I can let you know that I will hold you up in m prayers as well.

I have three daughters also, although they are all pretty much adults. The divorce process and the circumstances leading up to it, initiated by my H, has broken their hearts and left them hurt and disillusioned by the father they loved. I can fully appreciate your trying to keep as normal a life as possible for your girls.

As to your remark about being concerned about their "role model".....have no concern. They have you to look to! Best wishes.

Porsche - sorry to see that even after the divorce, your xW keeps pulling strings and tries to manipulate the kids, and through them - you. but by now you know the drill and should be well able to ignore it safely. dealing with children you are being jerked around & manipulated by their own mum (!) however is harder, I admit.
Just one word of caution - if it will come to a custody fight, be aware that there will only be one predictable outcome.... :-(

N

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Nick123:
<strong>if it will come to a custody fight, be aware that there will only be one predictable outcome...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes Nick I will win. I have an airtight case. I have already thoroughly investigated this. If you wanna chat off-MB drop me a line at jenz@btinternet.com

Best Wishes Neil.

Your xw thought probably that her life would be merry if she had her divorce. Wrongo. Now she wants still more and the kids. She is an unhappy woman imho.

I am praying for you.

Thanks all, the hardest thing is that we (the girls and I) are being jerked around over visiting. One minute she is after Custody the next not seeing them at all, it is very confusing for the children and myself. Needless to say we don't have much of a routine nor a life of our own.

It would be nice to settle into a routine where we knew where we were.

Neil.