I am a WS. I chose to cut off all contact with OM immediately. I have had a few thoughts about him...not very nice most of them. In my situation, yeah, I made a stupid choice but I also was victimized by this "collector" of women. My husband calls him a gigolo--get money, nice house to visit, pretend you have a second family, find out he's a liar and thief and reminiscent of childhood abuser.<P>Anyhow, I have really behaved in avoiding contact. I do have awful temptation to phone and not say anything..just to find out if he still lives in same place. That's dumb, I know and I am very proud that I have not stooped that low. But is that part of withdrawal? Is it a natural process.<P>Once years ago I did a "tv fast" where for 2 weeks I watched absolutely no tv (except when my brother and I visited a Planet Hollywood for lunch-it just about drove me to distraction!) I kept having what I would call "spiritual burps" where some risque scene or even just a commercial would come to mind and then go. Are these thoughts similar? In that I am working hard to put the past behind and clear my mind of thoughts of him? <P>Am I horrible for feeling satisfied that he quit his job (we work for same denomination but different depts and I am a pastor-he is not) and that his trying to exploit sick benefits was exposed? I don't feel hatred per se but deeply peaceful to know he lost something-I risked all to confess and have faced consequences, emotional rollercoaster, etc and my whole life is in an uproar along with my family, etc.<BR>I just needed to know he suffered somehow too.<P>My h forbade me to pray for him as that might evoke kind thoughts and neither of us want that.<P>Sorry for venting too but hope it helped explain my question somewhat. Thanks for any ideas/advice.<P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start

This may sound really dumb, but I have two suggetions for you first GO BUY A BALOON WRITE HIS NAME ON IT THEN LET IT GO. Second Pray for him to get everything you want for you, this sounds hard but it does work hope you get thru this<P>RidenSober

RidenSober,<P>I LOVE the balloon idea!<P>I wish I could pray for him but my husband is afraid it will evoke kind thoughts on my part. There is absolutely no fear of my going to back to him. I am very clear that it was an abusive relationship and he never loved me--I am not even bitter about this now. I know it's right to bless your enemies and turn the other cheek. Now that I am inching toward a clearer mind and healing is beginning, I really do not wish him ill. I hope in time my H will let me pray for him (of course I would only do that privately as my H has been through too way too much already)<P>but the balloon idea is marvelous-perhaps I can say a "secret" prayer as I let it go. Will try to do today. March winds are blowing. Today might actually be very symbolic as hopefully today we receive word of our move so this would be perfect for leaving the past behind!<P>Thank you. Blessings as you seek all you are searching for, too.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start