Who would like to know how my day ended yesterday? Hmmm? Could it have gotten any worse after the non date thing?

Sure it could. Jethro calls me about son(only way I will talk with him) an informs me son is at pediatrician's office and is dx w/strep throat, severe ear infection and a bad flare up of reactive airway. Second time after visiting jethro that son is returned sick. He returns son and get this...walks to the door. I told him to not do that. Oh whatever, he is jethro...brain surgeon, double naught man of mystery, and talent scout...lol! He is all things to himself. And he EXPLAINS TO ME (last I checked I worked as a med professional?) how to administer my son's medicines to him. Duuuuuh. So I smiled and nodded at the door and just was non confrontational. Then an hour later he calls and tries to ask more about the medicine. I hear Ms. Family Values and her child (awake at almost 9 and he is two)in background and loudly. I get off phone quickly.

This morning is worse. He comes over as my job wouldn't let me off (eleven patients and one who was pending surgery if results from my testing went good). So Jethro tried to appear the nice guy and came and got son. I was very nice to him when he picked him up. Then a few minutes later, he calls again and asks me about son's medicines nd which ones he has taken...I told jethro what he had taken at the doorway ten minutes earlier. And then comes the fog rolling in....Outta left field he says, "quit being so st..." and he stops before stupid flies outta his mouth. He stops and says "you know, you could make a whole lot more money (250k or more) if you could just open your mind..I mean, you could deal with my business partner and not me and work referrals. You are ONE OF THE SMARTEST PEOPLE I'VE EVER KNOWN." (I actually quit medical field at jethro's request to be a sales rep for him with his company...left that to be a stay at home mom.) So I go from being f'in stupid to ONE OF THE SMARTEST PEOPLE HE'S EVER KNOWN. And then he says "I should just count the opportunities in front of me and be thankful for them." yea right. I am now in tears as I do not like engaging him on any level other than about son as I am in plan B. He still gets to me, how horribly he has changed and it does hurt.

So then I cry, yet somehow remaining composed, say "I am sorry you think I don't seize opportunities. It is just that I have always until last year been blessed by having been the one with my son and using what medical know how i've got to help him when he is sick. This kills me and I hate this whole thing. I can't believe you. And I work with those I trust."

Then after work I HAVE TO GO AND PICK UP SON AT JETHRO'S OFFICE. Office is about ten minutes from my job. I walk in and his partner says hello to me as does the two secreteries. He tells me to go upstairs with him to get my son. on the way upstairs he says "So did you have a good day? Were you swamped?" I was astounded. This is the man who has not asked me about my day in about two years. I am pleasant and say that I was unbelievably swamped and that I am taking off thursday to be with son so they overpacked my schedule today. He was strangely normalish, except for the shoes. Then he carried all of son's belongings out to my suv. He packed it in there and said "so where was the wreck?" I said, no wreck, this is all repairs on the same thing..(had a wreck last year and this is the third time they've had to fix the same problem.) He asks more about my suv and I say the truth" it is good and I've really enjoyed it but I cannot afford it and will be getting rid of it within six months." He is silent and doesn't say anything.

He says he has to tell me something. Son is already buckled in car seat.. He hands me some papers. Says how judge in old state found him and his old co. guilty of an old business problem and a huge judgement was entered against him. Says about how he may have to file bankruptcy. I inform him that child support and alimony are immune to bankruptcy. And he stops.

I had to stop typing. I will cut and paste what he IM's to me as of three minutes ago. He is being awful and cruel.

J [8:25 PM]: are you there
Me [8:26 PM]: yes.
J [8:26 PM]: still at the office and will be here until midnight thanks to you. i hope you enjoy the morning, because you will get a true understanding of the legal process and all of its surprises
Me[8:27 PM]: what are you incenuating
J [8:27 PM]: you will wish for the rest of your life that you would have just worked with me and would have accepted my offer 18 months ago at your dinning room table.
J[8:28 PM]: everyone I mean everyone gets screwed when aty's are involved.
Me [8:28 PM]: you have made things extremely difficult for our son and I. Doesn't this mean anything to you? How do you trust someone who betrayed everything that was dear to you? Be honest.
J [8:28 PM]: you don't seem to listen do you
Me [8:28 PM]: then tell. tell. what is it?
J [8:29 PM]: you'll see over the next several months. your about to see first hand who your aty's are out to serve.
J [8:30 PM]: they are going to do less for you than you could have just done for yourself. you trust a complete stranger you aty. see who gets it
J[8:30 PM]: you'll be paying there bills for the next three years or so.
Me [8:31 PM]: I just want to get on with life and not have us starve ok? The man I trusted most in the world was you until all of this happened. You could not honestly do this if the roles were reversed and you know it. I don't like the threats. Haven't your son and I been hurt enough? Quit being so cruel ok.
Me [8:32 PM]: Go ahead. Try to hurt me some more. You just know that I have a heart and a soul and you take advantage of that and always have. Think I want to go to court? Think I wanted any of this? You have got me all wrong.
J[8:33 PM]: use common sense for once in your life. hope you enjoy the education. I learned the hard way and now it's your turn. Just remember that from day one I told you this was going to happen and you didn't listen. It's not threats. you'll see tomorrow. the courts and atys. do not use common sense. it's not cruel, it's reality. see you in the morning and i truly hope that you will be able to sit down with Beau and be opened minded on the present and stop living in the past. You brought this all on. I want
J[8:34 PM]: ed a life apart from you. I wanted to be friendly parents with a common goal. I don't want to hurt you, i never did
J [8:34 PM]: I just wish you could have gone on without me.
J [8:35 PM]: good night, i have work to do shouldn't you be with your son instead of on the internet? I will be nice in the morning, please use the same
Me [8:35 PM]: I wish you could have stood up to a challenge and fought. Don't ever say you didn't want to hurt me. Your actions and selfishness speaks alot more than those words do. I never give up on anyone. Son is having a very difficult time after the albuterol. Makes him way to hyper to sleep right now. He is trying to unwind watching a movie after a warm bath. You know how it makes him feel.
Me [8:37 PM]: Oh and jethro remember I brought none of this on whatsoever. It has been from the very beginning all about you.
J [8:39 PM]: you can't fight for something you don't believe in, like, or love. I hate what we were together and could not raise a family with you. I disagree with most of the things you do and I honestly believe that you need proff. help beyond my capabilities. I do not mean to be mean, but you could never read between the lines. i do not and did not want a future with you. You did not and never did make me happy. all you ever cared about until michael came into the picture was yourself. I don't want to me criti
Me [8:40 PM]: And I am nice but tomorrow is just as hard as last time. Whether you knew it or not, I was crying before court in the ladies' room. I kept praying a little prayer for strength to myself and I could not look at you. This is too much hurt for anyone and to know our family ended up this way ...It has been so wrong.
J[8:40 PM]: ical. no one brought this on. we should have never been together in the first place.
J[8:41 PM]: we were never a family. we weren't

me [8:41 PM]: Whatever. and I guess that you never loved me either. It is all easy to say when life gets hard. And no, I am not beyond any help whatsoever. And we were a family. Quit lying.
J[8:42 PM]: good night peachy. I will pray for you tomorrow. I hope you do have the strength to look ahead and to use this as a building block instead of a bulldozer. I did love you Joey. wait
me [8:43 PM]: No you cannot love someone if you do not believe in them. You do not love your family if you do not stand up for them and be willing to walk through fire for them. And you knew I fought like hell and did love you...More than you could know.
j[8:44 PM]: you fought alright, but in all the wrong ways. bye
me [8:45 PM]: You love through good and bad times. Love them when they aren't being loving. You have faith. A family is a blessing and not something to be explained away or denied.
me [8:47 PM]: And again tonight you denied your family. Said we were never a family. Guess the times we prayed for our son and pulled for each other when he was so little and in the hospital was nothing huh? How I held in all my fears so that I could give you hope and not make you think that you should worry about him when I did rotations at the med in their neonatal inensive care unit and saw several ones his size not make it. I kept so much from you to be brave for you. And that is not a family?
j [8:49 PM]: My love for you was not the same as yours. I tried to make the best of a bad situation, but never saw even from the beginning a future. I'm sorry that I was not the man that you thought I was, but you were not the woman that I wanted you to be. Mother, Father, son. yes, but never a family. I love you as the mother of my son, but despise you as a person. i would never and could never be a friend to someone like you. You have such a selective memory its not even funny. I could sit and have hour l
j [8:51 PM]: long talks with monkeyho and am now able to do it with family values. These two woman, love and loved me for who I am, not someone they wanted me to be or was. I have no more to say. I will be giving your aty. tomorrow over 200 emails that I have kept. you should take the time to read them some day and see just how impossible you truly are
j [8:51 PM]: give them to your counselor, if she exists and see what she says. I dare you.
me [8:52 PM]: Explain it all away. Go ahead. And through it all you told me how you loved me. How we were going to have three kids. Guess they were all lies huh. And I believed them. I did and have always loved you. I guess I am the biggest fool of all. I do not despise you even after all of this. You never tried to do this. I wish you could have talked to me. You are being so damn cruel. Are you happy? Does this make you proud that you can deny me as a wife? I guess it was all a joke then.
me [8:53 PM]: Guess the whole thing was a joke. I tried like hell to get you to open up to me even during the monkeyho thing. I tried so hard. I was always willing. Go ahead and print off what you like. It if makes you feel important or proud.
me [8:56 PM]: You never even thought your wife was worth a good talk. Not for the last three years. Please quit. Aren't you done? Guess it must make you feel good to say these things to me knowing it will hurt me. Be proud of your adultery jethro. It sure is something to be proud of.
me[8:58 PM]: I will never be proud of the fact of divorce. It is a shame and is something I only sought with great sadness. I will never say such things to you. I am sorry. I have to go. I knew you once. And I loved who you were. I don't wish to continue. I am not going to cry anymore.


I am devastated. Printed this off too. Just like he says he did. And I do say the same things. I will never validate him or his issues. For any BS's here, this is classic fog talk and it is easily identifiable. I am just sorry that I am such a worthy candidate for this kinda learning.

Am still crying and clicked off. He is so lost. Guess in the IM he admits he is STILL SEEING MONKEYHO AND FAMILY VALUES AT SAME TIME. Says the both love him (present tense). I can read into his stuff and already thought that he had cheated on family values with monkeyho a few weeks back. Geez. So twisted now.

And in changing our email addy's, I re read it briefly and am glad I said what I did. I just wonder what his copying 200 emails will have to do with contempt or failing to provide documents when legally compelled to? This isn't the divorce trial. It is about his non payment and his failure to give me the documents about financial status so we can reach a fair settlement. I am not going to be bullyed anymore. I was going to consider before this, because of his civil behavior this afternoon, of calling off the restraining order, but now know that I cannot have any contact at all with him. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

He doesn't deserve any more tears from me. I was a good wife. I was faithful. He just wanted more. More women I guess.

Peach,

Sending you a cyber hug. You know the routine.

I am sorry for his painful words. It is him speaking tho, no doubt about it. But even to the outsider, it is mighty confusing.

I am trying to be objective and not take sides. But to the 'normal' unattached viewer, he is way off base. If he makes these kinds of decisions in other parts of his life, I pity who he comes in contact with. But that is just an unbiased observation.

Tomorrow, you take care of yourself. Hope the little one gets better. This flu stuff is bad.

take care,
L.

Peachy, You are playing his game. You are talking to him on IM. You are giving him the 'key' to walk into your house, in a cyber-way, and beat you up.

Why don't you block him from your IM or refuse to respond to him?

Why do you think I don't want to turn on my answering machine? It's a key for him to come in and rough me up. And I don't need that.

Next time J asks if you are there, IGNORE HIM!!!!!

(((((((((( NPIGA )))))))))

Those were VERY hurtful things he was IMing you. Why did you let him? I guess I can answer that one for myself, from when I was there (in my situation).... sometimes, we just get carried away in it all.

The RO is a good idea. Changing email addresses, perhaps even phone numbers, might be wise too. It all depends on the final outcome of the family court issues.

I haven't seen or spoken to my H in over 3 MONTHS now!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I can hardly believe it's been that long. But it's been FANTASTIC! In my case, I have no idea where he lives, I don't know his cell phone number (the only phone he has to my knowledge), I don't know what he's up to... nor can I find out any of that information... nor do I want to at this point!

The distance is what is needed in order to regain composure, and more importantly, SANITY!

Yes, your H spoke nothing but fogese. How I pity him. But if he truly believes he is happy, then let him. You can't change that anyways. You just need to mourn the loss, and move on with your head held high. We all know your loved him, and tried your best to save the M. One day, he might even realize it too.

Karen

You're so right when you say "classic fog talk". He is so off base and rambling and desperately trying to justify everything, he can barely keep up with what just came out of his mouth.

You do need to block him, not respond to him. I'm sorry that you have to deal with him at all right now, but with your son involved, I know you have no choice. The less contact you have, the less chance he has to "beat you down".

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, keeping you in my prayers. This will be over some day soon for you I hope.

Peachy, I kid you not.

Block his IMs

Let your answering machine pick up and record calls if you have the type machine that uses microcasettes. For times when x is crazed, I wouldn't have a digital machine.
Don't respond to him on IM if you choose not to block him. Or change your IM name and use something he won't pick up on.

Get a microcassette player/recorder you can put in your lab coat pocket when you have to talk to him in person. AND USE IT.

As much as I hate to say it, you are giving him keys to come into your house and rough you up. DO NOT ENGAGE THIS MAN.

If you get a restraining order, be sure you understand your rights and privileges and responsibilities.

And learn how to hang up when he calls. If you aren't yet strong enough to hang up on him, learn to put the phone down and let him talk to the air. I can't tell you how many times I've done that.

I can't change email b/c I am searching for another job so I can have more financial security for son and not have to commute over an hour and a half in the morning. (got job first then house and very quickly). I didn't understand am's in Atlanta.

And I will not answer any more IM's. He had lulled me into a false sense of security after being somewhat decent today about son. I should not have listened. Usually if he IM's I click off. Tonight I did not. My fault. And RO is probably best but learning boundaries is best for that and I have to know what is allowed regarding kid drop offs and such as to my not violating my own RO against him.

Son is still coughing and was so restless tonight. But I am the really restless one. And j, is going to be the loser. He is now obviously juggling two women now and unable to get a grip on his own life and get a balance. I am glad in a wierd way I had these last words about the whole thing b/c I have a pretty clear conscience. His words don't make much sense as when he started seeing monkey, we were attempting child no. 2. He is saying what makes him feel better. And if he says something enough, like the silly sales motivational tapes he always listened to, then he will believe it. But not my problem.

I just want to be a lady tomorrow. I will do that. I will pray my verse "Therefore put on the full armor of God so that when the day of evil comes you may be able to stand your ground; and after having done everything to stand." I will do it just as last time. He will not see me cry. I am too proud for that. I am not going to talk to him or engage whatsoever. This is about son and I tomorrow. Our surviving and doing ok. About getting jethro to produce financial documents. And has nothing whatsoever to do with 200 emails or whatnot. Just not relevant. I have to do as Dr. Phil says to do in life strategies (which I am re reading now...good for healing and inner work and getting tough). He says that one should take the emotion out of a difficult situation. Remove that and look at the situation. Look at it for what it is. It is a mess, but one that my stbx, very stbx got himself entangled in and he chose to sacrfice his family as he knew it for his own gain. But he is out for himself and that is ok. I am glad that I am not either monkeyho (who's baaaaack) or family values at all. Screeeeech! Can you say a catfight in the making there? I am staying outta that.

Thank you for wanting to pray for us, son and I tomorrow. And please remember that we will be there at nine am (eastern time). I am going to stand. I am going to succeed for my son. I am going to have justice for my family, my son and I. That is my family. Numbers don't count. If it is two, or three or ten. It doesn't matter. We are loving and strong. My son and I. I will walk through fire for him. I have already. I will fight for his best interests always.

I did fight a good fight for my marriage. I did a good job. But there was no chance because he was not willing to give up his ways. To give up his wants. To put others before himself. No. And to read the stuff tonight even for a second time made me see just that he has spiraled downward much farther than I had thought.

This was never about me and him. Nope. It was about his perceiving me as a "thing'. Like a car he upgrades every three years with lease term. When real life started, he didn't like it. Just like when he questioned about my truck today, he was probably wondering why I was still driving it if it had to be worked on a few times. I wasn't new anymore. And I had a child. Sure the weight thing is temporary and is gone (think Catherine Zeta Jones for example). Life wasn't spontaneous after having a preemie. And fact life is very confining with a small baby who is susceptible to colds and infections twice as much as a normal infant. When our son was one and a half, he caught a respiratory virus and was hospitalized. I used connections and my bro in law (surgeon) to get us seen asap at pediateic ER. Jethro had gone out of town to visit his "grandmother" in LA and had decided on spur of moment (as per his parents when I called) to go to New Orleans. I remember calling for over eight hours straight to try to reach him and let him know his baby was hospitalized and where we were. He was unreachable and came home right before we were discharged. He, as I know now, was with first OW. It is so clear now to me. Like a bolt outta the blue.

Pray hard. Pray for justice and strength. Pray for deliverance from the financial burdens that have hurt my son and I for four months now. It is over 9,400 that is owed now. Pray for peace. Pray that my heart is guarded and that I am the woman God would want me to be: brave and loving for my son.

God WILL give me justice. I am firm. My resolve is firm. Ok jethro...let's roll.

Peachy,

Take care hon. Do your best to continue on today. I am sure it will be hard.

I fell asleep early last night snuggling with my boys. Sorry I didn't contact you. Awakened about 4am ready to go. Guess that is what happens when you fall asleep at 9pm. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am praying for you.

I am praying for you, dear sweet peachy. (I got your email, btw, thanks) Don't worry, I feel it will be okay. What possible good can his 200 emails do when the issue is about him not paying child support?

The man is off his rocker, and just like mine. It is SCARY how our men are so alike!!!!

Love and light,

Jacky

Peachy, God bless you and your son. I know you will be strong today. Don't let this person continue to tear apart your memories. It is emotional abuse. I loved your comeback on bankruptcy.

Peachy, you can block his IMs - there's a little program feature in every type of IM that allows you to block someone. You must not let him have access to you.

His little IM assault last night was specifically to destroy you emotionally for today - it is war for him; and you must be prepared for it. I know that by now, you're already in court so my prayers are with you right now that you will be strengthened; that your armor is strong, and that Darth (I won't call him Jethro because that's a name pinned on him by another unworthy-of-Peachy male) gets the merciful justice that is a natural consequence for the unrepentent wicked.

((((((HUGS))))))

Peachy,

As others have advised .. BLOCK HIS IM's.

His cyber attack on you was because he is very worried regarding the pending legal battle ahead of him, not just with you, but also his former company's possible bankruptcy. He's sweatin bullets and wants you to do the same. Don't bite!

The old misery likes company cliche'.

His problems are being piled on high, and he wants to blame everyone else, esp BS .... unfortuntely very typical WS behavior.

He so would love it if you'd just behave yourself and do want HE WANTS .... again DON'T BITE.

Plan B, Peachy. NO MORE CONTACT other than regarding son Honey, okay?

Lv,
Jo

<small>[ April 02, 2003, 12:46 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

((((((((peachy))))))))))))))))

You'll do fine in court.
Here's a cough remedy (I know you're a medical professional, but this has no drugs in it)

3-2-1 Cough Syrup

3 Tablespoons Honey
2 Tablespoons clear vegetable oil
1 Tablespoon lemon juice

mixed together. Add drops of hot water to help mix it.

WARNING: BECAUSE OF BOTULIN IN HONEY, DO NOT GIVE TO BABIES YOUNGER THAN 12 MONTHS. THEIR SYSTEMS CANNOT HANDLE HONEY. (I THINK CORN SYRUP WOULD MAKE A GOOD SUBSTITUTE.)

Again, good luck. You'll do fine.

Hi peachy, how did it go? How are you feeling? Thank you for the picture, check your email, I sent you something too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I hope evertyhing went really well for you. We are all thinking about you.

{{{peachy}}}

Hope all went well for you today. Block the booger's IMs. The man just wants you to get riled up before court, my ex did the same every time a court date rolled around.

Lets just hope he was full of empty threats and you and your attorney prevailed with some justice.

Lori

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{MILLIONS OF HUGGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

My heart, prayers, compassion are for you, with you and beside you as we walk along the trenches. I don't wish to sound condscending in any manner. I have heard that similar script, almost word for word from my STBHX, sends electric current up my spine.

Indeed put on the full armor-- Shields of faith UP. Protect your heart as he has no light,truth or LOVE in him!

Queen of darts to the left and the Queen of spades right by his side. His hand is certainly weak and his card house is crumbling.

Blind man bluff and trying to create holding pattern with the emails, photos, etc to distract you and trying to make you lose your confidence. Sounds like he is a real gamer.

If my two bits are worth anything don't look at the cards (women) he's bluffing or his crafty dealings with. The legal system will see it to that it's a fair deal and will keep things straight.

Keep your eyes on his hands, to get past the illusions he's trying to create and you will see a very lost frightened and wounded little boy.

Stand firm Sweety Pie just remember you have the most Royal Flush highest cards in your hand/heart, truly the most unbeatable hand in the universe.

His intimdation tactics are all coming from a place of fear. Seems he is using all the pyschological warfare headgame tacts he can muster to take you down, break you down, keep you down.

Starve fear with FAITH!

Greater and more powerful is love than lust...

Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world...

Earnestly, it sounds like we all really need to pray for him! I have started now!

Keep playing hearts honey, with all your love, intergity, honesty, goodness, respect and kindness!

Receive all his love from upabove and of course rest,rest, rest! As it is HE who will fight the battle for us!!

oooxxxooo

BIG HUGZ TO YOU PEACHY, AND YOUR LITTLE ONE <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
DEFINATELY STOP TALKING TO THE CREEP, HE DEFINATELY HAD EVERY INTENTION OF UPSETTING YOU FOR TODAY, THAT IS WHY HE DID IT.

TRY TO STOP ALL COMMUNICATION, WELL, AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE WITH HIM. THAT IS WHAT I HAD TO DO WITH MINE, THRU OUR DIVORCE.

THE LONGER I WENT WITHOUT ANY CONTACT (EXCEPT FOR HIM PICKING UP THE KIDS AND DROPPING THEM OFF), EVERYTHING SEEMED TO GET BETTER.

HOPE EVERYTHING WENT WELL, IF YOU NEED TO EMAIL ME OR CHAT, blwooff@charter.net.

hugz,
becky

Hey Peach,

Howa doing?

L.