Had a thought here. It seems that most of us deal with our exes or stbxs in either of two categories. The Destroyer is the one who leaves and then spends all their time trying to totally destroy the other spouse. The Whiner is the one who whines about how their life is now and how the one they left is doing so much better.

My ex is definitely a Destroyer, and I imagine those of us who were married to NPD partners will answer the same.

Now, with impending jail terms, increased child support and all, I wonder if my ex will change to being a Whiner? Somehow I doubt it, not in his nature, but could be interesting to make a science project of it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> What does it take to turn a Destroyer into a Whiner?

Lori <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I would have to say my stbxh is both in part. One he is destroying his relationship with his mother, because of his actions. Long story. The other he whines, about nobody caring about him. About no one is taking his side. I really don't see where it makes any difference. But he seems to be a loner, and he likes living by himself in a house, that is his mothers. And he doesn't seem to mind doing everything for himself, which is good. His own laundry, cooking, cleaning, paperwork. I am done doing paperwork for him. I haven't been paid since 1990, and now I don't have to do a thing, with paperwork. According to the judge. As well, as the business phones will be out of this house when the divorce is final. According to the judge, she said, the phones are out.

So I feel he is both. What suits him at the time. I was a whiner, but not anymore. I am fighting for my life, and for my kids. I am not a destroyer. I am following my husbands actions. He destroyed the relationship with his kids by calling them F&cking kids, and me the same. He was a good father, and still is, but I have the kids, and are becoming a better parent. Cause they know that I am having a hard time, and as far as money, I don't have it to give. Dad still gives them money to buy this or that, or gas for their vehicles. But if I ask money for dog food, he goes into a speech.

Each xhusband are responsible for their actions.

Hi, Lori!

No doubt about it, my stbxH was a DESTROYER (as in iron-clad, full-steam ahead DESTRUCTION) while we were married. He had little or no care for who he was harming or how much, as long as "he felt good." In fact, I know that he purposely chose to do things that he KNEW would hurt me just because he wanted to! He ripped me to shreds and harmed the kids in the process, and he used me for everything he could get out of me and then spit me out--period. No doubt.

Now that we are divorcing, he is combining the two tactics, and it makes me angry. He doesn't file ANYTHING on time "because he's too busy working"...yet from all that working he doesn't make enough to pay child support. He has no friends and no one is there for him (could it be because he burned every single bridge??). He is BROKE (poor baby) and I kicked him out on the streets (yeah--after 13 affairs he deserved it!).

In fact, one of my FAVORITE whiner lines has been this one, which he said to me when I brought up the fact that he needs to pay to support his children--he can not just dump them and run away and keep all his money. He said: "You don't care how I live or how I make! All I make is $1500 a month and you want to take some of that away! How will I survive??"

(Probably the same way your CHILDREN did when you left them TWICE with no income, no home, and no father, you jerk! We have ZERO a month and don't care how the three of us will survive!!)

AARRGGHH!! This makes me so angry. After what I've been through and how he has treated me, it just infuriates me to think that he plans to just walk away scott-free, destroy our family and our kids, and then whine about ME!!

EX'S!!!!!!!!

CJ

My Ex-Wife is plain and simply a <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> , oops I forgot that we can't say that on these boards.

But honestly she plays both roles very well. She's very destructive when it comes to items that involve me and then very whiny when telling the children about the destructive behaviour in order to try to convince them that I am being unreasonable.

It's actually getting to be quite a tirersome game and the simple fact is that she's the only one still playing, the rest of us have already figured it out.