i don't even know where to begin i am a 24 yr old women who is married to a 46 yr old. when we first started dating he was young and vibrant but then we hit bad finacial times.he went to another city to get some work and i didn't have a problem with it he came home on weekends then that started to disappear anyway finally we got married and i spent the first 5 months alone. and he cheated on me thats when i told him he needed to get me up there i think thats when my marriage was ruined and it started to go down hill so after that my sex drive toward him started to diminish but i denied that it had anything to do with my relationship. so i went to the gyno and found out that it wasn't physical that it was mental and my husband said well i don't believe in therapist they only make problems worse. i don't want my marriage to be over i love him but when do you know what is right and what is wrong. when do you know when to throw in the towel i don't want it but i don't know what is true and what is wrong i don't know if my heart is being true my brain say's one thing and my heart say's another i am so confused i don't know what to do i need help but i don't know where to go for help he is the one who works and handles the money so i can't afford to go a counselor. so i don't know what to do i know that i keep saying that but i am truly confused and lost if anyone has any suggestion i would be grateful for them.
thanks for reading this i really appreciate it
stephanie

Why did your marriage go downhill when you wanted to move up there to be with him? Was he giving you a hard time about it? If that's the case, you have a real problem on your hands. It's hard to know when to throw in the towel but a marriage has to be worked on by BOTH spouses. If you're the only one wanting to work on it and he wants to ignore things or pretend like everything's o.k., it will not work out. Better to cut your losses.

Stephanie, if he cheated on you....he doesn't deserve you. Take care of yourself.....EVERYONE deserves to be happy, and happiness comes from within us. If you a married to a man who cheats on you and won't go see a therapist....he is not trying to save the marriage. Go to therapy on your own....it can only help you find what you need for your self. Don't become a victim....take control and find peace and happiness, you deserve it. Therapy will help do that.
Best wishes, Ed

My WW cheated on me. I tried for 5 months to reconcile, but always felt in my gut that it was a waste of time because I could tell that she was very much in love with her lover. But, with hope, I thought she might come clear of the fog. Sometimes things seemed like they might... sometimes not.

My "sign" finally came when I discovered all of his contact info in addition to a new calling card in a hiding place. You'll find your sign too. However, the single most important thing is that WHEN YOU MAKE THE DECISION, you:
1. Protect yourself.
2. Don't compromise your integrity.
3. Behave in such a way that years from now, you won't look back at your actions and feel regret.

Things'll get confusing and you're bound to do things that violate 1, 2, and 3. But, it's not fair or healthy to you or your spouse and family to "waffle" in the land of indecision for very long.

he told me today he was thinking about divorce i am shocked and hurt but the funny thing is he won't tell me why but i know one of the reasons since he's cheated on me we haven't had sex i believe that is one of the reasons why when i ask him he just tells me that its not time to talk about it i just looked at him and said when is when its to late well thank you for posting i really appreciate it.

stephanie