I got ready to write and got an IM from stbx. He says he regrets many things but that things are for the best. I just clicked off and began to cry.
Did the best I could. I know it. I tried like hell for my family. He chose Ms. Monkey and now Ms. Family Values over his family. He chose fun, trips, gambling and all luxuries over his family.
My son is gone to visit him for weekend and I am alone to ponder this.
But he's not being too smart. Said he is only using his attorney for two hours tomorrow and then HE WILL MEDIATE ALL OF IT HIMSELF. HIS ATTORNEY IS RESIGNING. Guess his attorney knows he's fighting a losing battle.
So on the eve of settling everything I lose it. Cry and can't stop. I send him an email telling everything in my heart so that I will have a clean conscience. Tomorrow night my girlfriends are taking me out to Martini Night at Fernbank Museum. Should be interesting...Band, drinks, featured speaker on museum exhibit and then a huge group Imax showing.
That's supposed to be my celebration. Going to the biggest singles' thing in town. The place to be seen. But I am crying my eyes out. My marriage is over and my stbxh never lifted one finger. Never saw one counselor with me. Never tried. I wasn't perfect but was a good wife. I love and loved my family. I fought a good fight. I thank God for you here praying for us these last two years. Please keep praying for my son and my stbxh. My stbxh is soo lost. Pray God finds his way back into his heart.
I am closing with some thoughts sent to me from a friend of mine who knew I was hurting today:
GEORGE CARLIN - POST 9-11 (His wife recently died...) Isn't it amazing that
George Carlin - gross and mouthy comedian of the 70's and 80's - could
write something so very eloquent ... and so very appropriate post 9-11. A
wonderful message ...
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but
shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more,
but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller
families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less
sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems,
more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,
drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too
little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our
possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and
hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to
life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have
trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer
space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom,
but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but
accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more
computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we
communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small
character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of
two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days
of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands,
overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet,
to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing
in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and
a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit
delete.
Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going
to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you
in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the
only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but
most of all mean it.
A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from
deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday
that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and
give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments
that take our breath away. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
