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Joined: Oct 2001
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Like my sign off, God did grant us justice. I want to thank you for the prayers. From the very bottom of my heart the prayers. I will tell you about the little reminder of God's presence in the very courtroom but that is later.

I am so emotionally hurt and spent after today that I feel physically sick. Will tell about it and then am signing off to try to just get over today. Much worse than I thought it would be, as my stbx is so much farther away, farther down and farther away from God than I had even imagined.

Entered courtroom and before court, he tried to talk to me. Asked if son was ok, made small talk, and had a huge suitcase in hand with financial documents b/c we were going to get them forcibly if he did not bring them today. Main order was the contempt of the temporary order regarding child support.

The courtroom is the county seat in a small southern town. Very Mayberry meets John Grisham. People are nice there. Walked in and entire courtroom was packed. Called out entire order of day. Docket so full it would be a two day affair. First heard were uncontested cases. The judge sent out all contested cases to mediate or work until trial time about two hours later. We were second contested trial on docket thankfully. Jethro's attorney during this time attempted to meet with me and my attorneys to say Jethro "had no money and his business was hurting". And could I get by on 2k until mediation. No sir. He owes us for three montths and our fourth month of child support is due by 4/7. His attny looked at me and asked if I was ok with that and I said no, he's lying. My attorney said that this was not acceptable and that we would be continiung this matter in court soon.

We are called up. Jethro takes stand. The whole time, His attny tries to make his case for something close to a modification, BUT THAT WAS NOT THE ISSUE AND HIS CLIENT WAS IN VIOLATION OF THE STANDING ORDER HE HAD HONORED FOR OVER A YEAR. He tried to show how Jethro's business was failing because of SEC/financial regulations and how he had faithfully (him faithful to anything?) paid his child support and alimony until Jan. of this year when HE COULD NOT AFFORD TO DO SO. Jethro even said, " I have always taken care of my wife and my child." Hmmm. Before the trial when our attorneys were hashing stuff out and trying to reach an agreement before seeing judge, Jethro gave the financial docs to my attorneys and after our refusal, they got down to reading them. IT WAS DAMNING.

Jethro gave us his defeat. He handed it to us hidden within a stack of papers about a foot deep. He also did btw, bring all emails, etc. to attempt to show me as being "unstable." Yea right. I had not personally seen the docs from his account (and still joint which I didn't know about) from Jan. to present. He is not living life like a poor man struggling to keep a business afloat. After his exclamation of how he has been good at paying, my attorney comes at him with "Mr. Jethro, did you send this email to Mrs. Jethro in December notifying her that you are having financial difficulties?" He said yes. Then she fired away with "On Jan. 1 to your account was billed 400 to a luxury hotel downtown Atl for New Years' Suite. And the next week you spent 900 on men's clothes and 250 at Bebe's (woman's high dollar shop) and 1000 at a very exclusive nightclub. In fact, several nights a week it showed he was out partying. And expensively. He even admitted he was giving $$$ to a friend who has a record company to help finance rap groups. Hence the disco clothes and change in verbage and lifestyle. No offense to rap lovers though. And then next is when I first cried. "Mr. Jethro, and in Feb., you had a 150 bill for Valentine's flowers and 250 to Victoria's Secret. (I started crying then, tears just ran down my face). The amounts were staggering...Thousands on mens clothes. Drinking. And living la vida loca like I thought he was.

Then they called me to the stand. His attorney attempts to rough me up a bit and deliver a hard line of questioning to me. He starts out on "how much do you make...Is it 50k a year?". I reply that it nothing near that after taxes. That maybe I pull in 2500 a month. After taxes. Then he goes on about Jethro's hummer which was actually in my name and in his company's name. I say that it was Jethro's vehicle and that he made every payment and he got a personalized tag for it "to die for" on back. People around court including the court reporter, baliff roll eyes during all the discoveries. Groans were heard from the courtroom as my attorney delivered shock after shock about his playboy lifestyle. Anyway, I said that before last year I was a stay at home mom and could have never afforded a hummer on my own and that was never thought to be the situation. Hummer repo'd at Jethro's house last month. Then he fired away at me about if Jethro had always paid the house rent. I say yes, but that he had implied and had me worried a few times because of his comments (evident and shown in emails). He then asks if Jethro had always paid son's school and I say that I am unsure of date but last year for two months, he did not pay and I did and that was additional 600 each mo. that was hard to come by. Then attorney fires at me about some financial documents that I don't remember signing or seeing in years. I look at my attorneys for help as I don't know what to say and do not want to say anything untrue under oath. So he fires question at me again as though I am stupid. I am crying right now and getting angry. Tears are falling down my face. I say that and say loudly and fervently "I let Jethro make the financial decisions. I trusted him. In fact, towards the last few months we were together, he had the joint credit card bills sent to his office instead of our home because HE DIDN'T WANT ME TO SEE WHAT WAS IN THERE." Attorney says something about my knowing and turns to dismiss me and looks away from me. I am angry beyond belief and do not stop. I say, "That's a lie." His attorney turns and says that I was not asked to respond. And I say, "It is a lie what you said". He says something smart and I reply with a firm NO. Judge doesn't even stop me or tell me to quiet down or anything.

We dismiss for lunch. I go to eat with my attorneys. We actually have a nice girls' talk and my male attny goes to eat w/guys to do good ole' southern politickin'. He has several cases today btw.

We reconvene. And they see again a few more quick uncontested matters before we start up again. I am sitting behind the court area in the first row. And suddenly I see it. I had been praying before I went in my little verse about the armor of God. And I see carved into the backside of the wood railing the symbol of my faith. The fish. At that very moment I realized that I was not alone. That I had some power because some friends and loved ones were indeed praying today. Thank you. I felt it then.

We move to the big desk for trial. I am resting, kinda swirling when a thought comes into my head...Earlier Jethro had mentioned that he had started having financial problems with his business beginning in October and that led to now. And I remembered that he went with Ms. Family Values to St. Lucia in December and I ASKED FOR THE OCT., NOV., AND DEC. BANK RECORDS AND A HIGHLIGHT PEN. Attny gives it. IT IS THE PIECE D RESISTANCE. In it my heart sinks. I find money for 2 plane tickets with no destination or other information, find out he's gone to south beach again and plopped down a grand or two while night club hopping there and staying at the Marlin hotel. I find that HE WENT TO LAS VEGAS AND SPENT IN NOV. ABOUT 11000. And I find out more trips, more money, and in december, he spent 11 GRAND ON FURNITURE. That was why he couldn't pay me in january. My heart is sick now. I see before me in plain black and white bar tabs, expensive dinners, gifts, and trips. I remember that I had to save for a month and a half for my son's toys at Christmas. I was so frightened and scared because the meager amount he had been giving me hadn't gone that far. And he was lying all the time.

When this is brought up, Jethro is asked and tries to dodge this time. About plane tickets? He can't remember where he went or who he went with. And said that he didn't remember much of the debits or checks written with high amounts or of wire transfers of large amounts of money in and out of the account.

While looking at him, I tear up again. JETHRO LOOKS AT ME AND WINKS. Gasps go up from the courtroom at his behavior. The judge looks really mad and the court reporter's mouth drops a mile at this.

We are awarded the amount of 6 Grand. Not the whole eight, but six as that he hasn't paid me April yet and that includes april. I hang my head. A "yea" is heard audibly in the courtroom when the verdict is handed down by judge. He then goes on to say that although he found it commendable that Jethro did pay well for a while, he believes Jethro has issues being ingenuous (I think that is how it's spelled but it means that he is a LIAR) and that he is lacking in good judgement. More murmurs are heard and some laughs as judge slams Jethro.

I am hanging my head even after I win. I am not proud of this. I never wanted this to happen. But one really great thing did happen other than financially. First of all, Jethro had to place his hand on a Bible. He had to look at the Bible. And then as time progressed, his life unfolded for over a hundred people in a standing room only court. And he got mean looks throughout from the audience. His secrets and lies were revealed. His facade was forever shattered as a good husband and father. I even said at one point (sometimes I am blurry about a few areas that I didn't mention because I guess of stress) but that I had "worried about son and what he was seeing and living around at his father's home". It all came out. You cannot live like a playboy, literally like a playboy and not pay consequences. And maybe to him we weren't a family but today I fought for my tiny one. When he admitted these truths about his finances, purchases, and trips, during second half of trial, tears again flowed down as I looked him dead in the eyes as he spoke.

He cannot hide in sin anymore. His actions and lack thereof have been exposed to light of day. And even if I go into mediation with him and it is settled out of court with "irrevokable breakdown" being outcome, there is a document that will exist that shows he committed adultery, lied, and treated his family poorly. I have my vindication.

What was so sad was when the "Victoria's Secret" lingerie purchase near Valentine's day was mentioned, there were "uhh noo" heard in court throughout. It was FULLY UNDERSTOOD THAT HE WAS COMMITTING ADULTERY. That came out today and that was good.

He can't get his way outta this one. He has to pay me this month before the seventh and has ten days to pay rest or JETHRO WILL BE WEARIN' ORANGE. WILL GO TO JAIL. And he HAS A RECORD THAT IS PERMANENT THAT HE WAS IN CONTEMPT OF COURT WITH REGARD TO CHILD SUPPORT.

When I exited the courtroom, it was ABSOLUTELY SURREAL. Like a prize fight or something. Total strangers said things like "a pretty girl like you should never cry over that man again" and "you gave him hell" and "God bless you" and "Be strong for your baby". They would pat me on the arm, back, and give me the thumbs up sign. And the final thing was the baliff followed me out and stopped me at the door and said "I know this was hard, but God knows. Our judge knows God and I know the judge as a man. This kinda crap will not stand. I sure would like to have our sherrifs escort you out to your vehicle little lady to make sure this jerk doesn't bother you in any way. If you have one ounce of trouble out of him, call us and let our office know. We will make sure you will be safe from now on." I teared up again. Attorneys ended up escorting me out and sheriff did to the door. I thanked them. My attorney said she had never witnessed in all her years and also did my other attorney such an outcry of anger about a case, especially a civil divorce case ever before.

I cried all the way to pick up son at school. Son is still sick and they put him in a special place to play today (he didn't have fever though) until I came to get him.) He is a bit better but am staying home tomorrow with him. Got him early today from school. I am totally numb. I am hurt worse than ever. I guess I wanted to in some way cling to the thought that Jethro was really having trouble. Tht there was something redeemable about him. And I saw all the lies firsthand for myself. They never stopped just because my son and I moved out. He has changed and is consumed by greed and hedonism now. I hurt for him.

God I pray will use today to bring him to his knees. If only God could reach him somehow. Show him how destructive and volatile his lifestyle is. I could probably from today alone get full custody. I am already primary and may do that. May also ask about getting a drug toxin screen for Jethro, as he is partying way too much and how can a person, a grown man spend over a thousand dollars at a club? I never even knew anyone in college that partied that much. And he is almost 35 and is living wilder than he did in his twenties. Suspicion was confirmed when I found that the weekend he went home to old hometown in TN that he went to casino's there that weekend and stayed there. That's where he stayed with Ms. Monkeyho and my girlfriends said that she wasn't at home that weekend and did not see her vehicle (best friends live within five min. of Monkeyho)thus she was probably there with him at casino. He was there for a business trial and stayed at a suite in a flashy casino. Drinking, partying, unable to account for money, and gambling. I suspect probably yet I hope not, drugs. That's the calling card and I DAMN HOPE I AM WRONG HERE. I HOPE I AM PROVED WRONG.

He is spiraling out of control and it is so plain with only thing required being the reading of his bank records.

Thank you so much. Your prayers helped so much and I did feel them. The truth is supposed to set you free, but I feel so heartbroken now. Like I finally realize that my marriage could have never been helped. I did a damn good plan A and still doing good plan B. I did all I could and tried like hell. But how can you compete with this lifestyle? How can you expect someone to even want to work on a marriage if they are this far from their faith?

I am going to go and play with son. He wants me to make him a corndog.

Oh, and I never knew how the financial fears had gripped me until when after I got son we went grocery shopping. I bought what I needed. Hadn't done that for weeks. Usually left out anything I wanted and got everything for son. I remember feeling a gripping, searing fear rip through me as I pushed down the aisles. Then I had to remind myself that I will have two thousand two hundred dollars more to supplement my income this month. That I can (of course not overboard) buy our food. No more fear that I will not have any money left after buying groceries. No fear that I won't be able to get enough food for my son. None of that for a while anyway.

I never realized how this fear had ruled my life and what a horrible burden it was on me freezing so many aspects of my life and rendering me frozen, unable to deal with some of it. Maybe this week I can get proactive again with the financial planning and tackle the bills finally. It feels strange to be able to breathe again. And then it dawns on me. What Jethro has to pay me, my HUGE DAMAGES AWARD OF SIX GRAND,, is been less than JETHRO HAS SPENT IN ONE WEEKEND lately.

I felt this all because I was able to spend $108 on groceries.

[Teary] [Teary] [Teary]

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Dear Peach,

Just read this after I posted to you on the other thread. Hon, I am almost in tears. What you wrote was more moving than any novel I read. You truly have a hidden talent.

Life's reality lessons can sure hit hard. You did fine. I am soooo proud of you. [Wink]

$$ is just one type of measurement. The place where he fell is something $$ can't cover. He lost his dignity and respect today in front of strangers. No longer are you alone in this thought. He is viewed by others more dangerous than you ever imagined. The fact that they wanted to protect you, shows how dangerous he has become.

Your sincerity also showed through. This is good.

Please take care.

L.

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{{{{{{{{{Peachy}}}}}}}}}

Big hugs to ya kiddo! What a horrible day, but you were a trooper and the truth came out. Take the night off and be with your son, just relax and breathe. So proud of you, and darn glad the justice system in GA seems to be better than here in CA.

Lori

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Peachy,

I agree with Orchid, you could be a writer - awsome account of what happened today. Justice is served in so many ways. Keep your head high, you deserve goodness in your life.

God is good and prayers do work. Keep focusing on the good and it will be yours.

Blessings,

D.

PS Thank you for posting that - i needed to hear it. I had been leary of going to court but I also live in small town USA and if the people heard what WH has spent money on (much like your stbx) they wouldn't like him at all.

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{{{{{{{{{{peachy}}}}}}}}}}}}

Ditto what everyone else said, yours was a very moving account. Good job sticking up for yourself and your son!

Given that my personal experience makes me suspicious of behavior such as your H's, I wouldn't be at all surprised if drugs and/or alcohol and/or other addictions (sex, gambling) were part of the problem. When you suddenly start seeing the symptoms of personality disorder in someone who didn't have them before, think drugs and/or alcohol.

My H also did all that crazy spending. Fortunately, with a good corporate lawyer, I was able to cut him off after he spent $20,000 in one month on our business American Express card, which itemizes all purchases - including several expensive guitars, lots of CD's (since OW, his tastes have turned almost exclusively to rap, too), and many purchases at the hard core sex shop in the nearest city.

I just met with my new lawyer for the first time today. Unlike GA, CA is a no-fault state and my H's behavior and spending habits are irrelevant to the divorce. But, I'm so happy that you were vindicated. You represented all of us today who've tried and failed and been blamed and maligned by fogged in WS's. Thank you for that!

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Darn it, that's twice in one day I cried, just from reading something on the web. (The first time was when I read about Jessica Lynch's rescue.)

What on earth has happened to my masculine dignity?

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I cried when I read your post, it is absolutely unbelievable what this man is willing to put you and your precious son through. For that lifestyle - beyond my comprehension.

I am glad you had the strength and courage to see the day through. May God continue to hold you in the palm of His hand. Rest well.

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Peachy,
Sending virtual hugs and prayers to you and your family. I am tearing up at work reading this. Although virtual, the strength of the friendships and prayers on this site are real.
God bless you and your son, and your whole family.
I pray that I don't need to go to court like that, but if I do, I hope that I can be as strong as you are.

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oh peach you are the biggest inspiration to me. My heart goes out to you and your son. You are strong and God is holding you tightly right now and helping you through this. You are in my thoughts and prayers...you have done it girl, feel proud that you are what God is wanting you to be. Many hugs

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{{{{{{{peach}}}}}}}

I am so sorry you had to go through this ordeal. Like others have said, your strength and reaction under the circumstances has show me the kind of class I need as my final hearing date approaches. Best to you. [Smile]

HoFS

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YOU DID IT!!! What's that ol' saying, if you can feel pain you are still alive!

What your stbx evolved into is not part of your identity but it feels like it doesn't it? I've also been in a court room listening to someone I took vows with lie through his teeth, over and over. OUCH, OUCH, OUCH!!!

This has been a note taped to my computer to remind me EVERY DAY since coming to Marriage Builders (where I first saw it):

"Tough times don't last, tough people do".

Time will heal. Healing takes time.

One more thing before I go. When you and Peoplepleaser meet up with Lost Husband in Altanta, I'll be there with you in spirit!

By the way, Bill lives 171 miles due south of where I live, give or take 14 miles. He's from Kansas, he's harmless!!! [Big Grin]

HAVE FUN! Chin up! [Wink]

Gayle

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Peachy - I am glad that you made it throught the day - and that the truth has come out in the open - though however painful - the reality of it was for you... At least you know that you were right - and that no matter what he tried to do to you - you stood your ground and you were liberated... I want to say - It will all be over with soon - and you will be able to move on with your life and be happy - without any regrets... You are the victor in this horrible situation and you and your son - will be fine - Stay Strong --- And don't let him bother you - don't let him in your mind, heart or door - [Smile] Mimi

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quote:
Originally posted by Ragamuffin:


"Tough times don't last, tough people do".

Amen, I’ve got a couple things taped around my desk but a couple really stand out.

“I asked God to send me his friends…. He sent you.” Which is definitely how I feel about the people I’ve met on this site. So many tears, so much pain, so much laughter, so many smiles, and so much love.

“Even the good shall be made to suffer for a while” That’s one of them there bible quotes. Peachy, I pray that your suffering time is drawing to an end. In the mean time, may our Lord shelter you and your son under His wing until the storm passes.

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Peachy,
I like to check in with you on occasion and I just want to say that you are a good and strong woman. Remember our southern girl hero "Scarlet" and raise your head up and say "with God as my witness, I will never go hungry again"!!! Good things will come your way very soon. You go girl.

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God bless you and your family.

Stay Well.

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Dear Peach,

What a great account. I would have given anything to have my exH go through that experience. Unfortuneately, my lawyer threw in the towel the day before the trial.

I am glad to hear that someone got to do it....You did GREAT!!! Pat


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