Well, it's been weird, as usual. Called the Coalition to End Domestic Violence hotline yesterday to just kind of vent a bit. Turns out that since I have an attorney, I can't file a restraining order. My attorney is on bed rest again and I can't get in touch with her. I was told maybe I should get a new attorney... yeah, with teh case just waiting for final signatures on judgement and judge to award attorneys fees. Yep, think I was not given the help I should have had, but that is hind sight. I was told to try and get the criminal case up and running for abuse again. So, once again we circle the mighty circle that never seems to end.

I called Child Support Enforcement to find out if ex sent payment there. He hadn't, but he set up a hearing. I figure now I won't get support until he sees them. Last night in the mail I get three pieces of interest, one from insurance company again notifying me of cancellation on February 1, 2003 (gee, already have that, what happened to the COBRA information?), one from Support Enforcement asking about Domestic Violence (same form already filled out with numerous attachments) and notice that agent couldn't find actual support orders. Again, had filled it out, sent in everything, including only orders set on Jan 01 and explained settlement of May 02 that never was put into orders.

In May 02 I was forced to say I made 4000/mth just to settle the darn case. I don't make half of that a month, and now nearly a year later, still haven't finished the divorce, still have not been able to use actual numbers of salary to calculate support. I'm hoping that this agent will call me back and we can straighten some of this out.

Now, the weirder thing is that I have papers missing now. When I stayed up until 3 am 2 weeks ago filling out Support Enforcement forms and copying all relevant paperwork to include, I had a whole file folder of wage assignments from exes past employer. That is now gone, neither in file cabinet where it was for 2 years, nor in divorce box. I grabbed the police officer's card from rolodex and stapled it to crime reports, now those cards are gone. I have the police reports, just no business cards. I ripped my office apart yesterday looking for this stuff, and it is gone. The kids never touch that stuff.

I'm just tired. I get the pep talk from the Coalition that I've stood my ground longer than most would have and done the best by my kids; that they don't understand why so many things got dropped, and to just continue ahead with what I've been doing. I guess I can only ask, if it is so obvious to everyone that we kept getting stuff dropped, why hasn't somebody picked it up and done something about it? Doesn't ANYONE do their job anymore? I think I continually beat down the same path, and the other paths that lead off just circle around and start me off at the beginning again.

So will scramble and figure out how to move money around to pay mortgage that I used the usual support payment to supplement. One step ahead, three back. BUT.... I am standing, my kids are doing good, and business is good when I can concentrate on it.

Lori

Dear Lori,

It is frustrating isn't it? A lot of days I feel the same way. I guess just keep plugging away--one step at a time. That is what I have had to do. I try not to feel victimized by all this mess--but I do sometimes.

I hate looking for all the forms and documents--for the divorce, child support, insurance, taxes--etc. etc. Didn't help that I was emotionally distraught for the last few years--along with caring for the kids, teaching full time, and dealing with a FOG head of an ex-partner.

It does get better tho--try not to get too discouraged....Take care Pat

well <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks Pat, I know we're all in the same situation while we go through all of this. I do try to do things a day at a time, but sometimes the load feels a bit too much.

Sometimes it pays to be the squeeky wheel. I woke up and started making calls at 8:30 this morning. think I caught my kid's cold, so decided to just hang out and go through paperwork again. I found a stipulation that we were only agreeing to joint legal custody of younger D, not joint physical. I started to write a FAX to Child Support Enforcement and had just finished compiling all the paperwork and everything when they called me back (3:30pm).

Ex met with them yesterday, paid them the child support, so they are expediting payment to me. Turns out they do have all the paperwork needed, plus more. (I've learned to be THOROUGH, lol) They are doing an immediate modification to child support and they will be using his new incomes and his 0.5% custody factor. Guy says really doesn't matter what I make. Since ex has no custody, he will be made to pay out max benfits for his income. The guy said that they looked at if a parent took more custody they would be rewarded by having less support levied. Ex must have been his usual arrogant self, cause the guy made a few comments about "that type of man".

I was also told that yes, he should be responsible for half of my D's residential school, but that the office no longer does unreimbursed medical claims. He said I would probably have to take ex back to court all the time to get that.

Also was told that they have all the abuse stuff on hand, the office just spits out another copy just in case it was overlooked the first time.

Sorry about venting earlier, I was just frustrated and tired, and most likely just being a bad patient. Took a bit of time off and watched White Oleander... good portrayal of a controller, kind of sad.

So, not holding my breath, but think the flames are starting to get a little warm on ex's derriere.

Oh, also heard from my older D's counselor. She is opening up, she mentioned before about considering suicide a few years back, she now actually admitted to attempting it 4 years ago. I get to talk to her next week, and we are going to see her at the end of the month (which is also her birthday)! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

So I was bad, didn't do any work for 2 days. Means next week is going to be rough!... but my dad is coming to town <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Lori

Dear Lori,

Sounds like you are making progress...it does get overwhelming at times....but it feels great to reach the surface sometimes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Just got done working on taxes--was extremely hard to get everything together. They sent everything to my exH--so I had to hound companies to send me all the paperwork.

Looks like I will have to pay about $3000 because of selling our retirement home...plus that will raise the amount we have to contribute for my daughter next year for college. Too bad all the money went to pay off bills--mostly my Exs--and lawyer fees. How very sad.

I am glad to hear your daughter is opening up--this mess is really tough on the kids. In fact..I had better run. Have to get my little ones ready to go with Jimbo and bimbo for the weekend. I hate this. Oh well.

Take care Pat