I thought that my W and I were slowly progressing. We just got back from a Retrouvaille weekend which was not all that dramatic, but I thought it was a step until....

Friday, my W was supposedly in Mobile, Al (she travels due to her job). Turns out the lies continue, she had not been in Mobile the last two weeks, but in Houston where her SUPPOSED EA co-worker partner lives and works. Well, when calling that office and telling the receptionist it was an emergency, her boyfriend answers the phone. I told him who I was and asked what the hell he was doing answering her calls. He proceeded to ask "Why are you holding on?" Turns out she told him she moved out of our house in January and was staying at her mom's, not true at all. It was actually pretty humorous that she is playing him as she has been playing me. After asking him if something sexual was and is still happening, he said "What do you think". Needless to say I called my STBXW and she came clean. What a bummer! They have been dating for a year, sexually active for the last six months, and it has not stopped as of Friday. We have only been married a little less than 4 years.

Friday, my STBXW said she wasn't stopping, was still in love with the OM and we would be separating today. However, over the weekend while having to own up to her actions to her mom, sister, me, our two year old son, and everyone else, she finally realizes what a terrible person she has become. Her personal hell is beginning. We talked Sunday and she is supposed to give a no-contact speech to the OM with me listening, but hasn't yet because she is travelling today. My second condition of parole is to have her stop travelling immediately, which she has not done but seems like she might want to.

She told me 2 months ago that the supposed EA (we know better now) was over because I asked her to leave if it wasn't. My mind tells me to file with my attorney in the next day or two, but there is a piece of my heart that would like to unconditionally take her back, but I have been supporting her emotionally and doing a great Plan A through these tough times and it has gotten me nowhere. I fear what lies ahead, but I am 95% sure to change our current see-saw battle and file the papers so perhaps she will really be serious and finally may figure out what she wants. I thought about not filing and just getting her to live elsewhere and keep the bills and accounts together, but in a sense, that has already been happening due to the fact that she has been travelling for 6 months, coming home only for one day at a time that we rarely spent together. I am not all that upset because deep down I knew the EA was a EA/PA, but did not want to believe it. What hurts is that through all the 6 months of heart felt talks, retreat weekends, and counselling she has not stopped with the OM. If she would have stopped on her own, it would have made taking her back easier. Truthfully, I only believe her Sunday remorse and cooperation may just be out of fear. I guess I know what I have to do, but thoughts and experiences would be helpful, Thanks.

I would file, and have you thought about maybe separation. Or are you done, and ready to put the line of fire at her. She has obviously betrayed you many times. I know, we went to Retrouvaille, and my husband was still in contact wtih the other woman. Right before we were to leave 5 minutes before, I heard him outside our bedroom telling the other woman I love you, kissy, huggy, and don't try to call him. When we got back, he left very shortly after we got back and didn't come home till about 2-3 hours later. Of course where was he, talking to the other woman.

There is so much one can deal with, and dealing with a spouse that lies and cheats, and thinks nothing of it, is hard. It breaks your heart and breaks your back.

I would file, if you are definitely done.

In this state, you must be separated for at least 6 mohths before anything can be finalized. I figure I need to take control of this situation and get the papers started. Maybe this will wake her up, and with a miracle, a year from now we may be together. I just do not see any way to purge myself of this demon unless I let her go, and possibly come back with a new, fresh beginning.