NPIGA,
Has your attorney separated your legal obligations from his as of the time he kicked you out of the house? Check and see if he can make that work for you. Otherwise, you may end up taking out a personal bankruptcy. Not to despair - there are methods of actively pursuing credit rebuilding - I can give you more information about that later. But you do have to separate yourself from Darth very quickly. Drugs turn a good person into a work of evil; it happens suddenly and yet those closest to them who can see it tend to chalk it up to having a bad day during the first few months.

There are also issues of custody - you may be able to get supervised visitation only if you can prove activity in illegal drugs. That will limit the influence your STBX can have on your impressionable son. Take charge now while everyone in the legal system is seeing first hand the abuse; I believe they would give you whatever you asked for at this point.

http://www.addictions.org/signs.htm
and from another source:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">SYMPTOMS OF DRUG ABUSE

"The symptoms associated with drug abuse are generally both physical and behavioral, and can vary greatly depending upon the person and the type of drug being used. However, most drug addiction symptoms involve a noticeable change in attitude, appearance, or both. For example, changes in sleep patterns, eating habits, and energy levels are all common drug abuse symptoms. Many drug users suddenly acquire new friends, interests, and priorities, and develop problems performing well at work or in school. Drug users also tend to have dramatic changes in mood, becoming suddenly hostile, violent, or even depressed to the point of suicide. Some drugs will cause difficult-to-spot health problems, such as an erratic heartbeat, elevated blood pressure, or breathing difficulties, while others cause more obvious symptoms like dilated pupils, red eyes, or nosebleeds. In most cases, friends and family will be the first to notice the problem because they’re more familiar with the individual’s normal behavior. Fortunately, these are also the people who are in the best position to help someone with a drug addiction. For more information about the symptoms of drug abuse, consult a health care provider in your area."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">http://www.glendalememorial.com/publication/lt-mh_4.html

Above all, separate yourself from emotions of pity or sympathy. Addiction is a disease, yes. But it is a self-inflicted one. With as far as your STBX has gone, there's no likelihood that he will recover for a very very long time. It's more likely as he gets close to bottom, that he will come around trying to play on your sympathy to get money as he winds up homeless. He will only hurt you worse. You will know he is recovering only when he asks you for nothing; that he spends the rest of his life trying to make amends without expectation of forgiveness, or receiving anything from you. Get some recovery help for you - because even though you are not married to him, you will have to deal with the issues of an addict co-parenting your son, and what that will do to your son.

Prayers for your healing - I'm headed to my religion's most holy place this evening - I will pray for you and your son - and even for your STBX.

Love, Kayla

P.S. the one good thing that will come out of the detective work to prove illegal activity is that "Ms Family Values" will likely also lose custody of her son, since she's obviously as deep in the stuff as Darth.

Thanks so much Kayla. I checked out the links. Alot of people say his eyes look dialated most of the time.

He is always on the attack or so it seems. He is circular in thinking and can only present ideas in his way and is unable to listen to other sides.

I am not sure how to prove the drug abuse. But there is much evidence showing his partying lifestyle. I can't say how much it hurts me. When he IM'd me yesterday he was telling me which clubs I should visit. I don't know what makes him tick anymore and the only thing to explain this horrid behavior is drugs. What would take money from your family and tell you to do more more more for yourself? Drugs. But he is a gambler too with that flying outta control obviously since he's moved out.

How do I prove the drug thing? Gambling thing is already proven.

I am damn determined to not have him take me down any further than he already has. I won't let him.

As far as personal bankruptcy, my lawyers are going to see what can be done before we ever cross that bridge. We need to see how he can settle the debt problem and then we will go from there. I am frightened really bad. He's tried to ruin our lives. Literally ruin it.

{{{peachy}}}

IF he is doing drugs, he shouldn't have custody of your son. Talk to your attorney and the local child protection service. Thay can bring Jethro in and have him take a drug test. He will only be allowed to have son if the drug tests remain clean. Now, I bet he won't agree to take the test voluntarily, which usually means a user. His behaviors sound a lot like crank users. They sort of have a Dr Jekyll/Mr. Hyde behavior.

Dealing with psychos... wish it was something I didn't have to know anything about. Take care of yourself, I know this stuff is wearing.

Lori

Sending armloads of balloons of hugs.

Three best things I invested in.

1)MB-Dr. Harley counseling. Prinicples/counseling helped me crack open the iceberg hidden affairs. Not fully but good start to equipp me and later protect me from an unknown nightmare back lash revenge to come. DR.H saves my life in more ways then one. I had some pretty grave concerns.

PI--- they can go to the clubs inside sit down a t table monitor who he is with how much drinking going on. Excellent report follow him if impaired. Good report.

PI--- They can video tape right through the house I have a good footage amazing....

Hiring a good lawyer.

Sounds like the monies are indeed for gambling/drugs.... alchol.

Hard drugs like coke or snowflake users are big spenders in the casinos...blow costs alot and frequencies. Sounds like this might be his drug of choice with that kind of cash. The drug of no reality, time, inhibitions.

Drug testing measure sounds peachy idea to me!!!
Can you locate a social worker?

Your son does not sound safe in his care, presence the debauchery, degradation....

He needs to definately be investigated...
and you need a cool hand here hon. Dangerous person in any case.

He is gone drugs/alchol have full possesion.

More you become educated about the drugs you might not take things so deep to heart.... you like me thought you were dealing with a human being flesh/blood.

Altered personalities===apart our stbx's narcissism... NPD........

All the same he needs like my STBX to be put on a prayer mega chain support. We may never have anything to do with them again. Ok we accept that but it's the hold on our kids. They are the hostages in this insanity.

Play your hand safe and wisely.

Hugs

peachy,
I used to work as a child protective social worker. I would suggest that you talk with your attorny about this and quite possible having a professional homestudy commisioned by the courts. In this a private social worker will be assigned to do a review of both of your houses and make suggestions to the judge. You have nothing to worry about with your part but it would be very beneficial on your part to have his homelife under the glass by a pro that will present a written report to the judge and make suggestions that HE WILL HAVE TO ABIDE BY if he is to have any contact with your son. Check with your local Department of Human Services on this too. Many hugs ...

peachy, My H abuses just about every known abusable substance (alcohol, heroin, crank, cocaine, any pills he can get his hands on, money, sex, food, you name it). As others have already pointed out, your STBXH's behavior sounds like he could be abusing some kind of upper drug such as cocaine or methamphetamines (speed, crank).

My advice, though, is a little different than others. Check out an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon or CoDA meeting. I know it won't solve your financial problems or keep your STBX away from your son, but it can help you be strong so that you can solve these problems, with God's help.

Peachy,

{{{{{ HUGS}}}}}}}

I'm sorry you are going through this.