My husband had many internet affairs. He didn't actually see anyone physically, but he spoke with them through the computer.<P> We were getting better and he's away tonight on business so I went to see what he posted on his porno sight. I didn't find a lot, only more questions. <P>I just found out 2 weeks ago Saturday. We have ALWAYS had great sex, we are both very comfortable with each others bodies. I feel so lost and trapped. I am angry that I was so stupid. He is doing all that he can to make it up to me but I feel like I want to know every gory detail, which I know isn't healthy. Please help me. Anything....<P>It's the memories that are so tarnished that are painful. I can't look back on them without thinking that he was playing games on the computer. I feel such pain. This is worse than grief of a loved one. We will be married 25 years in July. <P>I feel so insecure and deep down, I'd like to 'pay him back' and prove to myself that I'm still beautiful and desirable by other men. Dear God, I never thought that I'd find myself in this kind of situation. I thought my husband and I were different. Please, just some words of reassurance???? I'm sorry, I'm having a bad night.

hang on there.<P>I do know that my husband has had some sort of addiction to porn, so I think I understand.<P>You don't have to minimize your feelings. It's okay to be so angry and hurt at the same time. I too, when I find out I've been disceived, want the facts...it's probably because there is a large amount of dishonesty going on. And how can you know how to react if you don't know the facts.<P>But still it hurts, doesn't it? I'm so sorry.<P>I felt betrayed. I felt unvaluable. I felt a great loss. I would like my husband to adore me. But with porn addiction it seems that there is little respect toward me, or any other woman for that matter.<P>It helped me to understand how I feel about myself. I really feel good about me, and no matter the outcome when I decided to approach him about it, I knew his feelings toward women couldn't minimize my value as a person. And you are the same...valuable and worthy of respect.<P>Whatever you do about the it, remember your importance.

I have read your reply and sooo appreciate any kind words; any words that let me know someone else knows how it feels. I spoke with my husband last night and it was good. God has done a miraculous thing in him, I know it deep in my spirit; still there is much healing for me. Thank you for being a part of that healing. I still struggle and my hope is that maybe someday I won't. <P>I know that he spoke with many women and shared with them things that were supposed to be just us.....I just want to know who he was and why he was.....I'm wondering if curiosity will kill me ... emotionally.

Annie7, I just want to say that the fact that your H looks at Porn, should not really be too much of a problem. I also look at Porn and my wife has asked me to why I do this, and I told her the truth, that I don't find the other women attractive, it's a resource for me to use, so that I can try different things with my wife. Like how something may look, or just of doing something. So if you see him doing this, get into with him and see how it goes. If he is always looking at the porn and not paying very much attention to you, than it's a different story. This is just my advice.