Hi. I'm a military wife and I will be signing the legal seperation papers today. I can't help but feel angry with my WH.

I'm the one who will be stuck with all the legal bills. He wants me to file for divorce when I return to my home state and I have to pay for it. I've been an emotional mess yesterday and today. He has hurt me so much yet I still love him and want him back.

I feel like such an idiot for taking him back after his EA. He's getting away with everything he's ever done and I hate that. I know God will get him back for hurting me, but it still hurts.

I just needed to vent a bit.
Rebecca

Are you near a military post or base now? If he hasn't seen legal assistance there yet you can go in there and take care of a lot right there. Defidently call them and find out. I'm in the same situation except I am in the military and my W is doing pretty much the same as your H.

I live on post. He's in the barracks. He went to the legal office first. He had the Early Return of Dependants paperwork filled out last year so of course he thought of everything.

I went and saw a volunteer lawyer and he looked over the worksheet to make sure everything was taken care of.

I'm just feeling sad about everything. When I return to the mainland, I will go to the nearest post for legal assistance through them unless I can find another volunteer lawyer.

One other thing, the seperation paperwork says we each have to pay for our own attorney's fees when we file for divorce. Is there any way I can change that or am I stuck with that.

Personally, I'd like to see him stuck with those bills.

You signed the separation papers? That might have been a mistake. They are supposed to make SURE that you understand that separation papers are supposed to be mutually agreed on. If there was something you didn't like you should not have signed them. In my sep package there was a seperate page that we both had to sign that told us that and told us that we both should consult a lawer before signing. These are things they defidently should have told you. The only way that I know of that you can change things is if you both agree to change them. I'm sure he will probably not want that though. Where are you at overseas, if you don't mind me asking? I hope things work out for you. I'm playing the waiting game with my wife, hoping she comes to her senses before everything is final. Though I'm planning for her to be gone forever now. I do have my daughter though, that makes things much easier on me emotionally.

There are a couple other things I can tell you, hopefully its not too late. Make sure you don't waive support in any way. I assume he's Army right? I'm not sure if its the same or not but the Marine Corps would force me to pay my wife my entire BAH (Housing Allowance) and %20 of my income for child support. Thats if she had my daughter. Without my daughter she would still get 50% of my BAH. My situation is oposite of yours though so I am trying to keep my wife from taking that from me. I found out that if the separation papers don't mention support or waive support than I wouldn't have to pay her anything. I still will but I wouldn't be forced to. In your situation though you probably should go after it.

I did not sign the papers yet. He never came to pick me up to sign them. In the paperwork is a clause that says in the event of a divorce we have to pay our own attorney's fees. Personally,I think he should have to pay since he's the one who wants the divorce, not me. He wants me to go along with everything his way and when I don't he says I'm playing games. Right now I'm willing to sign anything just to leave.

BTW, I'm in Hawaii. Great place to visit, bad place to live.
Rebecca

Luna,
I apologise for not getting back to you sooner after you shared your story. I've been real busy!!!!

Good for you don't sign the papers til you are comfortable with what they say!!!

I was married to AF for 21 years, I now live in SD, was living in VA when WH said he wanted a divorce. We drew up our own seperation papers, that stated that I had the kids and the dollar amount that he would pay in support and what day it was due on.

Once we got to SD, he moved to UT, he filed for divorce in SD, the kids had to be residents in the state which took 6 months, then he filed and there was a 2 month grace period. We worked everything out between us, amounts, custody everything, he took it to his lawyer and the jerk screwed it all up for 7 months. Cost my xH dearly, it orginally stated that xH was to have paid lawyers fees as he wanted divorce. Lawyer capped them at $600 not even a fourth of what they cost. xH wanted the divorce so badly that he signed and notorized an individual statement stating that he would pay the entire amount back in one year! Our two incomes were combined and xh has to pay 77% of girls support plus pay for their life insurance, my life insurance, he must maintain the two policies that we had on him with out anyone else's names on them. If he wants his new wife covered he needs a new policy as the SGLI has my kids names only on it!

I explained why it was I wanted alimony and was award the amount that I wanted with a 3% cost of living allowance til I die or re marry. I will also get 50% of his retirement in a few years. I did ok for myself.

Make sure that there is health insurance for your child besides what the military offers, so that if WH gets out unexpected, your child is still covered. You probably won't be eligable for anything through the military if you haven't been married over 10 years.

Do not file for the divorce if you don't want it. Make him do the work for the divorce if that is what he wants. Make sure there are papers covering your child if you move back stateside. Support, insurance, custody, make sure that you are covered also. You could stipulate that if WH gets out that there has to be insurance for your child in place before he gets out. It's all very confusing. I know!!! But I hope that you can use some of what I have shared with you!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks for the information. We're going to Jag this morning to sign the papers. I will ask that the section on paying for the lawyers ourselves be removed. As for the actual divorce, I need to file or he will file here in Hawaii and try to make sure I get nothing. I can't risk that. I told him about how I wasn't comfortable with the attorney's fees part and he said we'll worry about that later. I don't think so. I'll adress it at JAG when we get there. I am just worried and stressed out.

I really hope things work out for you. I'm no lawer but, I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter who files first in reguards to the kids. Usually in most states that I have read about the parent that has the kids during the separation will have them after the D. Of course child support usually will come with that. You can always fight for Alimony or Spousal Support too. I really don't think you need a legal separation though, If you both can't agree than they are no good. Just make sure you research the states that the D could go thru for you..

She really has to have the seperation papers with taking the child out of state!!!!

Let us know what the JAG said!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I signed the papers yesterday. When I was asking questions at JAG, WH kept mumbling under his breath calling me a b**ch and other choice names. When I asked to make a small change where atleast it would say he would pay half the filing fees, it was as if I started WWIII.

I signed the papers yesterday. When I was asking questions at JAG, WH kept mumbling under his breath calling me a b**ch and other choice names. When I asked to make a small change where atleast it would say he would pay half the filing fees, it was as if I started WWIII.

He threw a fit as he drove me back to work. He called me every name in the book. He said I was stupid and that he was being nice to me by letting me stay here this long. He then decided I could no longer use the vehicle which is in both our names. He told me to go ahead and call his chain of command. Nothing would happen because he wants them to order him to have no contact with me. He drops me off at work. Throws the car seat out of the truck and throws my work key out the window. He speeds off, burning rubber the entire time.

My boss and co-workers saw what happened. One of them offered to drive me home so we picked up my son from pre-school and I went home. I then went to my neighbor's house. WH then tried to call and message my cell phone to make sure his son had a way home from daycare. I told him yes and left it at that.

Saturday was our 10 year aniversary of being together. I messaged him telling him happy aniversary and that I wasn't sure if they still counted anymore. He wrote back saying you too. Later that night, I was baking cookies with my son and WH messaged me again. He told me he wanted to be friends about this and that he knew a part of him still loved me and that I still loved him. He also wrote that he gets angry because I'm not doing what he wants. I messaged back telling him to leave me alone.

I rented a car yesterday and signed the papers. Nothing changed in the papers but oh well. I'm tired of dealing with him. I just want to leave now. Now, I'm waiting on my orders saying that I can leave so I can take care of transportation and moving.

I'm at the point where I just hate him.
REbecca

I'm sorry to hear how he reacted, I do understand though. When me and my W first started going through this I was the same way. I have learned to control my feelings around her now though. I would rather things to go as smooth as possible whether we get back together or not. I wish you the best of luck.