I am a recovering alcoholic, have been for years, but in the last year ana ahalf I slipped back in to some old behaviours. It started with one little lie, see as much as I used alcohol to avoid feelings I also used lies, manipultion, intimidation and control basically Verbal Abuse to avoid these same feeling. Well the end result is my wife now has a PFA court order no contact. I love her with all my heart and am working on me owning what I did, accepting what I did and changing me for me. But I am afrtaid I destroyed the greatest gift GOD ever gave me. Has anyone else been where I am at and if so any help would be great. I also now know what being homeless truely is. I have a place to live but my home and family I may had ruined.<P>hurting for certain<BR>RidenSober

RS,<P>God has shown me that I destroyed my marriage with my mouth <BR>and controlling ways. I became addicted to speed because I was so depressed all the time and had trouble getting out of bed.I need to make this short but can write more later if<BR>you want me to. Anyway, my H also used drugs but I can't answer for his part just mine. I have been clean for 14 months now. I started out going to NA and this program is great for a start.I needed much more to get over all the lies Satan had told me all my life. I needed Jesus. I have been a Christian for a year now and have seen the Lord move in mighty ways both in me and in my circumstances. I drove my husband off. Today I don't need drugs to depend on I depend on the Lord. My husband filed for divorce last May and I was crushed. God used my brokeness to create a new person by drawing me closer to Him. Praise God the divorce has been put off twice now. My husband is not home yet, but we are getting closer all the time. At one time he would not even come into our home now he spends a lot of time with us. ONLY GOD could have done this! I have learned to shut my mouth and let God take charge. It is the only way.<BR>I had to have help to learn Gods word and will for my marriage. When I cried to the Lord he sent me here <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org." TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org.</A> I found the hope I was searching for here.<BR>Please go here if you haven't been. There is always hope<BR>and all it takes is faith.God can and will change you also.<BR>God can fix the mess you made.<BR>gentle<BR> <p>[This message has been edited by gentle (edited March 12, 2001).]

Thank you Gentle,<P>I been clean for almost 4 years i live in the program of AA, but you see my actions were old behaviours much worse than drinking, I do trust in GOD today but I am in a lot of pain. <BR>your words of inp`speration were very welcome please write more<BR>thanks<BR>RidenSober

RidenSober,<P>Just remember we ALL have addictions of some kind. God says we will suffer afflictions. The important part is realizing<BR>that we can overcome all of the bad behaviors we have from our past. It doesn't matter what they are. We learn to depend on drugs, control, sex, food, talking or what ever instead of depending on God. I was in alanon for a year before I started drug recovery, and I could not understand Let go and let God. It took my husband filing for divorce to<BR>learn what it meant. It is hard but I now turn everything over to HIM. My christian friends even have a hard time understanding my faith. God has shown me a whole new way of <BR>life.I take almost everything to HIM. I am working on everything. There is one thing I have found that most Christians are not aware of, the POWER OF PRAYER. It takes time but it changes things! Please read the testimonies at the web site I suggested. This is were my faith really began. YOU have not done anything that God cannot fix. Give it to Him, pray, keep looking up, pray, wait, and pray you will see changes in you and the ones you love.<BR>Keep the Faith,<BR>gentle