Maybe you all could help me with a problem I am havinge with my H. He would like to persue friendships with other women. He would like to have the freedom to share various activities with her or hang out at her house. He claims that he is only looking for friendships, not an affair and I need to have faith in his committment to our marriage and family. I need to believe that he is a mature adult and has the ability to step out of the relationship if feelings start ot get more intense.<BR> I think he is naive to think that a relationship like this can be purely innocent. The only boundary he has set is no touching and has no close male friend to go to if he starts to struggle. I think this is dangerous and destructive to our marriage. When I express this, he tells me I am controlling and want to put him in a box. That I have no faith in our committment to each other.<BR> He has also lied about such a relationship in the past. Counseling has only brought us as far as admitting that he hurt me and is sorry. He still feels that I am making am unreasonable request. <BR> I really don't know what to think anymore. Should I accept that he will go out on "dates" and pretend it doesn't hurt. Do I need to get over this and try to trust him? or Do I take a firmer stant with some one who thinks I am wrong. <BR> Thanks for listening, I don't know I this is the proper place to post this question, but I thought I'd try.<BR>Any advice would be helpful. Thanks Ro Marie

TRUST YOUR FEELINGS...you are right!

Ro Marie:<P>You need to put a stop to this. He's talking like my H did a few years ago. Our marriage is essentially dead and over, after a year of unsuccessful counseling. He kept up contact with his "friend" on the sly, mostly by using his cell phone. He got emotionally knotted up with her. <P>Your H says the same things my H said to me to force me to tolerate the situation. Feel free to read my posts. <P>It's too late for me. But you can help yourself. Pay for counseling with one of the Harleys and if you can't afford that, scope out the Plan A, Plan B sites and stuff about affairs. <P><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Ro Marie;<P>You really need to read the thread on the Emotional Needs section entitled "H's friendship with mutual "friend" - need help" It is a dead ringer for what you are describing!<P>In my opinion, no, a man and a woman can NOT have a friendship outside of marriage. If you read the thread I mentioned above you will see that I am the "other woman" in an Emotional Affair with a man that shared your husand's view of cross gender friendships. <P>Please encourage him to read the thread also. It may save both of you a great deal of emotional pain in the future.<P>C & I

remember...the needs he has from women are needs your marriage would benefit from if he asked you to fulfill them instead of another woman.<P>my husband took a secret friend. He found a woman that was in a situation that made her volnerable. She was so greatful for his attention and the wonderful guy he was to her that she fell in love. She fulfilled all his needs of attention and admiration...but it was an infactuation level that couldn't last much longer than the 1 year+ of the 'affair'. <P>There are obviously things another woman can give him. For my husband it was an acceptance of unacceptable behavior. I couldn't give him permission to be hurtful and do selfish things, but she could. <P>It's not good...trust your gut.<BR>