My 10 year old recently started IM'ing her friends, and wanted to IM her 13 year old sister when the younger one was visiting her father at the OW's house. (Their father does not allow them to visit him at the same time). The ten year old forgot to sign out, and later on the older one IM'ed her, by name. Someone at the OW's house (I assume the OW) decided to reply - pretending to be the younger sister. The 13 year old figured it out quickly, because it didn't sound like her sister, but why would anyone want to deceive her? What purpose would it serve? Did she want to embarrass her, to make her feel foolish? This sounds like the behavior of a middle school kid, not an fifty-something adult.

Nellie ---

Not sure what the reason could be --- but....

Had a similar problem with my kids online ---

So we created a passward - and response... to identify each other with... one response says all is clear - the other says - I'm being watched (which alerts the other person that they may be not talking to a sibling either that time or the next time).

Not the way I want to live - but it's occasionally necessary to protect ourselves. Teach your children to protect their own interests. For instance - one of our password/response alerts was... happenin'? response: cloudy weather or alt: "gray skies"

That is rather seasonal for here - but it worked for a while...

you might want to adjust your ?'s and responses for your area --- but don't use a common response for a common ?

Hope this is helpful.

Jan

Thanks for the suggestion - that is a good idea. I can understand the necessity for such safeguards when the kids are IMing in a public place like the library, but it's a shame that we would have to use them even when they are visiting their father.

My reason - was before my ex moved out two years ago - if I was away from home.

There were times when I needed information and would IM my daughter and she needed to respond to me without her father watching her response.

Under normal circumstances - EVEN I would condemn me for teaching her to be so secretive --- but it was necessary.

Sometimes we just have to do what we have to do to protect our kids, Nellie.

Jan

<small>[ June 04, 2004, 05:52 PM: Message edited by: Lenz ]</small>

xxx

<small>[ June 02, 2004, 01:44 AM: Message edited by: skye ]</small>

Nellie,

I'll have to agree...set up a code word that they can use..

I'm sorry that it has to be this way though..

But then I think it's strange that he only takes one of them at a time...

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, because a long time ago the OW emailed me several times - first pretending to be another BS, and then pretending to be a family counselor - I am not surprised that she wanted to annoy me, but I don't know why she wants to annoy the kids. She must have known that they would eventually figure it out after talking to each other in person, if not before. She has insulted my son on more than one occasion. Does she want to antagonize them to the point where they stop visiting their father?

Lenz,
It's bad enough when someone pretends to be someone he or she is not when they are anonymous, but to pretend to be someone's friend or a child's sister is really low. Maybe she did think it was funny, in which case that woman is really screwed up, even more so than I thought.

Jan,
I wish my kids could feel safe, emotionally as well as physically, when they are with their father.

Skye, I sat there and read your post with tears streaming down my face. How someone could attempt to sabotage your son's reconciliation with his father is beyond cruel and completely incomprehensible.

ThornedRose,

He actually takes two at a time, once a month, but he doesn't take the two who were IM'ing each other at the same time. He told them that maybe he would try taking all 4 of them together on a trial basis, to see if they "behaved." Even his lawyer thought that it was terrible that he would make seeing their father contingent on meeting his behavioral requirements, whatever they might be. He stopped taking them together several years ago, because they "disturbed the atmosphere" in the OW's house.

<small>[ April 04, 2003, 09:51 PM: Message edited by: Nellie1 ]</small>