Someone on this site said they went to a Retrouvaille weekend. I pulled up their website and am thinking of going if my husband will. Has anyone tried it? The articles online says it works? Here's some basic info:

It's very hard to figure out whether to stay in your marriage or leave, though some cases seem more clear-cut than others - for example, those involving physical abuse or chronic drug abuse. Behavior that would be intolerable for one person might be a minor inconvenience for another, and many negative behaviors such as chronic criticism and blaming can be reversed. So how do you know if your marriage can be saved? According to Diane Sollee, director of the Coalition for Marriage, Family, and Couples Education(C.M.F.C.E.) in Washington, D.C., a clearinghouse for information on marital education programs, you can't know much until you're sure you have done everything you can to save your marriage. Says Sollee: Most marriages don't break up over big issues, but rather due to "irreconcilable disappointments. People fall in love, and then, over time, all these little disappointments in each other break their hearts and the marriage breaks apart." In other words, two people simply become worn down by layers of resentment, and they are unaware of the tools that are available to help them. Eventually, divorce seems like an attractive solution. But according to Sollee, few suffering couples know about the wide range of excellent and highly successful educational marriage programs now available to equip them with a more realistic view of what to expect in marriage, and provide them with more efficient ways to handle inevitable conflicts and communication problems. Sollee's advice for couples in trouble is to start with one of the extremely helpful couples weekend programs around the country. Indeed, C.M.F.C.E.([202] 362-3332 or [www.smartmarriages.com]) is based on the premise that all couples have the ability to learn skills that will help them to create (or re-create) and maintain successful relationships. Here is a sampling to help get you started:
* RETROUVAILLE (French for rediscovery). Trained volunteer couples, who nearly divorced but instead learned to rebuild their trusting bond, teach others how to heal their own marriages. Retrouvaille boasts an 85 percent success rate at improving marriages - when both partners are openly willing to work at the relationship. While the programs (one weekend plus three months of follow-up) are run by clergy, along with three couples who've "been there," Retrouvaille is nondenominational. Call (800) 470-2230; Web site: www.retrouvaille.org.

I just got back from one last weekend. Like I said on another post, my W and I were talking and had our issues laid out, so it wasn't an earth shattering event. There were probably 6 out of the 12 couples there who really turned over a new leaf, you could see it in their faces. I think that anything you do is better than nothing at all. It would also show that your spouse is at least trying to help matters. Drag 'em kicking and screaming if you have to. As a background, my W has her priorities waaay out of wack. I asked her what they were at the present time where she responded "1. Our son and 2. her job" HER JOB!!! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME. I was hoping Retrouvaille would get across the point that our son is our family which is a part of our marriage, so how can he be #1 when she is putting her job (she travels 5 of 7 days of the week) before the marriage? Retrovaille does give hope by showing there are people in worse shape who make it through. It will also improve you communication between one another and show that you really do not need to argue to communicate! But, it is not a problem solving weekend. You gotta do that with patience and time.

Jordan - my husband and I tried Retrouvaille. The thing is both of you have to have a committment to work on this marriage 100%. If it is not there, then nothing will be accomplished. We went, but my husband was still talking to the other woman on cellphone. In fact, the 5 minutes before we were to leave, I heard him talking outside our bedroom window to her, and saying I love you, moaning hugs, and kisses. Needless to say, I didn't want to go. But I went, and it wasn't the greatest weekend. Cause he was waiting to come home. Get his cell phone and take off and talk to her for hours. Which he did. Cause I heard him say, outside the window. Now don't try to call me, cause I won't have the cell phone on. I will call you when we get back.

Retrouvaille, is good at communicating. It is good at seeing each others points, and needs being met. They do talk of their marriages, and how they improved. How they worked on getting their marriage together. Then you take 12 days after (1 day a week) to go to classes, and work on their marriage. You go through a booklet, and work on communicating. We only went about 5 times I think, and once I walked into the mens bathroom, to see where my husband was, cause he was so long, and we were being paired off as couples. And the other couple and I were waiting for him. I walked in, and there he was talking to the other woman. He still to this day doesn't know I did that. And I was crying, and the leader came over, and I told them what I heard. And of course, my husband quit going.

We are divorcing, now and I have to say it is for the better. I gave this marriage a try, but I was tired of being called names, and told how useless I was, and how inferior I was to the other woman. Physically and mentally. So it is better this way. I see no way that we will ever be back together. So he will move thousands of miles from here. Which is good. He is moving to the other womans state. Which he can get her for his wife.

I know I am a good person, and I know that he is a good person. But we both need a clean slate. I am moving on, and going to go back to school.

You two will need to set aside time to do homework together. We had a hard time doing that, cause husband didn't want to do the homework all the time. Just when he felt like it. The people we met were really great. But my husband didn't see these people as positive people. He said the men were wimps. They weren't, but the men didn't divorce their wives, so they didn't follow my husbands path.

I would give Retrouvaille a try. And if he is committed 100%, you have a good chance at making your marriage work.

When we were separated, cause the first night, I cried and cried. My husband hurt me so bad, with his unthoughtfulness, and uncaring. I wanted to go home, and left the room where everyone is the first night crying. Two angels (couples selected as angels), came into our room to talk. And asked husband if he had gotten rid of the other woman. He said no. And they said you were to have gotten rid of the other woman. He said he knew, but he wasn't ready. They asked him if he was committed to the marriage, and he said no. I look back, and we should of left that night, and then he could of turned on his cell phone and had the night to talk to her.

Cause when we got back home from the weekend, he helped unload the van, and right away, went away for about 2-3 hours. When he came home I asked did you talk to Mrs. X. He said yes, and I went to my room crying. I should of told him to leave that very night. I should of told him to get out of my life that very instant. But I was hoping, and I was the most stupid person on life. I look back and see all the stupid things I did.

So if both of you are ready, to committ, go for it, and enjoy yourself. IT is quite intense, but it is worth if, if both of you are committed.

Good luck.